Finishing Well - Helping Others Finish Well

About 20 years ago, during a period of unemployment, I was encouraged by my pastor to visit church members who were in the hospital.
His brilliant counsel was that if I focused on the pain of others, rather than my own pain, I would grow deeper in my faith life. And, through that, God would be able to teach me and massage me into the man He wanted me to be. Isn’t it true? Satan wants us to look in the mirror, where we only see ourselves and then migrate to places of fear, depression, loneliness, and anger. Paul writes in Galatians 6:2, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” What is the law of Christ? Jesus says in John 13:34, “So, now I am giving you (followers of me) a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you (sacrificially), you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my followers.” Satan says look in the mirror and see self; Jesus says “look out the window and see others.” Jesus says, ‘lay aside your own life and love others.’

That’s what I began to learn visiting hospitals two decades ago.
On behalf of my church, and as a church leader, I would visit people who I knew, people I didn’t know, people who were long-time church members, and people who just called the church and needed a visit.
And, the more I poured my time and energy into the pain of others, the less I worried about my own plight. It did not ease my circumstances. It did not ease the valley that I was walking through. I still had to make right some immature and foolish decisions. But, my focus on the pain of others helped me fully surrender my own pain to my Savior, Jesus. And, He began to send people along to encourage and love and serve me. Those people had turned from their own mirrors and were looking out the window.

A part of our Finishing Well this life we are gifted is helping others finish well. Scripture is clear: We are to carry one another’s burdens, and we are to love one another and prove our love for Jesus to the world. If we commit to that kind of life, we will finish well. And, what a blessing to know that we are serving others in their own journey to finish well.

Seriously, whose life will be better because you lived today? Not an organization, but whose specific life will be better because I lived today? Family and friends, certainly. In addition – not instead of – how far can I reach into the “stranger pool” toward loving and serving someone today? I can do that by consciously being kinder and friendlier throughout my day. God will use it.

In 2006, Gary Hardin, pastor, First Baptist Shepherdsville, KY wrote the document, “Eight ways to show hurting people you care.” It was picked up and reprinted by LifeWay Christian Resources. I’ve taken his list as a foundation, and rewritten it.

1. Listen, Listen, Listen – Hurting people need to talk it out. Just listen to them.
2. Avoid giving advice about the situation because you are probably not a licensed counselor. Instead, focus on spiritual foundations: Faith in Jesus, prayer, and what Scripture says about situations. I always find a way to ask, “Where is Jesus in all this?” and then I always offer to pray over people regardless of the public venue.
3. Refrain from condemnation and judging no matter how it might grieve you. This even applies to spouses and parents, who might be concerned about blow-back to their own reputation. Remind people there are consequences to bad decisions, but no life is ever ruined. In Jesus, God provides endless grace. Ezekiel 34:6 says, “I will cause the shower to come down; there will be showers of blessing.” Grace is an ocean; it’s not drops, or sprinkles, or mist. It’s a shower. Help people put an X on today, and begin a new life in following Jesus as Savior.
4. Avoid saying, “I know how you feel.” Unless you have truly been there, it’s impossible to know how that person feels. A few years ago, I was asked to visit with a family whose preschool son had died. I had never been down that road, and I knew it would be hard. A grief counselor gave me this encouragement, “Tell them, ‘Through our faith in Jesus, I love you. I don’t know what you are going through, but I am hurting with you because I love you. And, I am going to walk this journey with you.’” But, be careful when you say, “I’ll walk this journey with you.” That can become an over-promise and under-deliver. Please make sure you are clear in what that means to you, and for them. Never promise a long-term ministry response that you can’t be passionate about.
5. Be alert to a person’s warning signals that pain is getting a foot-hold. Be attentive to a person’s change in mood, change in communication, change in perspectives, and change in conversation. When you notice these signs, and you have a relationship with the person, wiggle in closer and listen, listen, listen. Talk about work, family, health, and faith. The pain will begin to pour out of them. Contrast this approach with the person who comes up to someone they don’t well and blurts out, “What’s wrong?” or “Is everything okay?” or “You look like something’s bother you.” If you do that to me, prepare to see the teeth.
6. Don’t discount the power of presence. Just be there. Sometimes that’s all you need to do. Be there. But, we sure don’t like silence do we? If it gets too awkward, lead a vocal or silent prayer time. Open Scripture and begin to read it. I had a pastor tell me one time, “A believer will never go wrong, anchoring himself in Matthew chapters 5-7.”
7. Keep it all confidential. I will try, after some time, to nudge people toward carefully expanding the loop, calling on other believers to pray and listen – even if it’s just to my own private prayer partners. I don’t even have to tell those partners the names involved. I know that sin loves the quiet, dark places. When it is exposed to light, everyone must deal with it.
8. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Psalm 25:4 has this prayer, “Make your ways known to me, Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me.” Satan does not want you and me ministering to the pain of others. He creeps in and tells us that we are not qualified, we are too busy, it’s too late in the day, or we are too broken ourselves, or that we are too inadequate. Really? That’s not what Jesus says. He says, “Love one another (without condition).” When I made that first hospital visit those 20 years ago, I sat in the parking lot and wanted to be sick. I did not want to visit people. My legs were weak and I felt so unworthy to approach people, encourage them and pray for them. But, the Holy Spirit moved me. And, He gave me just the right words to say. On one visit, I went to see a woman dying with cancer. Her husband was so glad to see me – really, he was glad to see anyone. I stayed for three hours. We prayed, we ate lunch together, and we played checkers. I cried all the way home. Whatever blessing that man got from me was not a fraction of the blessing I received from my Savior for being there.

I believe that God will send hurting people to those who He can trust to love them.
And, so a measure of my own spiritual growth; a measure of my own “finishing well” is when God crosses my life with those I can love and serve. And, then I feel the Spirit’s nudge to do it.
God won’t send people to the self-centered and self-obsessed. And, those people will be found useless to the Lord. Oh, follower of Jesus, do you really want to be found useless in your journey with Him?
And, so as we proceed along this journey toward finishing well, let’s evaluate: Am I a follower of Jesus? Am I loving others and serving them? Have I plunged my life into those around me, reflecting Jesus’ love for me? Am I waist deep in the burdens of others? Is my life pointing people to follow Jesus?
God wants people who are like that. Be the person who finishes well by helping others finish well.

Finishing Well - The Believer's Bucket List

In 2007, Rob Reiner directed “The Bucket List,” a movie starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as two terminally ill men. Meeting in a cancer ward, they escape and head off on a road trip with a wish list of “to-dos” before they “kick the bucket.” The movie arguably re-introduced this notion of a “Bucket List” of things to do before we each die. It’s become a slogan within our culture: “Here’s my Bucket List.” I know people who have made these lists and are working to complete them. A friend of mine in Atlanta has already hiked 400 miles on the Appalachian Trail, jumped from an airplane, and is taking guitar lessons.

It’s not a bad notion, really. It’s easy for life to become ho-hum. I remember when I worked at the South Carolina Baptist Convention. At various points of the year, we would get the exact same form-letter reminders from Accounting or Human Resources. On the calendar, there were the same “big events” occurring on the same days, and largely looking exactly as they did the year before. Within our families, it’s easy for Christmas celebrations to move from being traditional to simply tiring in their consistency and their habitual nature. I’ve never understood the folk who go on the same vacation to the same location at the same time . . . every year. I appreciate that consistency if they are happy, but it’s not a suit of clothes that would fit me well.

And, so The Bucket List causes us to pause, evaluate, and, where necessary, shake things up as best we can. We are never too old to try new things, learn new things, and experience new things. Lord, protect me from being the person who fades away. Believe me when I tell you: This old pirate may grow old in years, but I will never be an old man in spirit.

For the follower of Jesus, the idea of The Bucket List takes on another, larger dimension. It’s a dimension that trumps all the “see and do” we might add to an Earthly Bucket List. Certainly, there are things I want to do and places I want to see before I die, but Scripture calls me to a Bucket List of much more significance and for consideration.

The great disciple, Peter, on whom the church was built, writes in 1 Peter 4:7-11:

The end of the world is coming.

(1) Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers.

(2) Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

(3) Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.

(4) God has given gifts to each of you from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Manage them well so that God’s generosity can flow through you. (See Romans 12:6-8, 1 Corinthians 12:8-11, and Ephesians 4:11).

(4a) Are you called to be a speaker? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Are you called to help others? Do it with all your strength and energy that God supplies. Then, God will be given glory in everything through Jesus Christ. All glory and power belong to Him forever and ever. Amen.

Peter reminds us that there is an urgency to getting up and moving forward. The end of the world is coming. (The NIV translation says it this way: “The end of all things is near.”) Our days are numbered, and there’s no guarantee for tomorrow. So, we should be busy in living each day to “finish well” in faith the life that we have been gifted. We shouldn’t over-focus on death and dying, but on living in faith the day at hand.

We should pray. To do that, we should be clear-minded and self-controlled, squaring ourselves with Jesus and God’s plan for our lives.

We should give up self in order to show “deep love” to others, and I believe that also includes our homes and families. There is no person on this planet that will come between my love for my Vicki, and then my love for my boys. Because if I am loving them fully, I am grounded in a place where I can deeply love all others.

We should practice hospitality, opening our homes to build relationships with people, letting them see the love for Jesus reflected in our “true selves” not just our “church selves.” Sadly, there’s a difference that really doesn’t have to be there.

As the Holy Spirit lives in us through our faith in Jesus, we are gifted by Him in specific ways. We have to learn about our gifts, embrace our gifts, and exercise them to bring glory to Jesus and point people to Him.

So, here’s my Bucket List. 

1. I want to be more faithful to mark and end each day with the name of Jesus. I do this through prayer – real conversation with the Savior who knows me by name.

2. I want to “say I love you” to more people, and to show my love to them by living through the pain of life with them. I want to put feet to my prayers.

3. I want to be found faithful to my Vicki, all the days of our lives together, not just in deed but in thought and in word. I want to live out a “set apart” marriage of Holy Matrimony, putting what she wants for our marriage above anything that I want for me.

4. I want to be a cross-centered coach for my boys, and for the families they begin one day. When I leave this world, I want to know they are in faith-based marriages, grounded in the fellowship of believers. What must I do now to prepare for that chapter? What must my life reflect to be that for them?

5. I want to be more hospitable, opening our home to people and getting to know them better. I want the circle of friendship to keep expanding. I want God to send people who can help me grow deeper in faith, and who I can encourage along their own faith journey.

6. I want to be more attentive to exercising my faith through the spiritual gifts provided by the Holy Spirit, and also by loving and serving others.

7. I want all of my relationships intact. I don’t want to leave this Earth in conflict with anyone – I want to be at peace with everyone, especially everyone within my family. I don’t want there to be poison among believers, and I don’t want my family poisoned to others within our family. I want there to be peace.

8. I want to be faithful and more supportive of the fellowship of believers all of my days – engaged and involved with my church and those believers with whom I am called to serve arm-in-arm.

9. I want to introduce others to Jesus. I want the Lord to send people to me who don’t know Jesus, and I want Him to use me as a door-keeper – someone to help others find the cross. I do not want to face my Savior having missed opportunity to share Jesus with those around me. 

10. If I am fortunate enough to see the end of my life coming, and know that final hour, I want to be surrounded by believers at the time of my death. I want believers holding my hands, praying, and handing me off to the arms of my Savior. I want to hear them whisper, “Here is your servant, Lord, and we will see you soon.” (Then, I want there to be the party of all parties).

               

As you contemplate your own bucket list – the one grounded in 1 Peter 4:7-11, remember there is no guarantee of the hour or moment when you and I shall leave this Earth for eternity. Our bucket list is not for our 70s or our 80s. It is for today. This day. This very day. Put an X on yesterday, and all the wrongs thins done and said; and, begin today your “Bucket List” toward finishing well.

Finishing Well - Keeping The Faith

I was about 10, and my dad bought my brother and me a Honda 50 motorcycle – though motorcycle is probably a stretch. It was more of a dirt bike / moped; the smallest of the Honda series of motorcycles. Think “Shetland Pony.”

But, we were two little boys living in the country – a long way from friends – and that red Honda 50 was great entertainment.

One of our first projects was to build a trail through my grandfather’s pastureland between our house and his house. This would allow us quick access between the two houses without the danger of being on Brookwood Road – a long and dangerous stretch of country road.

What looked like an easy task turned into a project that took two little boys weeks to complete. In building that trail, we might as well have been building a railroad. Digging in the pasture soil, we removed clumps of pasture grass and then had to fill in the divots. We encountered a large berm (“hump” for those of you not oriented to trail construction) in the pasture. The first time we drove the Honda over the berm, we went air-born and I thought for sure Tim had died. In fact, I approached his body while praying only to hear him say, “I think I’m okay.” He was. (He later became a fighter pilot). So, we had to take days to level out the berm, leaving enough to make it exciting but not dangerous. There was also a low spot in the trail, and the low spot would get pretty swampy when it rained. We scrounged around and found some old 2 x 6 boards, making a bridge over the low spot. The last leg of the trail was an incline. We wrecked the bike again trying to take it straight up, and that led us to days of creating a series of cut backs to better maneuver the incline.

As long as I live, I will never forget the day we finished the trail and prepared for the first official test drive. We even took a piece of mama’s red ribbon and nailed it between two boards as a ceremonial finish line at my grandparents’ house. Tim and I flipped a coin to see who would make that first inaugural run, and he won. So, I assembled at the finish line and called out my grandparents and dad to watch the first run. Through an old set of binoculars, I watched as Tim left our house on the Honda 50.

Down through the pasture he came, jumped the berm, crossed the bridge, and then zig-zagged his way up “the mountain” (our term) before crossing the finish line. When he crossed the finish line, he stopped, threw off his helmet, and we hugged and danced around like two little wild boys. It was so emotional because we had worked so hard, for so long, to finish that project and then it was successfully done. Knowing how sensitive we were (and are), I’m sure we were on the verge of happy tears. All that long, hot work had paid off and it was successful.

That trail took (a) having a plan; (b) having a perspective; and (c) having perseverance.

We had a plan to build that trail to connect two homes. We had a learned perspective that this was not going to be easy and there was no way to make it easy. We had perseverance because there were many days when one of us would want to quit and the other would push us along to the finish line. Through it all, we finished well.

The New Testament is full of encouragement to finish this life well.
2 Timothy 4:7, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
Acts 20:24, “But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”

Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”

Life is not easy. It’s a tough course with divots, and berms, and swamps, and high places that must be climbed.

But, we believers have been assigned a course to run through this life, and we have been given an individual ministry purpose to let our lives shine for the Savior who died for us. That ministry may be through our neighborhoods, through our workplaces, through our families, and through our community. Most likely, it all involves every corner of our lives. Our race is to run well through the trials, proclaiming the name of Jesus through our words and through our actions.
And, all around us – and there at the finish line – are all the believers with and ahead of us, cheering for us – cheering for our perseverance – as we finish well the life at hand. And, finishing well means that others see Jesus through us, and want to know Him because of what they see in us and through us.

Finishing well this life of faith is about having a plan – I want my life to go from here to there (and that journey can start today!). Finishing well this life of faith is about having a perspective – I know it’s not going to be easy, and I know it’s going to be very hard and very costly. Finishing this life of faith is about having perseverance – the “get up and go” even when the times are tough, and being in the fellowship of believers for encouragement and support. (Can you really expect to finish well without the support and encouragement of other believers?)

Start your race today.

If you are on a race, keep pushing forward.

If you need encouragement, let others know that you do.

Be prepared to say, “I live this life for one reason – to lift up the name of my Savior, Jesus.”

Finish well. The Finish Line is out there in our futures, and as we collapse into the arms of our Jesus, we want to hear Him say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Build on eternal; squeeze in the temporary

~ From Derek Miller

We make many, many decisions in our lives.  These decisions range from the routine easy decisions to complex and difficult decisions with long-term impacts.  In the typical day, we have to make thousands of decisions.  We make decisions on whether to shower or eat first, what to eat for breakfast, what clothes to wear, what time to wake our children and/or spouses for their day, what route to use to get to work, and on and on.  Many of these go without much forethought and are made in a fraction of a second.  Many of these decisions, however, even when they are perceived to be small, can have many life altering impacts.

In the Guideposts story written by Kevn Felts, he tells the story of how he was struck to give a $100 to a family that he did not even know.  As it turned out, he provided the seed money to print the initial 15 copies of a story that would become the bestseller, The Shack.  Do you see that?  A simple act of giving to others, allowed author Paul Young to print out 15 copies of his story to distribute to his family members.  God used that gift to help millions who have read The Shack which has sold over 14.5 million copies.  Kevin relays that he never knew who he gave the money to until he was called upon to be the camera man for a documentary about Paul Young and realized he was the beneficiary of the $100.  A gift that has been multiplied many times over when placed in God's hands.

In Matthew 6:19-21, we are called upon to store up treasures in heaven and not here on earth.  Jesus lays out the different economic lessons that God has for us.  Many times we get hung up on the marketing blitz of modern times and we lose out on seeing that many "treasures" we seek have a short life span and we find that we have to scratch that itch for the next latest and greatest thing.

In Luke 12:16-21, Jesus relays the parable of the foolish farmer who has a bumper crop.  Rather than being generous with his bounty, he decides that he is going to build bigger barns and take it easy for a while.  The story shows that while Jesus continues to show that we tend to focus on the temporary, God is more interested in the eternal.  One thing to notice here is that Jesus doesn't say that the man in the story is evil or wicked.  He simply calls him a fool.  Why does Jesus use this harsh word?  The man did not deliberately set out to neglect his wife or ignore his children.  He did not establish the goal of becoming greedy and self-preoccupied as possible.  He didn't purpose in his heart to defy God or close off all compassion for the poor.  He just had other things to do.  He was simply too busy.  His priority list of what mattered most would be:

1. Harvest large crops
2. Build bigger barns
3. Achieve financial security
4. Eat
5. Drink
6. Be merry

What he did not bank on was that all of these things were temporary.

When we do a little mental accounting, we realize that as we look around and think about our lives, there are many things that are temporary.  This list includes our possessions, our resumes, our bodies, money, pleasures, other people's opinions of us, security, titles and positions, youth, power, physical attractiveness, and health.  On the Forever side of the ledger, we find God, our investments in the lives of others, our soul and deeds of love are eternal and are those treasures in heaven that Jesus talked about in the earlier verses.

What these verses are saying is that we need to be rich toward God.  You may ask, what does that look like:

• Being rich toward God means growing a soul that is increasingly healthy and good.
• Being rich toward God means loving and enjoying the people around you.
• Being rich toward God means learning about your gifts and passions and doing good work to help improve the world.
• Being rich toward God means becoming generous with our stuff.
• Being rich toward God means making that which is temporary become the servant of that which is eternal.
• Being rich toward God means savoring every roll of the dice and every trip around the board in this game of life.

What stops you from being rich toward God?

A couple of things get in our way.  One is that we are in a long lasting desire to keep score.  The old "keeping up with the Joneses" routine.  It is easy to use stuff to keep score and it is very difficult to quantify the effect of loving and serving both God and others.  We love to compare and contrast ourselves to those around us and decide whether we are better than, equal to, or worse than someone else.  Second and very related to the first, is that we like to live in the here and now and we lose track of the coming accountability that we are going to have to give later on.  With all of this, it is important to recognize that wise people build their lives around what is eternal and squeeze in what is temporary rather than the other way around.

Kyle Orth has learned that very thing.  Growing up in Tallahassee, Florida, he was one of the best athletes that I ever saw.  Whether we played football, basketball, baseball, track or any other athletic endeavor, everyone always wanted to be on Kyle's team.  It seemed that his teams never lost.  In a relay race, he was the anchor leg to make sure that any deficit after the third lap could be made up with his speed.  I was on a recreation league team with Kyle and we won the league championship in come from behind fashion due in large measure to Kyle's play.  As the years went along, my family moved away and when we moved back to Tallahassee, his family had moved.  The last time that I saw Kyle was when he came to a bank I worked at in 1982.  We had lost touch with each other.

Recently, through a series of God centered events, our lives have reconnected when I noticed pictures of work he was doing last summer in South Africa.  After getting to see his sister on Facebook and getting his contact information, I corresponded with Kyle and he related his story of how he has gotten so heavily involved in kingdom work.  He related to me that while influenced by events that happened to build his foundation in childhood, his recent involvement in these missional trips has been triggered by a calling to do things with an eternal effect rather than a temporary one.  It started about a decade ago with a daily quiet time and then built into his following the footprints of Jesus into the world.  He answered the call of who will go with, "Here am I, send me."

Kyle is epitomizing that wise people build their lives around what is eternal and squeeze in what is temporary rather than the other way around.  I always enjoyed being on Kyle's teams because I knew that we were going to win.  Jesus' words show that we need to recognize that it is being on His team that really makes all the difference.  When we do that and we change our focus from ourselves and our needs to those of others around us that is when we become eternal winners!