Being attractive

There is one thing of which I am certain:

No one wants to be around someone who is unattractive, thereby leaving the unattractive all alone a great deal of the time. Someone who is perpetually alone isn’t building healthy relationships with others, and therefore is failing to introduce people to Jesus. And, each of us is commanded to help people discover Jesus as Savior. (Matthew 28:19).

Are you attractive or unattractive? That’s the question.

And, it has little to do with beauty though Satan would have us believe that beauty and attractiveness are synonymous. Satan would also have us think this is all a women's issue, but it is not.

Beauty is only skin deep.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
And, I like this one: Beauty doesn’t matter after 50 because you will either be overweight in some degree or thin and wrinkled – choose one and be happy with it. (Personally, the overweight seem more healthy and fun to me, but then again I am one of them. J)

Beauty is a characteristic that is based on a perceptual experience. That’s why we all see beauty differently. It’s why someone decorates their home and says, “Wow, this is beautiful” and then someone like me comes in and says, “Wow, what were they thinking?” Beauty is subjective.

Unfortunately, we assign beauty to being Godly, and it’s not. Beauty is of this world. When 81 percent of 10 year old boys and girls say they are afraid of being fat because it makes them ugly – that’s a problem. That statistic alone speaks to a world more focused on being superficially beautiful than being inwardly attractive to others.Being attractive is so much deeper than beauty. Attractiveness is a quality that stirs an interest in someone else.

I know a lot of people who are attractive, but the world doesn’t necessarily see them as beautiful.
I know a lot of people who the world calls beautiful, but those people aren’t very attractive.
I know a lot of people who bloom beautiful *because* they are first very attractive.
I know a lot of people who are so very unattractive that their beauty has faded into ugliness.

Beauty is fading, fleeting and a distraction to what is really important. We need to focus on being attractive to others and let beauty, on occasion, bloom from that if it will. People will migrate toward people who are attractive; people will be repelled by those who are unattractive. People want to be around the kind, the encouraging, the serving, the loving, and the positive-thinking. People don’t want to be around the self-focused, the bitter, the negative, the superficial, and the lazy. Lonely and without friends? How attractive are your attitudes?

And, I know, we all have moments of being unattractive. We all do; none of us is spared. I know that. But, we have to be working toward an attractive attitude.

So, how do we cultivate and sustain this attractiveness – what I’m calling an attractive spirit. And, why is it important for followers of Jesus? Here’s why – you and I are commanded – not encouraged or invited or asked – but commanded to make disciples, to see people baptized, and to be expressive about Jesus. Well, who has the more authentic opportunity to reflect Jesus? The attractive or the unattractive? If my life is so self-absorbed that I am no longer attractive, what effect does that have on my ability to build relationships with people and tell them about Jesus? It has a huge effect. The more I’m focused on me, the more addicted I am on me, the more unattractive that is to others, and the less chance I have to tell others about Jesus.

A rotten spirit of attractiveness destroys our opportunity to help others find Jesus.

So, here are some things that I found in Scripture this week to help us focus on being more attractive for the purpose of building relationship and sharing Jesus. And, while Scripture sometimes puts these in the context of women, I think we men must pay attention to them, too. You will see what I mean.

1. We must be a follower of Jesus. And, look what happens in 1 Peter 3:1-4 – “. . . your Godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” Your Godly lives – that implies that we must be in fellowship with God through faith in Jesus. People are attracted to those who have an inner peace about their lives and where they are in life.
2. This 1 Peter Scripture passage also points to being “gentle and having a quiet spirit.” My daddy has that gentle spirit – and I try to be like him in this regard. A few years ago, we were at the movies, and I turned around and he wasn’t there. Then, I saw him. He was on the sidewalk, helping a little boy who had spilled his M&Ms, and I heard him say, “If dirt would kill us, we’d all be dead.” He is quietly gentle toward others, and possesses a quiet and loving touch on someone’s life. People are attracted to the kind of person who lives unassuming.
3. Psalm 29:2: “Honor the Lord for the glory of His name. Worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness.” Being holy is attractive. What is holy? It’s about being “set apart” – if the world is busy, busy and materialistic and flashy, then holiness – set apart – is the antithesis of that. People in this culture are attracted to those who live a simple, uncomplicated, authentic and down-to-Earth life because it gives people hope that they can live that way too and in so doing everything will be just fine.
4. Ephesians 5:21: Paul writes about the relationship of husbands and wives and says, “Further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Marriages are attractive when husbands and wives submit to one another. I know that when I submit to Vicki it becomes learned behavior that allows me to submit to the best for others, too. I love my Vicki so much that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. If she says, “Scott, go with me to counseling,” I’m going. If she says, “Scott, it sure helps if you will do the laundry” then, I’m doing the laundry.” If she says, “Scott, you need to lose some weight” then I’ll make a run at it. Why? I submit to her because I love her more than I love myself. But, I also have confidence that she’s only going to ask of me those things that will either make me a better person or make our marriage better. Neither of us is going to ask the other to do something through selfish motivation.Those kinds of marriages are attractive to others, give hope to others, and create environments through which faith can be shared.
5. Matthew 5:14-6: Jesus says that, “You are the light of the world . . . shine for the world to see. Let your good deeds shine out for all to see so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” An attractive spirit does good work for others, and does it out there so people can see us get our hands dirty. It’s not about advertising it; it’s about getting out there among people and doing it. People will notice when you donate time to the good of the community and the good of others. And, it inspires others to do that, too. It inspires conversation that you can use to talk about Jesus. Every believer should be involved in the community in some way – hands and feet to real service. What does it say when only 15 percent of believers are actually involved in hands-on ministry or service? It says we don’t really believe what we claim to believe – and that’s not very attractive.
6. Last, Isaiah 3:16-26: The great prophet presents a metaphorical warning for those who subscribe to a superficial obsession with beauty. And, what we take from this is that it’s far better to live a life that is meek and humble, simple and encouraging, and gentle and quiet, focused on pursuing attractiveness for the sake of the Gospel – a life focused not so much on the mirror, but the window of opportunity to build relationship and share faith.

Lord, let me be attractive today. Let others fall in love with you because they see you reflected in everything that I do, say, and think today.