The Love Dilemma - Sacrifice

John 3:16: "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." NLT

While our faith hangs on this Scripture verse, there are two things within the verse that cause me to pause when thinking about Love. First, God gave his "one and only" so that our existence would be improved. Second, while God "gave," the giving wasn't a gift in the sense of a birthday gift, but in the sense of a sacrifice. God "gave away" so that our existence would be improved. God did not give one of his sons so we could have eternal life; God has his only son - sacrificed his only son - so we could have eternal life.

In the context of our lives, there are four recognized forms of Love. I present them here admittedly over-simplified:

• Eros - Romantic, sensual, erotic love.
• Storge - Affectionate love; the love you share within families. Chance love - "I had no control over being in this relationship, which is bound by affection for one another."
• Philia - Love between friends; love between people who share a common interest or activity.
• Agape - Unconditional, sacrificial love regardless of circumstance.

In the coming weeks, we'll unpack Love from a lot of different angles using the definitions above. It would be impossible to begin this conversation without a quick look at Agape love. As followers of Jesus, this is the Trump Card of Love - it's the Love we are called to replicate in all of our relationships - the one with the Father through Jesus and the ones with others. In fact, our Eros, Storge and Philia forms of Love are stronger when grounded in Agape love. I swear my parents - after 50+ years of marriage - seem to be more in love sense my dad cut back on his deer hunting so he could be available for my mom following her injuries in the past year. He sacrificed what "he wanted" for what "she needed" and their marriage - even in these Golden Years - as improved. Wow, what we can learn from that . . . right now!

When I think of a human example of sacrifice, I look to the life of my Vicki.

Vicki was born in Macon, GA. She was the third of four children. When she was a little girl the family of six moved to Decatur, GA - within Atlanta. Her dad, Don, was an electrical engineer with Georgia Power Company. Vicki's dad grew up Baptist; her mom grew up Methodist. The family was involved in a Methodist congregation while in Macon, but fell away from church and faith when they moved to Decatur. In Atlanta, the Bowens made fast friends with Martha and Larry Creel, who were neighbors and co-workers at Georgia Power. Martha Creel was a strong follower of Jesus, ensuring her children were in church and involved in faith. She began to invite / take Vicki to church with her children. It was through Sunday School and worship, as a little girl, that Vicki prayed to receive Jesus as her Savior. (Vicki made a public profession and was baptized at Watkinsville (GA) First Baptist when she was in college at the University of Georgia).

Martha Creel had her own children to get up and get out the door to church. It wasn't just one time that Martha took Vicki with her family to church - it was all the time. Martha made a sacrifice to ensure her neighbor's child came to know Jesus, too.

When Vicki was a junior in high school, her dad received a job offer from the Lower Colorado River Authority in Austin, TX. It was a job too good to ignore, but there was dilemma. Vicki was entering her senior year of high school. She was a cheerleader. She had good friends. She was at the top of her academic class. She was wrapping up a very strong high school tenure. Don and LaRose made the decision to leave their daughter - their 17 year old daughter - in Georgia with no family nearby. Arrangements were made for Vicki to live out her senior year with a friend's family. They left her behind. Don told me much later that he cried all the way to Mississippi and turned back twice in Alabama. For years I thought there was a measure of shamefulness in his decision to leave his daughter in the care of strangers. But, as I matured, I realized that Don made a sacrifice for his daughter's happiness and for her future. And, had he not left her, I would not have met her, and our lives would be vastly different.

Don Bowen made a sacrifice for what he felt was the best thing for his daughter. He made that sacrifice from a deep place of love and not a superficial place of selfishness.

Unfortunately, Vicki's housing with the friends was short-lived. The friend's mom was unwilling to make the sacrifice, and Vicki was given "notice" to find other living arrangements or move to Texas. One afternoon, her economics teacher, Martha Chastain overheard girls talking about Vicki's situation. Martha talked to her husband, Larry (yes another Martha and Larry), and they agreed that Vicki could live her senior year with them. The Chastain's two-year-old son Michael would love the idea. It was while Vicki lived with the Chastains that I met her, we began dating, and have been together for 31 years.

Martha and Larry Chastain made a sacrifice to "rescue" a young woman in need. It's not an easy thing to open your home - warts and all - to an outsider, and yet they made that sacrifice to help a young woman's future.

Sacrifice. Sacrifice is "giving" with the volume turned all the way up. It's love that's amplified.

Sacrifice isn't opening your wallet and saying, "Here, please take one of my $20 bills." No, sacrifice is opening your wallet and saying, "Take my only $20 bill. Take my entire wallet."

Sacrifice isn't "working someone in" your calendar. Sacrifice is closing the calendar and saying, "Where do you need me?"

Sacrifice isn't community service when it's convenient. Sacrifice is working on all day, and then serving others when you are hungry and exhausted.

Sacrifice isn't serving while on vacation; sacrifice is forfeiting vacation for service.

Sacrifice isn't the dad who buys his children everything they need because he can afford it; sacrifice is the dad who will give up everything but work and toil so that his children can eat, have a roof and be clothed.

It's a dilemma for us isn't it? We want to bastardize sacrifice so that it's comfortable, But, it is not. Sacrifice will never be comfortable. It will always be costly; it will always involve suffering - giving up. And, giving up is like swimming upstream to humans in a world like ours.

John quotes Jesus in John 15:12-14: "Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life (sacrifice) for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command."

So, you and I are commanded to sacrifice for one another as an expression of our love for one another. And, this sacrifice is for everyone because Jesus was a sacrifice for everyone. And, those who are willing to sacrifice are those that Jesus will call His friends.

Gulp. Big gulp.

What can I give up today? What can I sacrifice today? What can I go without so that others can live more prosperous? And, can I make this a daily practice? Can I make this a part of my journey as a follower of Jesus? Love is a dilemma.

A Simpler 2013

Church involvement combined with personal Christianity can be exhausting. If we're not careful, we can be pulled this way and that way, attend this and attend that, contribute this and contribute that, and be here and be there. Sometimes I get so exhausted with all of it that I lose the energy to be the effective believer that I'm called to be: I don't have the energy to minister to others toward the goal of talking about Jesus.

And, so my goal is to live a simpler 2013.

In Acts 2:43-47, Luke – the Gentile physician – writes, “A deep sense of awe came over them (all the believers who were meeting together), and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together constantly and shared everything they had. They sold their possessions and shared the proceeds with those in need. They worshipped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity – all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved.”

In Acts 8, Saul is persecuting – murdering – Christians and many of them have scattered. Look at verse 4: “But (despite persecution) the believers who were scattered preached the Good News about Jesus where they went.”

Last week, I went on a three-day trip to Washington, DC. I went with my son, William, who was auditioning for a role in a theatre performance there. William and I rode Amtrak from Florence to DC, primarily because Union Station was within walking distance of both our hotel and the theatre. It was just really easy - no rental cars or taxi rides.

It was on the train ride back to Florence that I began to pour over Scripture and pray. “Lord, we live in such a cluttered and noisy world, where we face all kinds of pulls and pushes – many times from within our own families – and I get so tired sometimes that I don’t have the energy to follow you as closely as I should.

And, the Lord led me to Acts 2 and 8 as a reminder of how simple the community of faith should be and how focused my involvement should be. His message to me – and to our class – was this: Slow down, keep things simple, but be bold in proclaiming the Good News.

In 2013:

• We will certainly continue our regular meeting together, as believers, on Sunday mornings, but we are going to put additional emphasis on our women’s and men’s groups, and other small groups that perhaps some of you want to start. Sunday will be our weekly gathering, but I want to see other groups gather and meet for prayer and Bible Study.
• We will continue to share what we have with one another and with those in need, but we are going to pull this back to a smaller number of benevolent projects.
• We are going to have a push for people to open their homes – big or small, new or old, polished grass or – in my case – weeds, for the purpose of Christian hospitality and the sharing of the Lord’s Supper. I would like to take some time at Easter and see small groups gather in homes for the purpose of prayer and the Lord’s Supper.
• We will continue to enjoy the goodwill of one another through Christian fellowship, providing parties that help us connect and know one another better.

I hope you can see that our emphasis will be more on relationships than "collecting" stuff on Sunday mornings. Our goal this year is to build deeper relationships using small groups, service endeavors and parties toward the opportunity of telling people about Jesus. We won’t “do stuff” just for the sake of “doing stuff,” but for the sake of sharing the gospel. We must separate from what is known as Cultural Christianity – “feeling good about doing good, but keeping Jesus private to themselves.”

For all those early believers did for one another, for others and with others, the bottom line was that they gathered together and then they scattered to preach the Good News of Jesus. That’s what sets us apart. And, don’t tell me that you can’t do it, because that’s a lie. God did not call you to a private faith.

In fact, a faith story that is never or rarely shared cheapens grace, makes a mockery of the cross, and I dare say reflects a life that can talk about faith and church but has no eternal security whatsoever. Every person in your family and every friend you have must know your faith story, hearing Jesus proclaimed. People who know Jesus as their Savior will find it impossible – absolutely impossible – to keep Him private regardless of the personal risk to reputation and profit. To be unwilling to talk of Jesus is reflective of a life that does not really know him as Savior.

I know what you are thinking. Oh, Scott, I’m not qualified. I didn't grow up in church and no one has ever taught me how to share my faith. Or, Scott, my life is a contradiction – I love Jesus, but I like my Budweiser. Oh, Scott, if I start talking about Jesus to my friends, they won’t invite me to the lake; I just don’t want to be that serious. If I sit down with all my family and tell them how I came to Jesus, it will be like passing gas in a room with no ventilation. I'm not comfortable talking about Jesus. My faith is between me and the Lord.

Well, I’m sorry. Romans 10:9 says, “If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” There is no wiggle room for a private faith – a selfish and cheap grace. We must confess it with our mouths that Jesus is our Lord. As Jesus climbed Calvary with that old rugged cross, he never said, “I’m doing this so it will be easy for you – so you can believe, keep me to yourself, and never share the story of my sacrifice.”

But, understand, Sunday School, is and should be the “school” – the education ground – for how to build relationships, how to understand faith stories, and how to get comfortable with talking to others about Jesus – not in uncomfortable ways, but just in seeing opportunities, hearing the Holy Spirit, and seizing the opportunity. Sunday School is where we believers come together to learn from Scripture, learn from one another, and develop our own style for sharing the gospel with others. Through Sunday School, you and I develop our own styles for sharing our faith, but share our faith we must do. And, we must free ourselves from busyness in order to do it. And, sharing our faith doesn't follow a prescriptive, rote process. No, we can open the door to faith conversations by simply praying in the name of Jesus or asking, "Where is Jesus in the storm of your life?"

So, after pouring through all of this on the train ride home, while sitting in the Amtrak’s Café Car, I returned to my seat and took out my 890-page copy of Larry McMurtry’s western classic, Lonesome Dove, which I am reading as part of my 25 books of 2013. William and I were sitting across the aisle from a senior adult man – I later learned was 84. He got on the train with us in DC, and I had helped him lift his bags to the compartment over the seat.

As I began reading Lonesome Dove, I was startled by a sound coming from the old man’s seat. Was that a sob? I know what it’s like to cry so hard that you sob out loud and that’s exactly what it sounded like to me. I looked over and, yes, he was sobbing, weeping so deeply that he could not contain the gasping sounds coming from within.

I closed my book and took a deep breath. I focused on the Lord, and said, “Come on, Lord. Are you kidding me?" And, here’s what I got back, “No Sunday School gathering, no church attendance, no class party, no mission project, no money in an offering plate, no singing of a pretty song – none of that is what you are called to do. You are called for this moment and for all the moments just like it. You are called to step in and love others in the name of Jesus.. All the other “church” stuff provides the education and the encouragement for the moments just like this one – the moment to touch another life in the name of Jesus.”

As I prayed, I heard the old man get control of his emotions. I waited and then I leaned over and simply opened the door to conversation, “Sir, we get off the train in Florence. If you don’t get off there, I’ll get your luggage down for you and leave it in our seats.” He thanked me, and said he was going to Savannah.

I told him that I had once lived in Southeast Georgia, had been an editor of the newspaper in Statesboro, but that our corporate office had been in Savannah. I told him my best friend from college is a Savannah attorney, and that Vicki and I like to go to Tybee Island.

Mr. Ray McCrary told me that he had recently moved to DC to live with one of his daughters. He was going “home” to Savannah to wrap up things related to the move. And, then, the tears flowed. “My wife wants a divorce – after 50 years of marriage.” He was going home to sign papers and begin arrangements to sell their home.

I asked him about his children – other than the daughter he was joining in DC – and he talked of their four natural children and one adopted daughter. And, then, he took a deep breath, and cried some more. “My daughter Debbie died last year.” He apologized for the blubbering, and then said, “I wish I had been a better daddy; no matter how old you are, losing a child is the most horrible thing that can happen to you.” And, I just wondered if somehow his daughter’s death from cancer had in some way loosened the binding ties of an already fragile marriage.

“Please keep me in your prayers,” he said. And, I held his hand and I prayed for him right there on that Amtrak train. Once I would have worried about what everyone else thought, but no more – the urgency of the gospel opportunity trumps what anyone might think about me.

“You must be in the ministry,” he said. “All believers are in the ministry,” I told him. I told him that I was in vocational ministry, and had come to that through a career in the newspaper business. We talked about faith and church. He regretted not having his family in church more, and he regretted not being that faith-minded leader in his family. “We were in church when they were little, but then we just stopped going. None of them go now. If I had it to do over again, we would have been in church every Sunday,” he said.

And, then, we were approaching Florence.

As I stood up, he reached for my hand and said, “It’s funny how all conversations can easily lead to faith. Thank you for helping minister to me; thank you for reminding me that God cares about me. It’s been a long time since I heard someone talk about Jesus.”

I want 2013 to be about spiritual growth through personal preparedness to share the gospel. I want our class to become a catalyst for spiritual revival in our church and in our community. I want us to build authentic relationships with people toward the single goal of talking about Jesus, and I want us to hold one another accountable to grow in our ability to do it.