Heaven : Heavenly interactions

Every believer hopes and prays that loved ones, when they die, are safe and secure in the arms of Jesus. But, losing a loved is tough on the most steadfast and faithful believer. It's like a part of you has been unceremoniously dissected away without anesthesia. And, in grieving, we want to maintain a closeness with our dearly departed. And, if we're not careful - that desire to maintain contact with deceased loves one can drift us - even innocently - into the occult.

For your own Bible Study, prayer and reflection, I'm going to wade into these waters with Scripture. And, when I offer my own opinion, I will designate it as my opinion.

Can people in heaven see us?

On the shelf in my office, I have photographs of all four of my deceased grandparents. I loved every one of them and each of them contributed to who I am today. They are all dead and gone, and I believe they are each in heaven. As I learn things about the two of died when I was a boy, the more I am at peace with them being in heaven.

But, the photographs make me wonder: Are they watching me from heaven? Are they disgusted by my life and decisions? Do they hurt when I hurt? When I laugh, does it make them happy?

Some believe that those in heaven can see us here on Earth. The Bible doesn't say they can't see us. Some anchor this thinking in Hebrews 12:1, which says, "Since we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses . . ." But, in my opinion, that verse is often taken out of context. I believe this "cloud of witnesses" is less about heavenly spies and more about remembering the lives of faith that serve as a testimony (or witness) to us today.

Revelation 21:4 reminds us that there is no grief, tears or unhappiness in heaven. If our loved ones can look upon us, living in a sinful state, would not our actions and words bring them a measure of unhappiness and sadness? Yes, it would. My Mema would be very distressed at some of the things that I say and do. Because that anxiety can't exist in heaven, I don't believe my Mema is watching me. I believe she is caught up in the fellowship of heaven and in fellowship with our God.

Others say that those in heaven are aware of some Earthly occurrences. In Luke 15:7, Jesus says, “heaven will be happier over one lost sinner who returns to God” implying that all of heaven will know of this activity on Earth and celebrate it. In Luke 15:10, Jesus says, “In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.” Because humans are not angels in heaven (read below), Luke 15:10 implies that humans - in the presence of angels - experience joy over repentance.

My opinion is this: People in heaven are not watching us here on Earth, but when someone on Earth - through receiving the gift of salvation and knowing Jesus as Savior - comes to faith then all of heaven is aware of it. Celebration occurs.

Are people in heaven interacting with us here on Earth?

We know that angels can and have interacted with us here on Earth. In Luke 19:28-44, the angel named Gabriel interacted with Mary. in Hebrews 13:2, we read that there are "angels unaware" among us today.

But, you and I don't become angels when we die. Angels are spiritual beings created by God to be His servants and messengers. He's given them great authority and power to do His will. Psalm 8:5 says that God made humans "a little lower than the heavenly beings."

But, when people go to heaven, 1 Corinthians 6:3 says that we will judge the angels, implying that our heavenly status in greater than the angels. You and I do not become angels when we die.

Laying that issue aside, leads us to this one: Can we communicate with our loved ones who are in heaven?

These are dangerous waters.

I believe that you and I can have dreams and visions of heaven, and in those dreams we may be permitted by the Holy Spirit to see our loved ones. I've had those dreams, some of you have, too, and mine have brought me a great measure of peace and comfort that I know could only come from the Holy Spirit.

I believe, too, that there's nothing wrong with going to a family member's grave site and talking to loved ones as if they are there. There's nothing wrong with going to a grave site, and saying, "I miss you, and let me tell you what's going on in my life." Does that message get to heaven? I don't know. If communicating that way brings you peace of mind, well, I find nothing wrong with it. The peace is coming from the Holy Spirit knowing your pain and bringing comfort to you - not from an interaction with your loved ones.

In all of this, there is a thin veil that I believe is very, very dangerous.

Satan loves to intersect us in grief and feelings of despair.

Praying to loved ones is heresy. Asking loved ones to "do things" for you in heaven, to talk with God for you, to come down and give you "signs" on Earth - that's borderline occult, in my opinion.

1 Timothy 2:5 says, "For there is only one God and one Mediator (Jesus) who can reconcile with God and people. His name is Christ Jesus."

A good rule of thumb is to talk to deceased loves ones, but don't ask them to do anything for you (even to bring you comfort - only Jesus provides comfort that we need from the heavenly realm) or to communicate with you.

Deuteronomy 18:9-14 warns us that "anyone involved in mysticism is an object of horror and disgust to the Lord." I would even extend that to practices that call upon loved ones to “be with us” during this time – however innocent things might seem. I’d be very careful about leaving an empty seat for grandma at the Mother’s Day lunch table, and acknowledging that she’s sitting there. Hearing a loved one through wind chimes or a bird outside the door is mysticism, my opinion.

Satan will use anything he can, especially during times of grief, to look for peace and comfort anywhere and everywhere but the arms of Jesus.

My counsel to you is this: Celebrate and remember the lives of loved ones. Know that as a believer, you will be in the company of loved ones in heaven one day. Let them go enjoy heaven until you get there. Find peace in your Savior and comfort in the loved ones still here with you. Don’t get consumed with holding on to those who have died and gone in unhealthy ways.

Heaven: Will we know one another?

Despite all the sickness, problems and pain in this world, we are in love with one another. It’s our love for one another that makes this world worth enduring. I can’t imagine – do not want to imagine – my life without my Vicki. And, we love our friends, don’t we? I have loved social media because it has allowed me to connect with people in all the chapters of my life – and not just connect with them but allow them to be easily accessible.

Scripture tells us to "love one another" and we do. And, that's really what makes the thought of death so painful to us. We don't want to say "good bye" and we don't people we love saying "good-bye" to us. Our lives become tangled with one another. Death rips it all apart and that is painful. We hate the idea of it, and we dread it, too.

Some of our funeral parlor cliche focuses on "seeing them again one day," but is that true? I believe it is.

But, again, let me caution you as never before: I really flinch over people who come to faith because they want to go to heaven one day. We must come to Jesus because we recognize our sinfulness and we crave restoration with our God. We recognize that a belief in Jesus - in heart and in mind - is the only way that restoration is possible. And, as we are saved from God's wrath, through Jesus, we enter our eternity today. At the moment our human body shuts down completely, we simply move on in life to be in heaven. Heaven is a reward - not a reason.

When I think about heaven, I believe we will see our friends and loved ones in heaven, and we will be able to spend time with them. But, our primary focus will be experiencing God and enjoying the wonders of heaven. I think it will be like going to a giant birthday party, where many of my family and friends will be. I will know a lot of people, I will mix and mingle with a  lot of people, and I will laugh and enjoy the company of a lot of people, but THE PARTY and the GUEST OF HONOR will be the focal point of the party.

From Scripture, we get the idea that people are recognizable in heaven:

• 1 Samuel 28:8-17 : King Saul recognized Samuel when the witch of Endor summoned him from the realm of the dead.
•  2 Samuel 12:23 : David says that he will recognize his infant son that had died.
•  Luke 16:19-31 : Abraham, Lazarus, and the rich man were all recognizable after death.
•  Matthew 17:3-4: Moses and Elijah were both recognizable after death.
•  1 John 3:2 : “But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.” 1 Corinthians 15:47 : “And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man, so shall we bear the likeness of the man from heaven. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality.”
•  People recognized Jesus after His resurrection. (John 20:16, 20; 21:12; 1 Corinthians 15:4-7). If Jesus was recognizable in His glorified body, we will be recognizable in our glorified bodies.

Will Vicki and I be married in heaven?

No. Why do we have marriage on Earth? Eve was made because Adam needed a companion. Second, there was the need to procreate. Neither of those will be needed in heaven, and so therefore there won’t be a need for marriage. Vicki and I will know one another, and I believe we will know we were married here. And, we will enjoy fellowship in heaven. But, we won’t be married. Matthew 22:23-30.

Will I be sad if I don’t see certain people?

Revelation 21:4 reminds us that “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away.”

We won’t be sad and so we won’t mourn those we don’t see. 1 John 3:2 says that through following Jesus, we are already God’s children. As one of God's children, and through my faith in Jesus, I will be 100 percent at peace with who is in heaven. I will completely understand why some are not in heaven. Why? Because they chose not to believe in Jesus while they were on Earth.

Now, that’s hard to understand when we stand here today and think about children, brothers, sisters and parents who might not be with us in heaven. That’s why there should be an urgency, today, to confront people we love with the gospel. 

Will I know my unborn child in heaven?Psalm 139:13-16 reminds us that we were knitted together before we were born; that God saw us before we were born. We were woven together in the dark of the womb. In God's eyes, we became "born" at the moment of conception.

Romans 6:23 says "the wages of sin is death." Unborn children, babies and even children who can't clarify right from wrong have, in fact, willfully sinned. Psalm 51:5 says that that every child born is born with a sinful nature and is subject to judgement. God must punish all sin.

But, Psalm 136:26 reveals God as a God of goodness and mercy. Psalm 145:17 says God is gracious in all His works. 

In 2 Samuel 12, God causes David's infant son to die. The son was conceived in an adulterous relationship with Bathsheba. David then orchestrated for Bathsheba's husband to go to the front lines of battle. David ordered that the troops retreat, leaving Uriah exposed to the enemy so he would be killed.

David mourns the death of his son and in 2 Samuel 12:23 says, "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me." This implies that God has given David comfort that David will see his son one day in heaven.

I trust completely that Vicki and I will one day see the baby we lost through miscarriage. I believe, too, that followers of Jesus who had abortions will see those babies in heaven as well.

We can also draw comfort in Jesus' love for the innocents. In Luke 18:16 he says, "Let the children come to me.” I believe through Scripture that Jesus holds a very dear, loving, special place for little children, and that would include the unborn.

What age will I be? How can I recognize my babies?

This is an unanswered mystery. We know we will recognize one another and that's all. In 1 John 3:2, John writes, “Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when He appears, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is." Some have tried to speculate that based on this verse we all be about the same age as Jesus, when he was crucified – about 30.

I don't believe that, personally. I just have confidence we will recognize one another. (End)

My Jesus: Making Faith A Priority

Jesus is calling you and me to make Him the priority of our lives.
We say we "know" Jesus. We say we believe the Bible. The Bible is clear that "knowing Jesus" means He is the centerpiece of our lives. Yet, each of us - in part or in whole - rejects Him daily as the Lord and Savior of our lives. Yes, He is our Savior, but following Jesus means He is our Lord as well. Lord means "master" or "owner."

It is a heart-breaking story that is replayed in American household after household.What comes between a person and following Jesus?

• People say "I love my home" and demonstrate it by yard work and remodeling and refinancing.
• People say "I love my family" and demonstrate it by investing full-time energy and money in their children.
• People say "I love my job" and demonstrate it by working 80 hour weeks and celebrating a "climb" in business and prestige.
• People say "I love my Jesus" and demonstrate it by . . . an occasional hour on Sunday morning and perhaps a check to the church.

Jesus says we have it all backward. The planning and priorities of our lives should give the "first fruits" to the work of the Kingdom - to following Jesus. Then, we give to home, family and job whatever is left.

Read the story of the Rich Young Ruler.

This story isn't so much about money. It's about priority and the place of Jesus in our lives.
Too many people say, "Whew, for once I'm glad I'm in the middle class. I'm not a rich person with a lot of influence and so this doesn't apply to me." No. This story is about each of us who put what the world values over following Jesus. I'm guilty; so are you. All of us are - at times and perhaps all the time - found wanting in this regard. But, because "we all do it" excuses none of us.

• The Rich Young Ruler came to Jesus, knowing him as a teacher .  .  .  but not as God.
• Jesus says, Why do you call me “good – only God is good." Jesus is not separating himself from being God; He is saying that all men are self-centered and evil.
• The Rich Young ruler wanted eternal life, and Jesus said, “Well, you know the commandments” because Jesus knew the young man was looking for a check-off list. Jesus quotes the commandments out of order just to show the silliness of the check-off list. You and I can't do anything to receive eternal life.
• The young man says, "Well, I do those things. I keep the commandments."
• Jesus loved the young man because he was eager. Jesus says, "Well, there's one thing left to do." He tells the Rich Young ruler that he must go and sell everything that he has, and give it all the poor. AND THEN, "follow me." Jesus is saying, 'You must strip your life down to nothing so that in having nothing, you must have Me to make it day by day. Place Me at the top of your priorities."
• The Rich Young ruler’s face dropped and he went away sad because he could not give up the things of the world.
• Jesus says, “How hard it is for rich people to enter the Kingdom of God!” Exclamation – sadness. Then, he said it again.
• The disciples said, “Well, who in the world can be saved then?” Jesus said, "No one." What Jesus is saying is that the rich young ruler would not have eternal life because he gave his stuff away. We can’t earn salvation. He would have eternal life because he would clear away all the distractions, forcing him to live each day dependent on God to see Him through. And, surrendering to Jesus, to God, would give him eternal life.

How do we begin the journey of making Jesus a priority?

• Slow down.Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God."
• Calendar the things of faith . . . first. Take your calendar, and write "Attend worship and Sunday School" on each Sunday; put small group and mission activities on the calendar. Then, add the family calendar, being careful and thoughtful about removing the things of faith that help you grow.
• Invest in a few others. Segregate your "friends in faith" from your "friends who need faith" and invest in both groups.
• Use the name of Jesus. The more you talk about Jesus, specifically, the easier it becomes. 
• Study Scripture and have regular times of daily devotion.
• Pray. If you don't know how to pray, ask a friend in faith to help you.

In the story of the Rich Young Ruler, there's one thing to consider that is rarely mentioned.

When the young man turned and walked away. Jesus did not chase after him.

Jesus allows you and me to make our decisions. He wants us to freely choose to follow Him. He won’t chase after us. If you choose to value the things of this world over Jesus, He will let you. He will let you live in worry, fear, doubt, depression, regret, and sorrow. He will let you live that way that, hoping that in your deepest despair, you will turn to Him and cry out for the cup of water that only He can provide.

I do believe that we moved by the Spirit to sow the seeds of faith. Our burden is to tell the stories of Jesus – stories like the one of the Rich Young Ruler. We have a burden to share the gospel with people – to say, “Jesus is my Savior.” I believe it.

We have a burden – a responsibility – to live lives that protect our witness – lives that encourage people and don’t cause people to stumble. We have a responsibility to take a stand for what’s right in keeping Jesus and faith as the No. 1 priority in our lives; that stand will be in opposition to what the world calls important and the world will make us pay for it.

As we scatter these seeds of faith in our community and in our neighborhoods and in our work place, we will bump into “rich young rulers” with whom we can have conversations. They may turn away, but the seed will be planted.

We hope that seed was planted in the Rich Young Ruler, that He came to know Jesus one day and is in heaven today. Scripture never tells us. Our mission is simply to plant the seeds, knowing some will grow. So, this story speaks to us in two ways: Make Jesus the center of our lives, and then live lives that scatter the seeds of faith to others.

Parents: How deep is your love?

My role as a dad is changing.

The days are clearly over when I tucked four little boys into bed, told them wild stories of my childhood, listened to their prayers, kissed three of them (Richard wanted a handshake), and said good-night.

Going and gone are the days of coaching them through sports, being at practices and games when I wasn’t coaching, going to school programs, editing their papers, teaching them to drive, and worrying until they closed the front door at midnight.

After Christmas, we put William on an Amtrak to DC, knowing he would arrive at 2 a.m. in a dark train station, and would need to call a cab for a ride home. My internal "daddy clock" woke me up at 2:30 and I texted him, “I’m checking on you.” The response: “Dad, I’m home. I can take care of myself. Go to sleep.”

Even though two of our boys are only 12 miles away, I sometimes go weeks without seeing them – a few days without even a text or a call. Richard is the best: He will text me anytime the Braves make a roster move.

The boys never ask me for money, but I love surprising them with a $50 transfer when I can. I especially love texting, “I’m cooking Sunday night” and they show up for two hours.

Vicki and I put up the Christmas decorations by ourselves this year – first time in about 25 years.

I love each of those boys as much today as I ever have. I was talking to my dad about this changing of the roles and he said, “I look at you and see you at 9, sitting under that big oak tree, reading a book. I know that’s not you, but I love you just as much today as I loved that little boy.”

Deep love. Big love. Authentic love.
The kind of love that wants to know, that wants to be involved, that wants to fix, that wants to see, that wants to talk, that wants to touch, and that wants quality time.

This bond between parent and child – for a lifetime – is so intense that researches say the death of a child – even up to the child’s age of 53 – is psychologically the worst thing that can happen to a human being. Our love of our children is why we get so angry, still, when we hear about parents abusing their children – it crosses the last frontier of our emotional thresholds.

And, yet, in the spiritual world of God, Jesus, Satan, Heaven and Hell – most parents don’t extend their love to those places. And, that questions whether we really love our children at all. Can a believer really love their children if they do nothing toward introducing them to Jesus, and then guiding – by word and example – that child’s spiritual growth until death do you part? I don’t think so. I think a parent's real love begins with the child's salvation and discipleship, and grows up from there. Sadly, most parents don't get that.

According to research:

• 90 % of believing parents said, “Yes” – it’s important for me to pass down my faith to my children.
• 90 % of believing parents said, “Yes” – I believe my child will have a strong faith when he or she graduates from college.
• But in the 166 hours of any given week week, less than 30 percent of believing parents said they do anything more than taking their child to church services.

And, yet, more than 50 percent of those who follow Jesus today give credit to the Christian witness of their parents. Others give credit to a close family member – like a grandparent. Others point to a close family friend. Few credit the institution of church.

Do you see the problem? Parents introduce children to Jesus and help those children grow. Dropping children in a Sunday School class for 40 minutes fewer than 20 times per year and calling that a “faith example” is not loving your children regardless of how much time, money and conversation you have with that child.

Just How Deep Is Your Love?

Proverbs 22:6 reads, “Direct (teach) your children onto the right path (the gospel), and when they are older, they will not leave it.” The right path being the right path of faith in Jesus. Teaching, directing – means one-on-one or one-to-few faith conversations. Parents:

• Do your children know your faith story? 
• Do your children see you with a Bible? 
• Do you lead your child in praying far from the table blessing? 
• Do your children see you ministering in and through Christian community? 
• Do your children see you living the life you want for them, doing the right thing over the smart thing? 

How much do you really love your children? Do you love them enough to see them know Jesus as their Savior? Do you love them enough to see them surrounded by their own Christian friends? Do you love them enough to guide them through relationships toward the spouse God has chosen for them? Do you love them enough to set in motion a generational legacy of faith?

Are you continuing to coach up your children in faith after they've left the nest? Are you continuing to live a day-to-day faith example even in empty nest?

For those who let childhood slip away from faith, the beauty of our faith is that in Jesus each day is new. I can’t tell you how to be a parent to an adult child because I’m learning myself. But, I can tell you that children never stop watching, never stop listening to their parents they respect. 

• Be respectful. 
• Improve your own spiritual life and your priorities, be sincere and authentic and faithful, and reflect Jesus into all of your relationships. Watch the power of Jesus unfold in the lives of your adult children.
• Make Jesus your priority – anchor your decisions in Scripture and let it be known – pray for your children and let them hear it – live faith beyond church attendance. Watch the power of Jesus roll out. I believe it.

How Deep Is Your Love?
How fully committed are you to your children and to your family and to your legacy of faith?

Men: Committed To Your Family, Wife

In 1998, I had opportunity to attend a week-long leadership event at The Gallup Institute in Lincoln, NE. These are same Gallup folk who do all the Gallup Research projects. While they were putting students through a series of tests, interviews and personal assessment, Gallup was also using what they learned as research.

A part of our week included a visit to the University of Nebraska, where we heard a lecture about former Cornhusker head coach Tom Osborne, who had retired after 25 years. Osborne went on to serve in Congress and served as Nebraska’s athletic director before retiring last year.

In 25 years of coaching, Osborne’s Cornhuskers never won fewer than nine games in a season, finished in the top 15 for 24 or 25 seasons, finishing 24th in 1990. They won national championships in 1994 and 1995 and shared the 1997 crown. They won or shared 12 Big Eight conference titles and one Big 12 conference title. His record was 255-49-3 giving him an 83.6 percent winning percentage. He won 250 games faster than any coach in Division 1-A history.

Here’s what I learned about Osborne’s success. He coached play-by-play, series-by-series, believing that if he won plays, accumulated x number of rushing yards in a game, had punts that averaged x number of yards, his team would likely win the game. He coached play-by-play, trusting that the cumulative of small successes would end with a scoreboard victory. If you take care of the day-to-day, the scoreboard will take care of itself.

Men, it's the same with our marriages. And, spiritually healthy marriages lead to spiritually healthy families.

In Ephesians 5:22-23, Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.”

Men, if you keep reading down through v. 30, you will see that Paul overwhelmingly writes to husbands, who must serve as the spiritual leaders of their homes. We read this passage of Scripture and snicker at the notion of submissive wives, but Paul's words are really for men in the role of husband. I believe the husband is the spiritual leader of his home, and I believe that as he leads his family according to fullness of Scripture, loving and respecting his wife, the family should respect and follow him. Ephesians 5:22-23 is not a privilege for men, but a responsibility for men.

Healthy marriages begin with a man who is committed to Jesus and who is committed to leading his family in faith. The Lord leads the husband to lead his family and the man's leadership will always be squared with Scripture. Public opinion won't affect his leadership. And, the man's leadership will always begin with love for his wife.

All too often, we get focused on the big picture of a successful marriage. What's needed is less scoreboard-watching and more day-by-day love of our spouses. I just believe that if we can string together enough great days in marriage, the long-term health of my marriage will be just fine. And, as a man, that day-to-day investment in a great marriage begins with me. So, here are some thoughts for all of us spiritual leaders:

1. Love your wife as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25). How did Christ love the church? No-limit sacrifice without looking back. You do anything you can for your wife and you don’t worry about what she does for you. Your sacrifice is a gift.
2. Love your wife as you love yourself. (Ephesians 5:28-33). You care for your body every day, brushing your teeth, eating your meals, exercising, reading . . . every day should begin with this question, “Sweetheart, what can I do for you today?”
3. Be considerate as you live with your wife, with respect (1 Peter 3:7). The Bible also says if men neglect this command their prayers will be hindered. How do you show respect to someone? Don’t speak badly about your wife in casual conversation. Don’t embarrass her. If it gets on her nerves, stop doing it.
4. Do not be harsh with your wife. (Colossians 3:19). If you have a sensitive wife, take a deep breath before you lose your temper or speak harshly. Think about how you feel when employers or supervisors at work treat you that way.
5. The husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but to his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). A good lover starts with the other person’s sexual satisfaction. Make it about her; romance always wins the day.
6. Rejoice in your wife (Proverbs 5:18-19) – Your wife and your wife alone is the only woman in your life. She is the queen of your life. You should look on no other woman – friend or stranger or porn star – in the same way you look on your wife.
7. And that women may be dressed in simple clothing, with a quiet and serious air; not with vanity about her hair and gold or jewels or expensive clothing (1 Timothy 2:9). Your wife should not be another man’s stumbling block in thought or deed, and you should love your wife without the makeup just as much as you love her with the makeup.
8. Call your wife ‘blessed’ and praise her. (Proverbs 31:28-29). Don’t take your wife for granted, praise her sacrifices and actions for the family.
9. Tell your wife how captivated you are with her body. (Song of Solomon 4:7). God made your wife. God makes no mistakes. Love every part of her. If there’s something you want to change about her, start first with yourself.
10. Honor your marriage; keep it pure by remaining true to your wife in every way. (Hebrews 13:4) Matthew 5:28, Jesus reminds us that where your treasure is located there is your heart. Make sure your treasure begins with your wife.

Win each day and win the game.

Beware of thieves

By James Berry
My Mamaw Calla (my mother’s mom), was a very special woman.  She endured many struggles and hardships in her life.  The “crossroads” crisis that still impacts our family to this day happened when her youngest daughter, Kathy, was killed by a school bus in front of their Sumter, SC home at the age of 10.  

I’ve heard the story many times of how Mamaw rode in the backseat of the car with Kathy’s head in her lap all the way to the hospital. My mom still speaks of the blood stain in the road that was a constant reminder for many years. My grandparents took two different paths to dealing with this loss. My grandfather put all of his energy into his work as a farmer and insurance agent.  He basically pretended that it never happened and did not grieve at all.  Mamaw grieved for her daughter, and struggled with depression and emotional problems to the point that she eventually needed to be hospitalized for a period of time. While my grandmother was hospitalized, my Grandfather developed a relationship with another woman and my grandparents were eventually divorced.  My grandfather basically took everything and left Mamaw with nothing.

Mamaw moved back to Kentucky and lived with family there until she fell in love with a man named Bob and remarried.  Mamaw and Bob were so happy together and I remember sitting in their apartment listening to Cincinnati Reds games with “Papa Bob” during visits there.  During this time, she witnessed the death of her oldest daughter to cancer at the young age of 33.  Bob was so supportive through this difficult time. He was a great guy and they were so happy together until Bob’s teenage son and a few friends who were high on heroin broke into the house one night. They beat my grandmother with a baseball bat and shot Bob in the head multiple times.  Bob survived and recovered physically, but was never the same emotionally.  He became paranoid and violent. Mamaw stayed with him as long as she could but eventually Mamaw had to leave as she feared for her safety.

Mamaw spent many years living with her parents and taking care of them until they passed.  After their death, she came to live with my family in Columbia.  She and I shared the upstairs of my parents’ home, so I obviously spent a lot of time with her.  We were later able to get her a small one bedroom apartment where she lived for her last 10 years on this earth.

Despite the many struggles in her life, I would say that my Mamaw was one of the most positive and giving people I ever knew.  She volunteered by reading to local elementary children and served food to the homeless at local soup kitchens.  I particularly remember grade school care packages that were filled with baseball cards and baseball t-shirts (items she clearly couldn’t afford to buy and mail), but she knew how excited I would be to receive them). She had very little monetarily, yet she made a point of hosting a small Christmas celebration for our entire family at Christmas. She did her very best to make it as fancy and entertaining as possible and she was always excited as she gave the grandchildren some quite unique presents at Christmas. She had JOY, despite all of the trials she had faced.

I am convinced now more than ever that we are engaged in a spiritual war every day and for whatever reason we are afraid to admit it.  I have heard many sermons based on the statement “God has a plan for your life” (Jeremiah 29:11), but I rarely hear anyone mention that Satan has a plan for us as well.  I believe one of Satan’s main ways of attacking us is through worry, stress, and regret. I also believe that he attacks followers of Christ in an attempt to lessen our witness in hopes that he can keep nonbelievers from becoming believers. 

John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." The “thief” discussed here clearly is Satan.  I believe that one of the main ways that Satan attacks believers is by trying to steal our joy.  We get so wrapped up in troubles and stresses in our life that we miss seeing where God is at work.  We focus too much on the problems at hand and trying to fix them ourselves that we forget that our Savior wants us to give these burdens to Him.

When Jesus was explaining the parable of the sower in Mark 4:19 he said, “but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful”.  I don’t know about you, but I want to be fruitful.  I want to produce each of the fruits of the spirit, especially joy.  But a lot of the time, I let the “stuff” of everyday life steal that away from me.

Another area where Satan attacks us is our past.  I know that in my life there are times in my past where I know I failed both God and my family miserably. I have confessed my sin, asked for forgiveness, and know that God has forgiven me. Yet, I still find myself reflecting back on those times and experiencing feelings of guilt and regret for those actions.  God has forgiven me, but I can’t seem to shed the feeling of guilt associated with some of my sins of the past. 

I heard a great analogy recently at a PowerUp Lunch here in Lexington.  Mike Crapps of First Community Bank shared this quote from a sermon at his church that he said has really changed his outlook on life.  He talked about how Jesus was crucified on the cross for our sins and that he was hung between two thieves.   Then, he said, “Most Christians are being crucified on a cross between two thieves; Yesterday’s regrets and tomorrow’s worries."

Don’t let Satan steal your joy by keeping you focused on worry and regret! Remember that Jesus wants you to turn all of that “stuff” over to him so that you can have life to the full.

 

Love, Honor & Cherish

Marriage is important to God. It is serious business.

You and I were created for relationships, and the Bible is all about relationships - our vertical relationship with God, through Jesus, and our relationships with others.
St. Augustine made the statement, “our hearts are restless until we find our rest in God.” We were designed for a relationship with Him.
God created us to have relationship with others – people we could live and learn with. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 12:18-21,  “But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired.” In preparation for this lesson, I read this statement, "If God deeply desires to place us in relationship with the body of Christ (the church), doesn’t that mean He also desires to place us with the spouse of His choice?"
Do you see that shift? It's not about who we want to marry - or arrange for our children to marry - but who God desires to place us with.
Marriage then, for me, becomes a supernatural, God-valued, serious part of our lives.

But, why would God create marriage? Why is it important?
Marriage is the most intimate (closest) of human relationships. Of all your Earthly relationships - all of them - the closest, the most intimate, the most endeared is the one with your spouse. No relationship trumps the relationship with your spouse. If others - even children - have come between you and your spouse, your marriage is in trouble.

Why is the marriage relationship the most precious? In Romans 8:29, Paul writes, "For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His son (Christ-like)." We know from Jeremiah that God knew us before we were born, and God desires us to be conformed to the image of His son, Jesus. Marriage - being bound to someone for a lifetime - forces us to care for someone other than self, to consider someone other than self, to love someone more than self. What better than marriage sharpens us toward putting self aside and being more like Jesus? Remember the traditional vows: Love, Honor & Cherish (putting spouse ahead of self) Until Death Do Us Part?

Marriage is God's way of teaching us to be more Christ-like. Knowing this about marriage helps us understand why we should be praying every day for our spouse. Single folk should be praying for their future spouse. Parents should be praying for the future spouses of their children . . . and grandchildren. Who do you have chosen, Lord, and hear and direct my prayers for them?

The problem in our culture, friends, is that we don't take seriously the things of God. We have reduced church - the bride of Christ - to another organization through which to impress our friends. We claim to pray for others, but never do it. We've trivialized marriage. Many marriages are doomed to fail before they even begin.

In some faiths, marriage (Matrimony) is a Holy sacrament. Even in Baptist services, pastors and officiants will refer to Holy Matrimony. Matrimony is a union; wedlock means joined or locked together. Holy means "set apart." And, so marriage is a bound - locked - relationship that is set apart by God - set apart from all the other relationships in your life. Because it is a relationship set apart by God, God has His hands on it. It's a covenant with God - a solemn and binding relationship meant to last a lifetime. God is so serious about His covenants with us - including marriage - that He sees them as a Walk into Death. God sees these covenants as a walk all the way to death. In the Old Testament, when two people made a covenant with one another, a goat or lamb would be slain and its carcass would be cut in half. With the two halves lying on the ground, the two people forming the covenant would solemnize their promise by walking between the carcass halves. That's how serious God sees marriage.

I don't like television shows like The Bachelor because it takes a God-breathed covenant like marriage and dumbs it down to our culture. Marriage is not a whimsical affair. We focus more on rings, dresses, flowers, parties, showers, bachelor parties, registering and honeymoon trips than we focus on the Holiness of what we are entering - a lifetime commitment with another human toward the goal of sharpening one another into deeper followers of Jesus. I refuse to officiate a wedding that, in planning and delivery, replaces holiness with culturalism. That's not to say that you can't have all the fun - I love a good wedding reception - but the celebration should be the union of two people and their covenant with God. What would a wedding reception look like if families of the bride and groom circled them for prayer before the party began? Many people enter marriage with a focus on the ceremony and parties - not the lifetime commitment that follows when all the guests go home.

The covenant is for a lifetime - until death do us part - because God doesn't go away and neither should we. God expects the covenant to stay around, too. And, marriage doesn't get easier as you grow older nor does a 25- or 50-year Anniversary translate into an immunity from problems. Many empty-nesters find their marriages have "lost purpose" once the children are grown, and spouses begin to look for new territory. As we get older, we begin to think about "bucket lists" that we want to accomplish without our spouses along. Satan hates God, and God is at the center of marriage. No marriage - until death has claimed it - is secure from Satan's attacks.

What about divorce? Clearly, and without question, divorce is not a a part of the marriage equation. That's why so much due diligence is required before marriage. It's why parents must coach children toward dating / engagement that involves prayer, faith conversations, parental counseling and formal counseling. Young people must know that marriage is serious business and divorce is not an option. But . . . certainly divorce is a reality in our broken world. Divorce is inevitable because of our broken world. Even in the Old Testament, Moses permitted divorce provided the two parties wrote a letter requesting it. Even in Moses' day it was relatively easy to get a divorce, but Moses required the letter to ensure the parties had thought it through.

Jesus was asked about divorce in Matthew 19:5-6. He responded this way, "Haven’t you read Scripture? God made them male and female. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into ONE. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them for God has joined them together.”
Someone asked Jesus, “Well, what about Moses and that letter-writing business?”
Jesus said, “Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God originally wanted. And, I tell you this, a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery – unless his wife has been unfaithful.” (And, in our culture, that goes both ways)."

In fact, Paul, in 2 Corinthians, implies that if you aren't going to take marriage gravely seriously, it’s better to remain single.

So, what are the purposes of a marriage:

1. Cooperation – Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Comparable to him means similar and equal to him, compatible, to help and support one another in all things. It’s a partnership because two heads are better than one. Cooperation toward what? Making disciples of Jesus . . . not pooling money or working together for a better economic status.
2. Procreation – Procreation is about preserving humankind from extinction. But, understand this, Christianity does not make procreation or children the primary purpose of marriage – the primary purpose is cooperation. That’s why childless couples should not grieve God’s plan for them. Procreation – producing children from a sanctified home - is equivalent to generating missionaries into a hopeless world. God wants these children raised in faith so they can go marry someone who is a believer, and continue making disciples.
3. Sexual Intimacy - It's the sexual intimacy that protects the marriage against adultery and fornication (consensual intercourse between two non-married people). In 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, Paul writes that "the wife’s body does not belong to her and the man’s body does not belong to him. Each should fulfill their marital responsibilities; not depriving one another except by mutual consent." If you start monkeying around with sexual intimacy in your marriage – using it as a weapon, being influenced by sinful self-esteem about how your body looks, allowing yourself to get so busy that you are too tired – I promise that your marriage will begin to unravel. We are sexual beings made aware of it by man’s fall in the garden of Eden. When sexual intimacy disappears from marriage, most people will give in to a lack of self control and find the intimacy in other places - pornography if not adultery. The door becomes wide open for Satan to bombard the marriage. Christian Marriage elevates the bodily union to become a spiritual union, through the Holy Spirit, just as the Holy Spirit works in the Baptismal water to make humans a new creation.  The Holy Spirit also works in the couple during the marital ceremony, through prayers and faith to unite them in the Lord.  Through the commitments made by the bride and groom in fulfilling the commandments of marriage, and the work of the Holy Spirit, the two partners become one.
4. Reigning – Genesis 1:28, “God said them – man and woman, whom He created separately and purposefully – be fruitful and multiply, and fill the Earth and subdue it.” We must be good stewards and good managers of God’s creation, and I like to further than by saying, “We must be reminded to lead our families in making disciples of Jesus so that all who are on the Earth hear the gospel.”

In closing, I want to give you a few practical things to think about and discuss with your spouse concerning your day-to-day relationship.

1. Love your spouse as God loves us. Sacrificially. What can I put aside to make my spouse’s day better? What can I sacrifice? What speaks love into my spouse: Quality time, encouraging words, gifts, a hug or hand-holding, acts of service? My life? My body?
2. Honor your spouse. 1 Peter 3:7, paraphrased, honor your spouse – be considerate and treat them with respect. Not because they earn it but because through your covenant they deserve it. Being considerate means considering your spouse's feelings and responses before you act; respect them by holding them up as revered – not chiseling away at their reputation.
3. Cherish your spouse. Cherish means “To cultivate with care – to make the person feel special – the most special person to you.” Here's how we cherish our spouse:
1. Sacrifice.
2. Listening.
3. Touching.
4. Being With Them In Public.
5. Saying Kind Things About Them In Public.
6. Sharing Responsibilities.
7. Never Allowing Children or Parents or Siblings To Come Between Spouses.
8. Admiration.
9. Respect.
10. Seeing Every Day As Valentine’s Day.
11. Opening Doors Of Possibility – "Where You Go, I Go."
12. Taking Time To Be Alone With One Another.
13. And, Men, Providing Spiritual Leadership. Men: Have you abandoned spiritual leadership in your home?

Marriage is serious business. Marriage is serious to God because it sharpens us as followers of Jesus and it produces disciples. It is a contract with God. And, God takes His contracts seriously.

Love The Unlovable

As I prepared this week, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and to all of us:
“You know the attitudes and sinful actions that hold you back from completely following me. I want to do greater things with you, but I can’t until you make some changes that free you to follow me more closely.” 
I don’t know what those changes are for you, but I’m pretty sure that you know what they are.
I know what they are for me.
One place of change for all of us is in loving the unlovable, and working to be more lovable ourselves.

• Are there people in your life who get on your nerves? If you see them in the grocery store you intentionally dodge them? 
• Are there family members or loved ones who have hurt you deeply?
• Have you been cheated by business partners or neighbors? Swindled?
• Deep down, do you loathe people because of their attitudes, their socio-economic position, the color of their skin, the worship of their God?
• Do you get tired of hearing about how wonderful life is for your neighbor?
• Do you get frustrated when people you love keep making the same dumb mistakes over and over and over again?
• Is there a supervisor or co-worker who just has your number? Oppressive?
• Betrayed? Lied to? Belittled? Ridiculed? Humiliated? Physically or emotionally beaten?
• Maybe it’s just people who walk around like “Eeyore” – woe is me all the time? Maybe it’s people who never smile. Maybe it’s people who are so manic and bi-polar you never know who’s coming at you? Jekyll or Hyde? Unpredictable personalities can just suck the life out of you.
• What about those who whine, complain and live in the drama of “you love them more than you love me.”

It goes on and on. People are unlovable. We are all unlovable.

But, as followers of Jesus we have a problem.
Two of the non-negotiable truths of our faith are these: We must love everyone, and we must forgive everyone. Everyone. No exceptions. Love and forgive everyone. Why? Because Jesus loves and forgives us beyond our transgressions toward Him, and as followers we must reciprocate that toward everyone else.

Mark 12:31 reads, "Love your neighbor as yourself." The New American Standard says it this way, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The International Standard says, “You must love your neighbor.” All translations identify this as a “command” from Jesus, and there’s no wiggle room in a command. Read Luke 10:25-37, the parable of the Good Samaritan. When hearing "love your neighbor," people began looking for wiggle room. Someone asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?" In the Good Samaritan story, Jesus tells of the Jew who stopped to help his cultural enemy, the Samaritan. In this, Jesus said, "Everyone is your neighbor. Love everyone."

In Mark 5:43-48, we read, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." This is Jesus speaking.

In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul writes, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in  Christ forgave you.” That’s why we have to love and forgive one another. If we are going to follow Jesus, we must draw closer to Him and be more like Him.

Okay, I can forgive the person who pulls out in front of me in traffic. Or, the person who is having a bad day and vents on me. I can even forgive the Sunday School teacher who forgot to call me when I was sick. But, what about those in my life who screwed me over, scarred me emotionally and sent me into therapy? Yep, love and forgive . . . everyone. No exceptions.

This must have bothered Peter, because in Matthew 18:22 the famed disciple came to Jesus and asked,
“How often should I forgive someone?” Rabbis were teaching you only had to forgive someone three times. Peter suggested, to Jesus, that His followers do the right thing and increase the number of cheek-turning  times from three to seven. I can imagine Jesus laughing at the idiocy of this request when he exclaimed, "No! Seventy times seven." Jesus chose 490 times, showing that such a large number would equate for us to infinity. You are commanded to love and forgive . . . everyone. No exceptions.

Jesus goes on to tell the story of the unforgiving debtor, in Matthew 18:23-35. A king was approached by someone in his debt. The debtor begged for mercy and the king extended the mercy. Then, the debtor turned around and confronted someone who owed him. When the debtor's debtor begged for mercy, the debtor had his debtor arrested. The king found out about it. The angry kind then had his debtor sent to prison to be tortured until he had paid his debts.

Do you get it? God is the king. We approach God needing mercy for our debts, and He provided Jesus. He extended grace beyond our understanding and grace beyond our deserving. He loved the unlovable. So, then we turn to see the unlovable in our own lives. When we don't reciprocate God's love for us, we put ourselves in front of God's law. In my own life, I know what's it like to be tortured by the Holy Spirit - to be out of fellowship with God - until my attitudes toward my debtors changed.

Remember the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). "And forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. (v. 12). We chant The Lord's Prayer so much that we gloss over it, don't we?

When I talk about love and forgiveness toward everyone, I always have people who want to argue in order to justify hating someone. "Well, what if so and so isn't a believer? Doesn't all this apply only to believers? What if the person isn't sorry or repentant?" Jesus says "everyone." And, I choose to err on the safe side: I just love and forgive and move on. The alternative is to fester on negative attitudes that allow Satan to whisper in my ear.

Above, you read that Jesus says, "pray for those who persecute you." So, in loving and forgiving, we need to pray for the unlovable. But, there's more. At the Last Supper, Jesus is surrounded by men who said they loved Him deeply, but treated Him poorly. Thomas would doubt His resurrection; James and John had fought over who He loved more; Peter aggravated Him and would deny Him; and Judas would betray Him. And, the others, you bet they aggravated Him, too, never quite understanding who He was or what He was, and stumbling all over themselves.

And, yet, look at what Jesus did. They gather for the Last Supper – Jesus and this rag tag bunch – and in John 13:4 we read, “So Jesus got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash his disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel he had around him.” Jesus loved the unlovable by serving them.

Love the unlovable? As followers of Jesus, we have no choice. We must love them and forgive them, completely. And, we must pray for them, and we must serve them. Why? Because we follow a risen Savior who has done and does the same for us. Followers of Jesus have no choice.

But, I have to add something, here, too. Each of us is a problem-child for someone else. Each of us, even if we don’t really know it, is one of the unlovable to someone else. It might not be anything you have done; might just be an attitude. It might just be unfriendliness or even the perception of unfriendliness. It might be aggravation. Perhaps you slip into melancholy and can't help but advertising to the world.

It’s tough to wander through this life and not be someone’s unlovable. I believe every single one of us is someone's unlovable, and perhaps we are unlovable to more than one. I know that there are some who don't love me because my actions and attitudes are unlovable. I know there are some who don't like me either.

And, so, in closing, I want to offer some things that I try to practice (with varying degrees of success) toward being more lovable. You can look at Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5:3-10 for some of these: Practice humility, be merciful, be a champion for peace, do the right thing, and love and serve people. Here are some others from my own playbook:

• Point conversations to other people and their lives. What is your story? How is your family?
• Avoid complaining to those with whom you don't have relational credibility. Certainly, friends should go to friends with all kinds of concerns and problems, but chronic complaining to casual acquaintances and strangers does no one any good.
• Be genuine. Be the same at home as you are in public. If you can't do that, what should you be changing at home? Read Galatians 5 - the fruits of the spirit - what are yours? Be that person.
• Don't be the person who has ideas for others to implement. No one likes to be around the person who says, "I have an idea for you to do." Don't start something you can't finish.
• Be quietly kind. Ask yourself, "Do I love these people as Jesus loves me?"
• Practice hospitality. It doesn't matter where you live or even how clean it is. Opening your home to others is a genuine sign of loving people.

And, just remember, all of this love and service is toward one goal: Building relationship through which we can ultimately talk about our love for Jesus.

The Change Up

God gave me a lesson to teach this week, but then He hijacked that lesson and replaced it with another.

Reading this week from the book of Romans - written by Paul - I came across the familiar verse of Romans 12:2-3: "Don't copy the behavior and customs of the world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then, you will know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." I understand the larger context of that verse, but it spoke to me differently this time: "Change the way you think, Scott, change up the way you are living. Let God use that to transform you."

I came away from Christmas this year somewhat sick at my stomach.

Every year, we go to bed late on Christmas Eve and get up early on Christmas morning. Then, we rush through our family time so that we can pack up and get on the road to Atlanta. We must be at my parents’ house by 4:30 or 5 because at 5:30 we sit down to a meal of prime rib, Aunt Lou’s rice, green beans cooked in fat back, some kind of strawberry salad, Sister Shubert’s frozen dinner rolls, and chocolate layer cake for dessert. Then, we descend into the great room – all 21 of us – for a marathon of opening gifts most of which everyone knows will be exchanged so receipts are included inside the gift. Then, we watch a little television and go to bed. The next day, Christmas is over, and we all begin to drift back to our homes, and my parents are generally glad to see us leave, taking the chaos of the Christmas celebration with us. Each year, it is a mind-numbing exercise in routine. Over and over, year after year, it is the same scene in the same drama of our lives. And, because it’s monotonous, going-through-motions, the same old same old, we begin to get lethargic with Christmas and with family. Our celebration, unintentionally, becomes stagnant. Christmas becomes more about the “doing just to get it over with” rather than “celebrating family through Christmas.” It's time for a change up.

And, stagnation in one area of our life begins to infect every corner of our lives. Our days, our months, our years all begin to look like one another. Did you celebrate Valentine’s Day the same old way as last year? Flowers, card, candy, dinner out, sex? Maybe all the pieces were there, but how different would it be say if you had sex first? Then, you ate the candy together in bed. At least it would be different. What? Not without alcohol? Well, maybe a little champagne breakfast is just what you and yours need on a Valentine’s Day. And, this year, on a Thursday! Now, that's changing it up!

Stagnation and lethargy are suffocating the human experience. Vicki and I were in Washington DC this past weekend. I was the speaker at a church communication clinic,and we decided to turn the trip into a Valentine's getaway. On Friday, she wanted to visit the national Holocaust Museum. I had been there before, and so I let Vicki tour at her own pace. I went to the various “reflection” areas just to think and pray and listen to the testimonies of the Holocaust survivors. A message kept coming through to me, “count every single day as precious – count every single day as an opportunity to really live it. Don’t let your life become complacent. Don’t let your life become lethargic and stagnant.”

Change things up. Keep your life fresh. Value your relationships.

• Every day with your spouse should be like your first date with your spouse. 
• Every day with your children should be like the first day you held them.
• Every day with your Savior should be like the day you first confessed Jesus as your Savior.

The problem is that life calls us to conformity. It's easy (lazy, I say) to just get into routines and schedules and habits, walking like zombies through life and leaving a wake of complacency, lethargy and stagnation. We do the same things the same way - year after year after year - and then we moan from our death beds, "Where did my life go?" I will tell  you this, more and more I am an advocate of "change for the sake of change." Let's just do things differently. And, see if we can't experience a revival of God in our lives because of it.

Perhaps the most sad thing of all is when we let our faith – our precious faith – slip into stagnation. It is so easy for our faith lives and our practice of faith to be no different in 2013 than it was in 2012, 2011, 2010, and 2009. And, I laugh when I hear people say, “I will be a better believer when my children are grown because I will have more time for church and faith.” Great for you - not so good for your children. And, the most unchurched group of people in America? Empty-nesters, who no longer feel the pressure to have their children at church. Stagnation today will be even greater tomorrow. It's a cancer.

You and I need a new enthusiasm.
We need a new enthusiasm over our faith. We need a new enthusiasm over time with Scripture, prayer, the gathering of believers, and the service toward others.
We need a new enthusiasm over our spouses.
We need a new enthusiasm over our children, parents and siblings.
We need a new enthusiasm over the family calendar.
We need a new enthusiasm over our friends, and the finding of new friends in faith.
We need a new enthusiasm over evangelism and telling others about Jesus.
We need a new enthusiasm over this precious life we have been given.

I pray every day that you and I can be part of a revival in Lexington, SC. Not that we necessarily lead it, but that we just have opportunity to be a part  of it. I want to see men and women, husbands and wives, say, I’m going to love Jesus deeply and my life – my priorities, my calendar and even my bank account – will show it. I'm going to change things up.

I’m going to open the Bible every day. I’m going to pray every day – even if I just close my eyes and sit quietly. I’m going to stun my wife by sitting beside her on the sofa and holding her hand – not toward the goal of seeing her naked, but just because I love her. I’m going to go on walks with my children – individually – so I can hear their voices, and I’m not going to be a dream-killer when they share the dreams of their hearts. For no reason whatsoever, I am going to call my parents and siblings and just say, "I love you and I appreciate you."

I decided in December that I would change things up by adding weekly exercise to my calendar. My med-school son pushed me further. "You can't work out 2-3 days a week, dad, and then go eat Rush's chili cheeseburgers. Count your calories, watch  your salt and what your fat. But, mostly, dad, do something every day - walk 20 minutes every day. Do something to get your heart rate going."

I've gotten to where I look forward to the daily walk of 60 minutes or more. I use the time to pray or to listen to Scripture on my iPod, or just listen to a good book - usually fiction or a biography - on tape. I feel better because of the walk. I've met some good people who have encouraged me and whom I have encouraged. I sleep better because of the exercise, and because I sleep better my days are more rested and focused. I'm getting more work done in less time. I'm more patient and sympathetic because I'm more rested and feel better. One hour of walking every day has changed a lot of different places of my life. That one hour has shaken me out of a lethargy that beset me in the final quarter of 2012.

Change something. Let God shake open your life like shaking out a bed sheet on a nice Spring morning. What can God do with me and you if we just change some things to live today differently from this day last year and from yesterday? Revival begins with me and you. We need to change things up.

The Love Dilemma - Friendship

I love Sunday School. I always have.

As a boy, even when I sat under the teaching of boring old teachers, I still could not wait to get to Sunday School. It was about seeing the other guys, and it was about seeing if someone new would show up. I did not know it then, as I know it now, but there’s so much fun in seeing who God will send on any given Sunday.

I have been to a church property almost every Sunday morning of my life, and have rarely missed an opportunity to be in Sunday School. On vacation, I go to a church and visit Sunday School. Even today as my work – my ministry – takes me to churches all over North America, I will find a Sunday School class and visit.

I know the name sounds stupid – Sunday School. It has implications of small children sitting in a circle. It’s embarrassing to say to adult friends, “Will you go with me to Sunday School?” conjuring up images of Kool-Aid, crayons and round butter cookies. But, I’m not ashamed of it. Sunday School is so much a part of my spiritual DNA that I would crawl to church with a fever rather than miss it. 

What is it that I love? I love seeing people. I still love seeing – every Sunday – who God will send. I love the community – that arm-in-arm laughter together, service together, and work together. Sunday School brings together what I love about faith, the fellowship of believers, and the service to others. Everything is bundled up in one great package.

I realize that everyone does not love Sunday School like I do. For some it’s a place to wait while children are in other ministry areas. That’s okay. Everyone can have their own reason for being in Sunday School. God sent you, and that’s all that matters. But, you get out of it – in encouragement, correction, care, and friendship – what you put into it. To have a friend, you have to first be a friend.

And, I guess that’s it for me. Sunday School is where my true friends live with me. I have lived enough life in a lot of different places and with a lot of different people to know how fickle and shallow people can be. Many are great friends while your lives intersect around this or that, but when life’s cards reshuffle, they are gone. Friends in faith – friends in faith stay with you. Many of my friends on Facebook are ancient friends – and the thread that binds us is the thread of faith. It’s like God laced our lives together – many through Sunday School classes – and I love that about my life. And, I love that God is still lacing my life with others – true friendships – friendships through faith that are cultivated through Sunday School.

And, I love my friends.

I do. Man or woman. When God plows my life together with another person, it’s distinctive. Vicki will always be my best friend. No other person will challenge her for that role. You will never hear me say another human being is my best friend, but her. But, I am aware that God has laced my life with friends in faith, and those relationships are defined clearly by certain characteristics. I encourage  you to examine your friendships against these five definitions. See how your friendships, see how your allegiances stack up. Do you have the lifelong friends of faith?

• Faith defines them. 2 Corinthians 6:14 is clear. Don’t be mismatched with unbelievers. Don’t marry them. Don’t be in business with them. Don’t weave your life tightly with them. Friends will know one another’s faith story, and it’s impossible to share a faith story with saying the word, “Jesus.” In no way I am suggesting you can’t be friendly with an unbeliever – you can and you should build relationship toward introducing that person to Jesus. You must have unbelievers in your life to be a follower of Jesus, and you must love those unbelievers toward a goal of seeing them saved. But, those with whom you weave your live together in tight relationship – Scripture says they should also be believers, and you and I should confess to them and hear them confess as well. Can’t do it? Examine your heart and your relationship with Jesus. Friends are a gift from God, but to understand that – Jesus must be confessed in the center of it. My friends have heard me talk about Jesus.
• Love defines them. 1 Samuel 18:1. “After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between then, for Jonathan loved David.” Jonathan loved David and David loved Jonathan in the way that Jesus loved Lazarus and wept for him. I’ve stood over the gravesite of childhood friends, and wept over memories not because I was sad, but because I loved them. When my life becomes woven with someone, they know the depths of me and I know the depths of them. It’s impossible to be in that deep of a relationship and not love each other deeply, and for me – expressively. My friends know that I love them. I tell them. I find the courage to tell them.
• Truth defines them. In Matthew 26:34, Jesus tells Peter, whom he loved, “Truly I say to you, Peter, this night, before the rooster crows three times, you will betray me.” In Matthew 16:23, Jesus, angry at Peter, says, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me.” Friends tell friends the truth – and sometimes it’s going to pinch. You don’t really have friends if you can’t tell them the truth, and they can’t tell you the truth. And, you need to fall to your knees and thank God for the friend who can see your life unfolding foolishly through careless mistakes and say, “Stop right now. You need to stop. You have to change. It’s for your own good.” I love my friends so deeply that I am willing to hurt their feelings for their own good.
• Laughter and Grief define them. In Luke 10:21, Jesus sends out his disciples and they return talking about the great things the Spirit has done through them, and Luke writes, “At that same time, Jesus was filled with joy of the Holy Spirit and began to pray. He said to the disciples, his friends in faith, “you have seen what kings only wish they could see.” I have to believe that Jesus was laughing, even as he prayed. Likewise, we do know that in John 11:35 that “Jesus wept” at the news that his friend, Lazarus had died. Friendship will be defined by sharing the width and depth of both joy and grief together. When you laugh, I laugh with you; when you grieve, I grieve with you. My life is your life. My friends know I am walking in this life with them - good and bad.
• Failure and Redemption defines them. In Mark 14, we know that the rooster did crow, indeed, and we know that Peter did deny Jesus. Wound so closely together, friends do fail one another. We get selfish and we overlook another’s needs. We get jealous of one another. We want to say, “I was there for you, but you were not there for me.” We slip up and say, “Your children drive me crazy.” But, friends in faith know that there is restoration. Peter was Jesus' friend, and Peter was forgiven and restored by Jesus, in John 21. Jesus asks Peter, three times, if he loved Him. Peter responds yes all three times, and Jesus says, “Go and feed my sheep.” I am quick to forgive my friends when they injure me.

I have lived in five different communities – moving to places and not knowing a single soul. I've served on a hospital board of directors. I have been involved in philanthropy, serving on local boards of the cancer society and the heart association. I have been involved in Rotary clubs, and Kiwanis clubs, and the Jaycees. I have been in booster clubs. I have been a leader in recreation sports organizations. I have stood in pouring rain collecting money for the Empty Stocking Funds, cooked hamburgers for booster clubs, and walked 10 miles for the March of Dimes. I have had friends at work, and friends in my neighborhood. As a loyal customer, even today I’m friends with most of the managers at the stores I visit. My doctor is even my close friend.

But, I have no friends like those in faith - those in  Sunday School. If I died today, I would want my faith friends to carry my casket, I would trust my faith friends to minister to Vicki and the boys, and I would want my faith friends to pray at my graveside. There are no holier friends than those with whom we share Jesus and Christian fellowship. And, for me, it begins and ends with Sunday School.

Expecting God To Reveal Himself

Ask God to forgive your sin (selfishness) against Him, clearing out the decay that comes between your daily walk with God through faith in Jesus.

Expect God to reveal Himself to you - in big and small ways, through things you see, words you hear, and people who cross your life. Sometimes God will reveal Himself through your ministry to others; sometimes God will reveal Himself in the way you are encouraged. Sometimes you will need to look in the rear view mirror of your day and see how God revealed Himself.

In Exodus 7:1-13, God comes to Moses, who is living in the desert. He instructs Moses to go to Pharaoh, whom God has made stubborn. Pharaoh loves having more than 600,000 slaves to build his empire, and he is not about to free them. Freeing them would all but destroy the Egyptian economy. God tells Moses to go see Pharaoh and a supreme leader of the world to release the Jews from captivity. God tells Moses that Pharaoh will refuse to listen to Moses, opening the door for God to "multiply my miraculous signs and wonders in the land of Egypt. I will crush Egypt with a series of disasters after which I will lead the fores of Israel out of Egypt."

God told Moses: (a) Go to Egypt; (b) Do what I tell you to do; (c) Know that I will do exactly what I say I will do; (d) No human force can stop me; and (e) Expect it to happen.

Moses reaction (Exodus 3:11) was to doubt Himself and, in reality, doubt God. Moses was 80 years old. He was returning to Egypt, where he had committed murder. Moses sinned because he doubted God. Throughout chapter 4, Moses wrestled with God, offering excuses which God dissolved. In the end, Moses surrendered "self" to God plans, and God allowed Aaron to travel with Moses.

Imagine these two men standing in front of almighty Pharaoh. In a test-drive, God had revealed his miracles to them, but this was showtime. Exodus 7:10:  “So Moses and Aaron went to see Pharaoh, and they performed miracles just as the Lord had told them. Aaron threw down his staff before Pharaoh and the court, and it became a snake. Then Pharaoh called in his wise men and magicians, and they did the same thing with their secret arts. Their staffs became snakes, too! But, then Aaron’s snake swallowed up their snakes.”

There are no forces more powerful than Almighty God. He speaks to common people just like me and you, calls us to work that only He can do, puts events in our lives that only He can calendar, and crosses our lives with people that only He can send. We must recognize that God can do things we can't understand and we must expect it, and be ready to act.

In Jeremiah 29:13, the people of Judah are in Babylonian captivity, and God says to them, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” That chills me to the core. You and I are captives to this sinful world – God says we will find peace, joy, love, hope, patience, courage and wisdom when we seek Him with all you heart – when we completely turn from the worship of the world – we will find a sweet spot with Him. He says, "I will show up." But, we must turn from the worship of the world and then seek God.

I've started to pray with an expectation that God will reveal Himself.

It begins with shaking loose the sour spots of my life, confessing that my actions and attitudes (even when some are rationalized as good), are sins against God. And, once I've made that confession, I have an expectation that God will reveal Himself to me. Most of the time, these revelations can just be a reminder of God's goodness in my life through a memory, or an encouraging word, or someone He sends my way. Most of these revelations aren't "big events," but small expressions of His love that my otherwise busyness would cause me to miss completely.

God is all around us. 

God is living in us.

God never sleeps.

If we can't daily see God at work, what does that say about us?

I believe God wants to reveal Himself every day and all the time. I believe He wants to encourage us, and remind us of His greatness. I believe He is calling us to be on mission with Him.

Last week, I went "home" to Georgia. I had not been since May. I love to stand in my mama's front yard, in the fall, with the wind rushing through those hardwoods and leaves falling all around. It's one of my favorite things to do and I wanted to experience it. My dad is having back surgery after Thanksgiving, and my visit also allowed me to go to his pre-op appointments with him.

As I drove to Atlanta, I prayed. I confessed my sins against the Lord, and then I prayed, “Lord, this is going to be such a busy trip; I pray that you teach me through others, that you allow me to minister as necessary, and that you reveal yourself to all of us.”

On Friday morning, my dad and I got up at 5:30 a.m. to make an 8 a.m. doctor’s appoint – 15 miles from their home. On the way to the doctor's office, traveling in the dark, drinking coffee, my dad began to pour out how proud he is of me. This is the serious side of my dad. He is a lover, and he loves to encourage the ones that he loves, especially when he has them one-on-one. I just listened as God spoke through Him, encouraging me to continue loving Vicki and the boys.

God showed up.

During the pre-op visit at the doctor's office, the nurse remarked that dad's blood pressure was a little high. As we got to the hospital for the pre-op testing, his blood pressure had gone higher still. As we sat in a small room, I asked him, “Daddy, are you nervous about this surgery?” He said, “Not nervous, but I do wish I didn’t need to have it.” Then, he really began to tell me just how the pain is – in his back, legs and feet. It is the byproduct of scar tissue from back surgery 50 years ago.

Soon, a nurse case worker came in – Elizabeth. Around her neck, she wore a cross. I know many people wear crosses for secular reasons, but there was something special about this nurse. There was a sincerity to her voice, a calming in her nature, and a wonderful "bedside" manner. As she talked to my dad, his desire to entertain the nurses with funny stories began to subside. He grew calmer. Elizabeth began fingering the cross on her neck. I believe she sensed my dad's nervousness about the surgery. As we talked, and as she worked the cross, I had this feeling that she was working to communicate with us without having to say the words.

Finally, she turned the conversation to Christmas. And, she stepped into unknown waters, telling us how she respected all religions, but that she much preferred "Merry Christmas" over "Happy Holidays." And, we agreed. And, that opened the door for her to say, "You know, Mr. Vaughan, you don’t have to worry about this surgery, right?” God was so powerfully there at that moment. She said, “You can be nervous, but don’t worry. Faith will see that everything works out the way it should.” It was probably risky for her to do that, but it was so wonderfully orchestrated by Almighty God.

God showed up. God revealed Himself to me. 

Moses was nervous, scared, inadequate and felling very out of control. God provided Aaron, and as Moses responded to God over self, God provided the strength and courage for Moses to move forward on mission.

God showed up.

This Thanksgiving week, and on into the Christmas holidays, you and I will be around a lot of people – family and friends, and strangers in Wal-Mart. Let me encourage you to turn from whatever selfishness is between you and God, and then pray that God will reveal Himself to you – in conversations, chance encounters, and quiet time with family. It may be that you are needed to minister to someone; it may be that God will encourage you through others. But, don’t miss the opportunity each day to see and hear from Almighty God, who loves each of us so much. 

God is all around us. Expect to see Him at work.

Oh, yeah, Jesus

As we enter this season of Thanksgiving, it’s time for the Vaughans to begin the annual Thanksgiving poster. 

When the boys were little, Vicki began the annual poster as a way for each person to express their thankfulness for all to see. And, of course, the poster always included the serious – friends and family – but it also included the silly and goofy as the boys tried to make us all laugh.

At some point during our posting, one of us would come around to say, "Oh, yeah, Jesus." We had completely over-focused on all the Earthly things for which we were thankful and completely forgotten to be thankful for Jesus. "Oh, yeah, Jesus. I suppose we should put Him on our poster somewhere."

You are probably no different. We get so wrapped up in counting our Earthly blessings that we fail to think about the fountain from which all of those blessings flow. We get so distracted on the Earthly that we are blinded to the Eternal.

As I watched Halloween come and go this past week, Facebook friends began their annual day-by-day lists of Thankfulness. A few led with Jesus, but many led – just like my family's annual Thanksgiving poster – with the human and the Earthly. I watched good-hearted, wonderful believers lead out with thankfulness for the family dog, Moe's restaurant, favorite football teams, jobs, our country, and Chick-fil-A lemonade. And, so I  used my Facebook page as a reminder that all of our blessings - including family and friends - flows from the No. 1 that is Jesus. And, only Jesus. Some did not take my reminder well, reminding me that their priorities were their priorities, or that Facebook wasn't the place to be so serious, or that they didn't want to offend others with a lot of spiritual conversation. Hmmm. That all sounds like my excuses when I shamefully have that "Oh, yeah, Jesus" moment in front of our Thanksgiving poster.

As we consider, or list, or post our thankfulness at this time of year, let me make a case for Jesus being our No. 1. And, I will use two hymns from The Baptist Hymnal to do it.

In the hymn "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing," the lyricist Robert Robinson reminds us that “Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandring from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood.” And, he writes, “Come thy fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace. Streams of mercy never ceasing, Call for songs of loudest praise.” As part of our fellowship with God, Jesus - as the source of all Earthly and Eternal blessings - sought us out. Jesus is the fountain of all our blessings and deserves our loudest praise.

Revelation 22:1-2 reads, “And, the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb, coursing down the center of the main street.” John’s vision reminds us that the water of eternal life pours out the richness of life with God through Jesus. I can almost imagine this fountain in heaven, pouring out blessings on those who love Jesus, and those blessings pouring into our lives here on Earth. The blessing of our salvation is really the only blessing that we need; the only source for our thankfulness.

In the hymn, "Praise God, from Whom All Blessings Flow," we read these simple words: “Praise God, from whom all blessings flow; Praise Him all creatures here below; Praise Him above ye Heavenly host; Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.”

James 1:17 reads, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father." Every good and perfect gift is from above. Every one. And, those gifts flow down from God because of our faith in Jesus.

On Tuesday, April 28, 1998, I was under a lot of stress at work and at home. I was managing a lot of responsibility at work, and then coming home to four little boys under 10. Vicki and I were like zombies passing in the hallway of our home. And, so on this Tuesday in 1998, I took an entire day to get alone with God. I went to the Baptist retreat center near Winnsboro, and went down to the lake there. I sat for hours, praying and reading Scripture, and everything came back to simply praising God and being thankful for my blessings. God even allowed me to take a nap on a bed of leaves and pine needles. At the close of the day, I made a list in the back of my Bible of all my blessings, and especially all of those times in my life when I knew that God was taking care of me.

In preparation for this lesson, I turned to the back page of my Bible and here's what I had written in the No. 1 position: “I felt your presence when I prayed to accept you in my life – when I made my pubic profession of the surrender of my life to you. I am thankful for that.”

At that worshipful moment in 1998, as I made a list of my thankfulness, Jesus was not part of an "Oh, yeah, Jesus" moment. No, I had recognized that all the blessings in my life flow from my faith in Jesus - the one who sought me and bought me with His redeeming blood. In that 1998 list, the remaining 18 things include my Vicki, when the boys were born, my parents, my siblings, when my sister survived serous surgery, when my brother returned safely from the Gulf War, when God used unemployment to teach me compassion, and on and on and on. But, all those blessings flowed from the No. 1 and the only One – that Jesus died on the cross for me, and He convicted me to lay down my life and follow Him.

In Robinson's hymn of the fountain of blessings, he reminds us, too, that we are constantly being pulled away from the cross to that place of "Oh, yeah, Jesus" when he writes, “Let thy grace, Lord, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee.” But, then there’s the chorus, where he writes, “I am bound for the kingdom, Will you go to glory with me? Hallelujah, praise the Lord.” So, even though we slip and stumble, and often forget about Jesus, the "Oh, yeah, Jesus" moment does call us back to praise Him and honor Him in the No. 1 position of thankfulness. We can celebrate and be thankful for the tether to Almighty God, calling us back to Him. We can give thanks that the Holy Spirit provides those "Oh, yeah, Jesus" moments.

This Thanksgiving, I am going to pledge three things, personally:

1. On the Thanksgiving poster, we will acknowledge Jesus as the center of our thankfulness, placing His name first on the paper. And, I will lead my family in that recognition. From there, the serious and the silliness can unfold. Yes, there is a place for the silliness because I believe Jesus loves to see us laugh with one another, especially within our families.
2. When I have the opportunity, I will remind others – as with this lesson – that all our blessings – all of our thankfulness – pours from the fountain of the cross and the resurrection. As we look into the loving faces of family, we must be reminded that the blessings of those loved ones come to us from a loving God, whom we know because of Jesus.
3. I will be attentive during these three weeks of Thanksgiving to the hurt and the pain of others, and I will look for ways to build relationships through which I might – with the courage of the cross – state and ask, “I am bound for the Kingdom, will you go to glory with me?” Lord, please use me as you will to help another person begin his or her journey of thankfulness with you.