Parents: How deep is your love?

My role as a dad is changing.

The days are clearly over when I tucked four little boys into bed, told them wild stories of my childhood, listened to their prayers, kissed three of them (Richard wanted a handshake), and said good-night.

Going and gone are the days of coaching them through sports, being at practices and games when I wasn’t coaching, going to school programs, editing their papers, teaching them to drive, and worrying until they closed the front door at midnight.

After Christmas, we put William on an Amtrak to DC, knowing he would arrive at 2 a.m. in a dark train station, and would need to call a cab for a ride home. My internal "daddy clock" woke me up at 2:30 and I texted him, “I’m checking on you.” The response: “Dad, I’m home. I can take care of myself. Go to sleep.”

Even though two of our boys are only 12 miles away, I sometimes go weeks without seeing them – a few days without even a text or a call. Richard is the best: He will text me anytime the Braves make a roster move.

The boys never ask me for money, but I love surprising them with a $50 transfer when I can. I especially love texting, “I’m cooking Sunday night” and they show up for two hours.

Vicki and I put up the Christmas decorations by ourselves this year – first time in about 25 years.

I love each of those boys as much today as I ever have. I was talking to my dad about this changing of the roles and he said, “I look at you and see you at 9, sitting under that big oak tree, reading a book. I know that’s not you, but I love you just as much today as I loved that little boy.”

Deep love. Big love. Authentic love.
The kind of love that wants to know, that wants to be involved, that wants to fix, that wants to see, that wants to talk, that wants to touch, and that wants quality time.

This bond between parent and child – for a lifetime – is so intense that researches say the death of a child – even up to the child’s age of 53 – is psychologically the worst thing that can happen to a human being. Our love of our children is why we get so angry, still, when we hear about parents abusing their children – it crosses the last frontier of our emotional thresholds.

And, yet, in the spiritual world of God, Jesus, Satan, Heaven and Hell – most parents don’t extend their love to those places. And, that questions whether we really love our children at all. Can a believer really love their children if they do nothing toward introducing them to Jesus, and then guiding – by word and example – that child’s spiritual growth until death do you part? I don’t think so. I think a parent's real love begins with the child's salvation and discipleship, and grows up from there. Sadly, most parents don't get that.

According to research:

• 90 % of believing parents said, “Yes” – it’s important for me to pass down my faith to my children.
• 90 % of believing parents said, “Yes” – I believe my child will have a strong faith when he or she graduates from college.
• But in the 166 hours of any given week week, less than 30 percent of believing parents said they do anything more than taking their child to church services.

And, yet, more than 50 percent of those who follow Jesus today give credit to the Christian witness of their parents. Others give credit to a close family member – like a grandparent. Others point to a close family friend. Few credit the institution of church.

Do you see the problem? Parents introduce children to Jesus and help those children grow. Dropping children in a Sunday School class for 40 minutes fewer than 20 times per year and calling that a “faith example” is not loving your children regardless of how much time, money and conversation you have with that child.

Just How Deep Is Your Love?

Proverbs 22:6 reads, “Direct (teach) your children onto the right path (the gospel), and when they are older, they will not leave it.” The right path being the right path of faith in Jesus. Teaching, directing – means one-on-one or one-to-few faith conversations. Parents:

• Do your children know your faith story? 
• Do your children see you with a Bible? 
• Do you lead your child in praying far from the table blessing? 
• Do your children see you ministering in and through Christian community? 
• Do your children see you living the life you want for them, doing the right thing over the smart thing? 

How much do you really love your children? Do you love them enough to see them know Jesus as their Savior? Do you love them enough to see them surrounded by their own Christian friends? Do you love them enough to guide them through relationships toward the spouse God has chosen for them? Do you love them enough to set in motion a generational legacy of faith?

Are you continuing to coach up your children in faith after they've left the nest? Are you continuing to live a day-to-day faith example even in empty nest?

For those who let childhood slip away from faith, the beauty of our faith is that in Jesus each day is new. I can’t tell you how to be a parent to an adult child because I’m learning myself. But, I can tell you that children never stop watching, never stop listening to their parents they respect. 

• Be respectful. 
• Improve your own spiritual life and your priorities, be sincere and authentic and faithful, and reflect Jesus into all of your relationships. Watch the power of Jesus unfold in the lives of your adult children.
• Make Jesus your priority – anchor your decisions in Scripture and let it be known – pray for your children and let them hear it – live faith beyond church attendance. Watch the power of Jesus roll out. I believe it.

How Deep Is Your Love?
How fully committed are you to your children and to your family and to your legacy of faith?

Love, Honor & Cherish

Marriage is important to God. It is serious business.

You and I were created for relationships, and the Bible is all about relationships - our vertical relationship with God, through Jesus, and our relationships with others.
St. Augustine made the statement, “our hearts are restless until we find our rest in God.” We were designed for a relationship with Him.
God created us to have relationship with others – people we could live and learn with. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 12:18-21,  “But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired.” In preparation for this lesson, I read this statement, "If God deeply desires to place us in relationship with the body of Christ (the church), doesn’t that mean He also desires to place us with the spouse of His choice?"
Do you see that shift? It's not about who we want to marry - or arrange for our children to marry - but who God desires to place us with.
Marriage then, for me, becomes a supernatural, God-valued, serious part of our lives.

But, why would God create marriage? Why is it important?
Marriage is the most intimate (closest) of human relationships. Of all your Earthly relationships - all of them - the closest, the most intimate, the most endeared is the one with your spouse. No relationship trumps the relationship with your spouse. If others - even children - have come between you and your spouse, your marriage is in trouble.

Why is the marriage relationship the most precious? In Romans 8:29, Paul writes, "For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His son (Christ-like)." We know from Jeremiah that God knew us before we were born, and God desires us to be conformed to the image of His son, Jesus. Marriage - being bound to someone for a lifetime - forces us to care for someone other than self, to consider someone other than self, to love someone more than self. What better than marriage sharpens us toward putting self aside and being more like Jesus? Remember the traditional vows: Love, Honor & Cherish (putting spouse ahead of self) Until Death Do Us Part?

Marriage is God's way of teaching us to be more Christ-like. Knowing this about marriage helps us understand why we should be praying every day for our spouse. Single folk should be praying for their future spouse. Parents should be praying for the future spouses of their children . . . and grandchildren. Who do you have chosen, Lord, and hear and direct my prayers for them?

The problem in our culture, friends, is that we don't take seriously the things of God. We have reduced church - the bride of Christ - to another organization through which to impress our friends. We claim to pray for others, but never do it. We've trivialized marriage. Many marriages are doomed to fail before they even begin.

In some faiths, marriage (Matrimony) is a Holy sacrament. Even in Baptist services, pastors and officiants will refer to Holy Matrimony. Matrimony is a union; wedlock means joined or locked together. Holy means "set apart." And, so marriage is a bound - locked - relationship that is set apart by God - set apart from all the other relationships in your life. Because it is a relationship set apart by God, God has His hands on it. It's a covenant with God - a solemn and binding relationship meant to last a lifetime. God is so serious about His covenants with us - including marriage - that He sees them as a Walk into Death. God sees these covenants as a walk all the way to death. In the Old Testament, when two people made a covenant with one another, a goat or lamb would be slain and its carcass would be cut in half. With the two halves lying on the ground, the two people forming the covenant would solemnize their promise by walking between the carcass halves. That's how serious God sees marriage.

I don't like television shows like The Bachelor because it takes a God-breathed covenant like marriage and dumbs it down to our culture. Marriage is not a whimsical affair. We focus more on rings, dresses, flowers, parties, showers, bachelor parties, registering and honeymoon trips than we focus on the Holiness of what we are entering - a lifetime commitment with another human toward the goal of sharpening one another into deeper followers of Jesus. I refuse to officiate a wedding that, in planning and delivery, replaces holiness with culturalism. That's not to say that you can't have all the fun - I love a good wedding reception - but the celebration should be the union of two people and their covenant with God. What would a wedding reception look like if families of the bride and groom circled them for prayer before the party began? Many people enter marriage with a focus on the ceremony and parties - not the lifetime commitment that follows when all the guests go home.

The covenant is for a lifetime - until death do us part - because God doesn't go away and neither should we. God expects the covenant to stay around, too. And, marriage doesn't get easier as you grow older nor does a 25- or 50-year Anniversary translate into an immunity from problems. Many empty-nesters find their marriages have "lost purpose" once the children are grown, and spouses begin to look for new territory. As we get older, we begin to think about "bucket lists" that we want to accomplish without our spouses along. Satan hates God, and God is at the center of marriage. No marriage - until death has claimed it - is secure from Satan's attacks.

What about divorce? Clearly, and without question, divorce is not a a part of the marriage equation. That's why so much due diligence is required before marriage. It's why parents must coach children toward dating / engagement that involves prayer, faith conversations, parental counseling and formal counseling. Young people must know that marriage is serious business and divorce is not an option. But . . . certainly divorce is a reality in our broken world. Divorce is inevitable because of our broken world. Even in the Old Testament, Moses permitted divorce provided the two parties wrote a letter requesting it. Even in Moses' day it was relatively easy to get a divorce, but Moses required the letter to ensure the parties had thought it through.

Jesus was asked about divorce in Matthew 19:5-6. He responded this way, "Haven’t you read Scripture? God made them male and female. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into ONE. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them for God has joined them together.”
Someone asked Jesus, “Well, what about Moses and that letter-writing business?”
Jesus said, “Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God originally wanted. And, I tell you this, a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery – unless his wife has been unfaithful.” (And, in our culture, that goes both ways)."

In fact, Paul, in 2 Corinthians, implies that if you aren't going to take marriage gravely seriously, it’s better to remain single.

So, what are the purposes of a marriage:

1. Cooperation – Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Comparable to him means similar and equal to him, compatible, to help and support one another in all things. It’s a partnership because two heads are better than one. Cooperation toward what? Making disciples of Jesus . . . not pooling money or working together for a better economic status.
2. Procreation – Procreation is about preserving humankind from extinction. But, understand this, Christianity does not make procreation or children the primary purpose of marriage – the primary purpose is cooperation. That’s why childless couples should not grieve God’s plan for them. Procreation – producing children from a sanctified home - is equivalent to generating missionaries into a hopeless world. God wants these children raised in faith so they can go marry someone who is a believer, and continue making disciples.
3. Sexual Intimacy - It's the sexual intimacy that protects the marriage against adultery and fornication (consensual intercourse between two non-married people). In 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, Paul writes that "the wife’s body does not belong to her and the man’s body does not belong to him. Each should fulfill their marital responsibilities; not depriving one another except by mutual consent." If you start monkeying around with sexual intimacy in your marriage – using it as a weapon, being influenced by sinful self-esteem about how your body looks, allowing yourself to get so busy that you are too tired – I promise that your marriage will begin to unravel. We are sexual beings made aware of it by man’s fall in the garden of Eden. When sexual intimacy disappears from marriage, most people will give in to a lack of self control and find the intimacy in other places - pornography if not adultery. The door becomes wide open for Satan to bombard the marriage. Christian Marriage elevates the bodily union to become a spiritual union, through the Holy Spirit, just as the Holy Spirit works in the Baptismal water to make humans a new creation.  The Holy Spirit also works in the couple during the marital ceremony, through prayers and faith to unite them in the Lord.  Through the commitments made by the bride and groom in fulfilling the commandments of marriage, and the work of the Holy Spirit, the two partners become one.
4. Reigning – Genesis 1:28, “God said them – man and woman, whom He created separately and purposefully – be fruitful and multiply, and fill the Earth and subdue it.” We must be good stewards and good managers of God’s creation, and I like to further than by saying, “We must be reminded to lead our families in making disciples of Jesus so that all who are on the Earth hear the gospel.”

In closing, I want to give you a few practical things to think about and discuss with your spouse concerning your day-to-day relationship.

1. Love your spouse as God loves us. Sacrificially. What can I put aside to make my spouse’s day better? What can I sacrifice? What speaks love into my spouse: Quality time, encouraging words, gifts, a hug or hand-holding, acts of service? My life? My body?
2. Honor your spouse. 1 Peter 3:7, paraphrased, honor your spouse – be considerate and treat them with respect. Not because they earn it but because through your covenant they deserve it. Being considerate means considering your spouse's feelings and responses before you act; respect them by holding them up as revered – not chiseling away at their reputation.
3. Cherish your spouse. Cherish means “To cultivate with care – to make the person feel special – the most special person to you.” Here's how we cherish our spouse:
1. Sacrifice.
2. Listening.
3. Touching.
4. Being With Them In Public.
5. Saying Kind Things About Them In Public.
6. Sharing Responsibilities.
7. Never Allowing Children or Parents or Siblings To Come Between Spouses.
8. Admiration.
9. Respect.
10. Seeing Every Day As Valentine’s Day.
11. Opening Doors Of Possibility – "Where You Go, I Go."
12. Taking Time To Be Alone With One Another.
13. And, Men, Providing Spiritual Leadership. Men: Have you abandoned spiritual leadership in your home?

Marriage is serious business. Marriage is serious to God because it sharpens us as followers of Jesus and it produces disciples. It is a contract with God. And, God takes His contracts seriously.

The Change Up

God gave me a lesson to teach this week, but then He hijacked that lesson and replaced it with another.

Reading this week from the book of Romans - written by Paul - I came across the familiar verse of Romans 12:2-3: "Don't copy the behavior and customs of the world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then, you will know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." I understand the larger context of that verse, but it spoke to me differently this time: "Change the way you think, Scott, change up the way you are living. Let God use that to transform you."

I came away from Christmas this year somewhat sick at my stomach.

Every year, we go to bed late on Christmas Eve and get up early on Christmas morning. Then, we rush through our family time so that we can pack up and get on the road to Atlanta. We must be at my parents’ house by 4:30 or 5 because at 5:30 we sit down to a meal of prime rib, Aunt Lou’s rice, green beans cooked in fat back, some kind of strawberry salad, Sister Shubert’s frozen dinner rolls, and chocolate layer cake for dessert. Then, we descend into the great room – all 21 of us – for a marathon of opening gifts most of which everyone knows will be exchanged so receipts are included inside the gift. Then, we watch a little television and go to bed. The next day, Christmas is over, and we all begin to drift back to our homes, and my parents are generally glad to see us leave, taking the chaos of the Christmas celebration with us. Each year, it is a mind-numbing exercise in routine. Over and over, year after year, it is the same scene in the same drama of our lives. And, because it’s monotonous, going-through-motions, the same old same old, we begin to get lethargic with Christmas and with family. Our celebration, unintentionally, becomes stagnant. Christmas becomes more about the “doing just to get it over with” rather than “celebrating family through Christmas.” It's time for a change up.

And, stagnation in one area of our life begins to infect every corner of our lives. Our days, our months, our years all begin to look like one another. Did you celebrate Valentine’s Day the same old way as last year? Flowers, card, candy, dinner out, sex? Maybe all the pieces were there, but how different would it be say if you had sex first? Then, you ate the candy together in bed. At least it would be different. What? Not without alcohol? Well, maybe a little champagne breakfast is just what you and yours need on a Valentine’s Day. And, this year, on a Thursday! Now, that's changing it up!

Stagnation and lethargy are suffocating the human experience. Vicki and I were in Washington DC this past weekend. I was the speaker at a church communication clinic,and we decided to turn the trip into a Valentine's getaway. On Friday, she wanted to visit the national Holocaust Museum. I had been there before, and so I let Vicki tour at her own pace. I went to the various “reflection” areas just to think and pray and listen to the testimonies of the Holocaust survivors. A message kept coming through to me, “count every single day as precious – count every single day as an opportunity to really live it. Don’t let your life become complacent. Don’t let your life become lethargic and stagnant.”

Change things up. Keep your life fresh. Value your relationships.

• Every day with your spouse should be like your first date with your spouse. 
• Every day with your children should be like the first day you held them.
• Every day with your Savior should be like the day you first confessed Jesus as your Savior.

The problem is that life calls us to conformity. It's easy (lazy, I say) to just get into routines and schedules and habits, walking like zombies through life and leaving a wake of complacency, lethargy and stagnation. We do the same things the same way - year after year after year - and then we moan from our death beds, "Where did my life go?" I will tell  you this, more and more I am an advocate of "change for the sake of change." Let's just do things differently. And, see if we can't experience a revival of God in our lives because of it.

Perhaps the most sad thing of all is when we let our faith – our precious faith – slip into stagnation. It is so easy for our faith lives and our practice of faith to be no different in 2013 than it was in 2012, 2011, 2010, and 2009. And, I laugh when I hear people say, “I will be a better believer when my children are grown because I will have more time for church and faith.” Great for you - not so good for your children. And, the most unchurched group of people in America? Empty-nesters, who no longer feel the pressure to have their children at church. Stagnation today will be even greater tomorrow. It's a cancer.

You and I need a new enthusiasm.
We need a new enthusiasm over our faith. We need a new enthusiasm over time with Scripture, prayer, the gathering of believers, and the service toward others.
We need a new enthusiasm over our spouses.
We need a new enthusiasm over our children, parents and siblings.
We need a new enthusiasm over the family calendar.
We need a new enthusiasm over our friends, and the finding of new friends in faith.
We need a new enthusiasm over evangelism and telling others about Jesus.
We need a new enthusiasm over this precious life we have been given.

I pray every day that you and I can be part of a revival in Lexington, SC. Not that we necessarily lead it, but that we just have opportunity to be a part  of it. I want to see men and women, husbands and wives, say, I’m going to love Jesus deeply and my life – my priorities, my calendar and even my bank account – will show it. I'm going to change things up.

I’m going to open the Bible every day. I’m going to pray every day – even if I just close my eyes and sit quietly. I’m going to stun my wife by sitting beside her on the sofa and holding her hand – not toward the goal of seeing her naked, but just because I love her. I’m going to go on walks with my children – individually – so I can hear their voices, and I’m not going to be a dream-killer when they share the dreams of their hearts. For no reason whatsoever, I am going to call my parents and siblings and just say, "I love you and I appreciate you."

I decided in December that I would change things up by adding weekly exercise to my calendar. My med-school son pushed me further. "You can't work out 2-3 days a week, dad, and then go eat Rush's chili cheeseburgers. Count your calories, watch  your salt and what your fat. But, mostly, dad, do something every day - walk 20 minutes every day. Do something to get your heart rate going."

I've gotten to where I look forward to the daily walk of 60 minutes or more. I use the time to pray or to listen to Scripture on my iPod, or just listen to a good book - usually fiction or a biography - on tape. I feel better because of the walk. I've met some good people who have encouraged me and whom I have encouraged. I sleep better because of the exercise, and because I sleep better my days are more rested and focused. I'm getting more work done in less time. I'm more patient and sympathetic because I'm more rested and feel better. One hour of walking every day has changed a lot of different places of my life. That one hour has shaken me out of a lethargy that beset me in the final quarter of 2012.

Change something. Let God shake open your life like shaking out a bed sheet on a nice Spring morning. What can God do with me and you if we just change some things to live today differently from this day last year and from yesterday? Revival begins with me and you. We need to change things up.

Oh, yeah, Jesus

As we enter this season of Thanksgiving, it’s time for the Vaughans to begin the annual Thanksgiving poster. 

When the boys were little, Vicki began the annual poster as a way for each person to express their thankfulness for all to see. And, of course, the poster always included the serious – friends and family – but it also included the silly and goofy as the boys tried to make us all laugh.

At some point during our posting, one of us would come around to say, "Oh, yeah, Jesus." We had completely over-focused on all the Earthly things for which we were thankful and completely forgotten to be thankful for Jesus. "Oh, yeah, Jesus. I suppose we should put Him on our poster somewhere."

You are probably no different. We get so wrapped up in counting our Earthly blessings that we fail to think about the fountain from which all of those blessings flow. We get so distracted on the Earthly that we are blinded to the Eternal.

As I watched Halloween come and go this past week, Facebook friends began their annual day-by-day lists of Thankfulness. A few led with Jesus, but many led – just like my family's annual Thanksgiving poster – with the human and the Earthly. I watched good-hearted, wonderful believers lead out with thankfulness for the family dog, Moe's restaurant, favorite football teams, jobs, our country, and Chick-fil-A lemonade. And, so I  used my Facebook page as a reminder that all of our blessings - including family and friends - flows from the No. 1 that is Jesus. And, only Jesus. Some did not take my reminder well, reminding me that their priorities were their priorities, or that Facebook wasn't the place to be so serious, or that they didn't want to offend others with a lot of spiritual conversation. Hmmm. That all sounds like my excuses when I shamefully have that "Oh, yeah, Jesus" moment in front of our Thanksgiving poster.

As we consider, or list, or post our thankfulness at this time of year, let me make a case for Jesus being our No. 1. And, I will use two hymns from The Baptist Hymnal to do it.

In the hymn "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing," the lyricist Robert Robinson reminds us that “Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandring from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood.” And, he writes, “Come thy fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace. Streams of mercy never ceasing, Call for songs of loudest praise.” As part of our fellowship with God, Jesus - as the source of all Earthly and Eternal blessings - sought us out. Jesus is the fountain of all our blessings and deserves our loudest praise.

Revelation 22:1-2 reads, “And, the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb, coursing down the center of the main street.” John’s vision reminds us that the water of eternal life pours out the richness of life with God through Jesus. I can almost imagine this fountain in heaven, pouring out blessings on those who love Jesus, and those blessings pouring into our lives here on Earth. The blessing of our salvation is really the only blessing that we need; the only source for our thankfulness.

In the hymn, "Praise God, from Whom All Blessings Flow," we read these simple words: “Praise God, from whom all blessings flow; Praise Him all creatures here below; Praise Him above ye Heavenly host; Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.”

James 1:17 reads, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father." Every good and perfect gift is from above. Every one. And, those gifts flow down from God because of our faith in Jesus.

On Tuesday, April 28, 1998, I was under a lot of stress at work and at home. I was managing a lot of responsibility at work, and then coming home to four little boys under 10. Vicki and I were like zombies passing in the hallway of our home. And, so on this Tuesday in 1998, I took an entire day to get alone with God. I went to the Baptist retreat center near Winnsboro, and went down to the lake there. I sat for hours, praying and reading Scripture, and everything came back to simply praising God and being thankful for my blessings. God even allowed me to take a nap on a bed of leaves and pine needles. At the close of the day, I made a list in the back of my Bible of all my blessings, and especially all of those times in my life when I knew that God was taking care of me.

In preparation for this lesson, I turned to the back page of my Bible and here's what I had written in the No. 1 position: “I felt your presence when I prayed to accept you in my life – when I made my pubic profession of the surrender of my life to you. I am thankful for that.”

At that worshipful moment in 1998, as I made a list of my thankfulness, Jesus was not part of an "Oh, yeah, Jesus" moment. No, I had recognized that all the blessings in my life flow from my faith in Jesus - the one who sought me and bought me with His redeeming blood. In that 1998 list, the remaining 18 things include my Vicki, when the boys were born, my parents, my siblings, when my sister survived serous surgery, when my brother returned safely from the Gulf War, when God used unemployment to teach me compassion, and on and on and on. But, all those blessings flowed from the No. 1 and the only One – that Jesus died on the cross for me, and He convicted me to lay down my life and follow Him.

In Robinson's hymn of the fountain of blessings, he reminds us, too, that we are constantly being pulled away from the cross to that place of "Oh, yeah, Jesus" when he writes, “Let thy grace, Lord, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee.” But, then there’s the chorus, where he writes, “I am bound for the kingdom, Will you go to glory with me? Hallelujah, praise the Lord.” So, even though we slip and stumble, and often forget about Jesus, the "Oh, yeah, Jesus" moment does call us back to praise Him and honor Him in the No. 1 position of thankfulness. We can celebrate and be thankful for the tether to Almighty God, calling us back to Him. We can give thanks that the Holy Spirit provides those "Oh, yeah, Jesus" moments.

This Thanksgiving, I am going to pledge three things, personally:

1. On the Thanksgiving poster, we will acknowledge Jesus as the center of our thankfulness, placing His name first on the paper. And, I will lead my family in that recognition. From there, the serious and the silliness can unfold. Yes, there is a place for the silliness because I believe Jesus loves to see us laugh with one another, especially within our families.
2. When I have the opportunity, I will remind others – as with this lesson – that all our blessings – all of our thankfulness – pours from the fountain of the cross and the resurrection. As we look into the loving faces of family, we must be reminded that the blessings of those loved ones come to us from a loving God, whom we know because of Jesus.
3. I will be attentive during these three weeks of Thanksgiving to the hurt and the pain of others, and I will look for ways to build relationships through which I might – with the courage of the cross – state and ask, “I am bound for the Kingdom, will you go to glory with me?” Lord, please use me as you will to help another person begin his or her journey of thankfulness with you.

God's playbook for parents

Today is Mother's Day 2012.
I believe it’s important for us to honor our mothers on this special day. By honor, I don’t necessarily mean shower them with gifts, or flowers or candy or take them to fancy restaurants. By honor, I mean recognize these special women beyond the cliche of a Hallmark card. Honor for me means going deeper than a few hours of celebration. We should take time to verbally say "thank you" and mostly, demonstrate by words and actions that we love our mothers. Mother's Day is a day to refocus on the women who brought us into the world, likely influenced our faith lives, and often serve as an important rudder in our family life. It's so much deeper than a casual and annual celebration.

As I prepared this lesson, focusing on Scripture's voice on motherhood, the Lord kept convicting me as a dad, too. We know that the role of parent is trumped only by Holy marriage in God's pecking order of relationships. All other Earthly relationships fall into place behind marriage, first, and parenting, second.

For parents, Psalm 127:3-5 states "children are a gift from the Lord, they are a reward from Him." In Titus 2:4, Paul writes, "Older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. They will not bring shame on the word of God." But, Paul - as he also does in Ephesians 5 - follows this directive with a word for dads, instructing us  "to do good works of every kind, and let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth." Paul doesn't single out mothers - he starts with the dad as the spiritual head of the household, creating an environment of love and spiritual direction. Then, he gives instruction to the mom, accordingly, to form this glove of parenthood around His gift - the children. Scripture doesn't single out moms and dads as much as it speaks to the total household.

So, as I prepared for Mother's Day, I found myself engulfed in Parent's Day. That led me to write God's Playbook For Parents (based on material from www.gotquestions.org). You may read this and say, "Scott, my children are grown, but keep in mind Paul's instruction that "the older must train the younger." I believe those of us who have lived and learned have a responsibility to encourage those who are younger.

God's Playbook For Parents - 7 Things To Make Us Better Moms And Dads
1. Be available. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 – “Repeat (my commands) again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” Certainly, we are to always keep faith in front of our children, but to do that we must be with our children - we must be available. That doesn't mean overbearing, especially as they leave the nest, but it does mean "being there." I'm amazed at how many parents stop parenting, especially when their children begin driving. My boys know - because I tell them every day - "We are always here." Doesn't that reflect God's message to us?
2. Be involved. Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the disciple and instruction that comes from the Lord.” We tend to pigeon-hole this to recreation activities. "We will be involved together at the ballpark, the gymnasium, the soccer fields, or this and that." Being involved isn't the same as being involved in a community or school activity together. When the scoreboard turns off - will you know your children? Will he or she know you? Being involved goes deeper - taking time for one-on-one discussion, thinking and discerning life together. Being involved is about communication, encouragement and instruction. It's taking time to slow down and knowing your children. Personally, I have discovered that a fire pit in the back yard - away from television screens - has become a place for great, deep and purposeful conversations.
3. Be a teacher. Psalm 78:5-6 – “For he issued his laws to Jacob, he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children so the next generation might know them – even the children not yet born – and they in turn will teach their own children.” As believers, we are called to teach our children about faith and to create homes with a Biblical worldview (not a separatist view, but a sacrificial view). My only mission as a parent is to reproduce another generation of believers. If I do that, I'm successful.It won't be healthcare, the economy, or who we elect as president that kills our country - it's going to be a failure of families to reproduce believers into the world. If you don't know how to teach faith in your home, well, that's one of the benefits of plowing your life into a fellowship of believers - the church and / or a Sunday School class. (By the way, it's never too late to talk to your children about faith, and to begin a journey together).

4. Be a trainer. Romans 12:3-8 is a passage related to the authentic living of our spiritual gifts. Training is not just "do this, do that" lip service. Training is living a life that helps children develop skills, discover strengths, and discover spiritual giftedness. Training is modeling the life you want your children to live as adults. Should we be surprised when parents live "this way" and produce children who act the same way? Good or bad. Parents must model the expected way to live. Training is also helping your children discover what God wants them to do, which may not be what you want them to do or even what they want to do. They belong to God. We are the managers of His gifts to us.
5. Be a disciplinarian. Proverbs 13:24 - "Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” Many parents are so busy and distracted that they compensate by working overtime to ensure their children are happy. This leads to anarchy in the home. We must draw boundaries for our children, draw them clearly, draw them consistently, and have an unwavering and consistent penalty for crossing the boundaries. This is not an angry, emotional response. It is a clear and calculated form of cause-effect parenting that is bathed in love. Discipline without love is not discipline. Remember: Being a believer means equal parts encouragement and correction.
6. Be a nurturer. 1 Peter 3:8-9 – For all believers, “Symphathize with one another, love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.” Parents should work to create environments of constant verbal support, freedom to fail, acceptance, affection and unconditional love. I know that I have disappointed my parents, but I also know it did not affect their love for me. Around our home, we use the Motel 6 language that "the light is always on for you."
7. Be a parent of integrity.  Proverbs 11:3 – “Honesty drives good people.” It is important for us to live out the faith we claim to have. Our children are learning character education in school because overall it's not being taught in homes - rich or poor. I've seen the disappointment in my boys' eyes when they see my words and actions fall short of the character education they are learning in school. That's chilling to me. If our behavior at home is inconsistent with behavior they are taught at school and church, it becomes easy for them to discount parents and home life. Do we really want that? Is it really God's plan for families? Shouldn't character education be modeled at home? Yes. So, as parents, we must ask, "What does Jesus think about these actions, words and thoughts?" And, we must be willing to get help to improve our family lives.

On this Mother’s Day – and if you can remember Father’s Day next month :) – take time to move beyond the gifts, or movie, or picnic – use today to demonstrate your love for spouse, tell your children how much you love them, plunge your day into them, tell them stories from your childhood, and model the life you want them to live after you are gone.