Love The Unlovable

As I prepared this week, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and to all of us:
“You know the attitudes and sinful actions that hold you back from completely following me. I want to do greater things with you, but I can’t until you make some changes that free you to follow me more closely.” 
I don’t know what those changes are for you, but I’m pretty sure that you know what they are.
I know what they are for me.
One place of change for all of us is in loving the unlovable, and working to be more lovable ourselves.

• Are there people in your life who get on your nerves? If you see them in the grocery store you intentionally dodge them? 
• Are there family members or loved ones who have hurt you deeply?
• Have you been cheated by business partners or neighbors? Swindled?
• Deep down, do you loathe people because of their attitudes, their socio-economic position, the color of their skin, the worship of their God?
• Do you get tired of hearing about how wonderful life is for your neighbor?
• Do you get frustrated when people you love keep making the same dumb mistakes over and over and over again?
• Is there a supervisor or co-worker who just has your number? Oppressive?
• Betrayed? Lied to? Belittled? Ridiculed? Humiliated? Physically or emotionally beaten?
• Maybe it’s just people who walk around like “Eeyore” – woe is me all the time? Maybe it’s people who never smile. Maybe it’s people who are so manic and bi-polar you never know who’s coming at you? Jekyll or Hyde? Unpredictable personalities can just suck the life out of you.
• What about those who whine, complain and live in the drama of “you love them more than you love me.”

It goes on and on. People are unlovable. We are all unlovable.

But, as followers of Jesus we have a problem.
Two of the non-negotiable truths of our faith are these: We must love everyone, and we must forgive everyone. Everyone. No exceptions. Love and forgive everyone. Why? Because Jesus loves and forgives us beyond our transgressions toward Him, and as followers we must reciprocate that toward everyone else.

Mark 12:31 reads, "Love your neighbor as yourself." The New American Standard says it this way, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The International Standard says, “You must love your neighbor.” All translations identify this as a “command” from Jesus, and there’s no wiggle room in a command. Read Luke 10:25-37, the parable of the Good Samaritan. When hearing "love your neighbor," people began looking for wiggle room. Someone asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?" In the Good Samaritan story, Jesus tells of the Jew who stopped to help his cultural enemy, the Samaritan. In this, Jesus said, "Everyone is your neighbor. Love everyone."

In Mark 5:43-48, we read, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." This is Jesus speaking.

In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul writes, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in  Christ forgave you.” That’s why we have to love and forgive one another. If we are going to follow Jesus, we must draw closer to Him and be more like Him.

Okay, I can forgive the person who pulls out in front of me in traffic. Or, the person who is having a bad day and vents on me. I can even forgive the Sunday School teacher who forgot to call me when I was sick. But, what about those in my life who screwed me over, scarred me emotionally and sent me into therapy? Yep, love and forgive . . . everyone. No exceptions.

This must have bothered Peter, because in Matthew 18:22 the famed disciple came to Jesus and asked,
“How often should I forgive someone?” Rabbis were teaching you only had to forgive someone three times. Peter suggested, to Jesus, that His followers do the right thing and increase the number of cheek-turning  times from three to seven. I can imagine Jesus laughing at the idiocy of this request when he exclaimed, "No! Seventy times seven." Jesus chose 490 times, showing that such a large number would equate for us to infinity. You are commanded to love and forgive . . . everyone. No exceptions.

Jesus goes on to tell the story of the unforgiving debtor, in Matthew 18:23-35. A king was approached by someone in his debt. The debtor begged for mercy and the king extended the mercy. Then, the debtor turned around and confronted someone who owed him. When the debtor's debtor begged for mercy, the debtor had his debtor arrested. The king found out about it. The angry kind then had his debtor sent to prison to be tortured until he had paid his debts.

Do you get it? God is the king. We approach God needing mercy for our debts, and He provided Jesus. He extended grace beyond our understanding and grace beyond our deserving. He loved the unlovable. So, then we turn to see the unlovable in our own lives. When we don't reciprocate God's love for us, we put ourselves in front of God's law. In my own life, I know what's it like to be tortured by the Holy Spirit - to be out of fellowship with God - until my attitudes toward my debtors changed.

Remember the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). "And forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. (v. 12). We chant The Lord's Prayer so much that we gloss over it, don't we?

When I talk about love and forgiveness toward everyone, I always have people who want to argue in order to justify hating someone. "Well, what if so and so isn't a believer? Doesn't all this apply only to believers? What if the person isn't sorry or repentant?" Jesus says "everyone." And, I choose to err on the safe side: I just love and forgive and move on. The alternative is to fester on negative attitudes that allow Satan to whisper in my ear.

Above, you read that Jesus says, "pray for those who persecute you." So, in loving and forgiving, we need to pray for the unlovable. But, there's more. At the Last Supper, Jesus is surrounded by men who said they loved Him deeply, but treated Him poorly. Thomas would doubt His resurrection; James and John had fought over who He loved more; Peter aggravated Him and would deny Him; and Judas would betray Him. And, the others, you bet they aggravated Him, too, never quite understanding who He was or what He was, and stumbling all over themselves.

And, yet, look at what Jesus did. They gather for the Last Supper – Jesus and this rag tag bunch – and in John 13:4 we read, “So Jesus got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash his disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel he had around him.” Jesus loved the unlovable by serving them.

Love the unlovable? As followers of Jesus, we have no choice. We must love them and forgive them, completely. And, we must pray for them, and we must serve them. Why? Because we follow a risen Savior who has done and does the same for us. Followers of Jesus have no choice.

But, I have to add something, here, too. Each of us is a problem-child for someone else. Each of us, even if we don’t really know it, is one of the unlovable to someone else. It might not be anything you have done; might just be an attitude. It might just be unfriendliness or even the perception of unfriendliness. It might be aggravation. Perhaps you slip into melancholy and can't help but advertising to the world.

It’s tough to wander through this life and not be someone’s unlovable. I believe every single one of us is someone's unlovable, and perhaps we are unlovable to more than one. I know that there are some who don't love me because my actions and attitudes are unlovable. I know there are some who don't like me either.

And, so, in closing, I want to offer some things that I try to practice (with varying degrees of success) toward being more lovable. You can look at Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5:3-10 for some of these: Practice humility, be merciful, be a champion for peace, do the right thing, and love and serve people. Here are some others from my own playbook:

• Point conversations to other people and their lives. What is your story? How is your family?
• Avoid complaining to those with whom you don't have relational credibility. Certainly, friends should go to friends with all kinds of concerns and problems, but chronic complaining to casual acquaintances and strangers does no one any good.
• Be genuine. Be the same at home as you are in public. If you can't do that, what should you be changing at home? Read Galatians 5 - the fruits of the spirit - what are yours? Be that person.
• Don't be the person who has ideas for others to implement. No one likes to be around the person who says, "I have an idea for you to do." Don't start something you can't finish.
• Be quietly kind. Ask yourself, "Do I love these people as Jesus loves me?"
• Practice hospitality. It doesn't matter where you live or even how clean it is. Opening your home to others is a genuine sign of loving people.

And, just remember, all of this love and service is toward one goal: Building relationship through which we can ultimately talk about our love for Jesus.

The Change Up

God gave me a lesson to teach this week, but then He hijacked that lesson and replaced it with another.

Reading this week from the book of Romans - written by Paul - I came across the familiar verse of Romans 12:2-3: "Don't copy the behavior and customs of the world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then, you will know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." I understand the larger context of that verse, but it spoke to me differently this time: "Change the way you think, Scott, change up the way you are living. Let God use that to transform you."

I came away from Christmas this year somewhat sick at my stomach.

Every year, we go to bed late on Christmas Eve and get up early on Christmas morning. Then, we rush through our family time so that we can pack up and get on the road to Atlanta. We must be at my parents’ house by 4:30 or 5 because at 5:30 we sit down to a meal of prime rib, Aunt Lou’s rice, green beans cooked in fat back, some kind of strawberry salad, Sister Shubert’s frozen dinner rolls, and chocolate layer cake for dessert. Then, we descend into the great room – all 21 of us – for a marathon of opening gifts most of which everyone knows will be exchanged so receipts are included inside the gift. Then, we watch a little television and go to bed. The next day, Christmas is over, and we all begin to drift back to our homes, and my parents are generally glad to see us leave, taking the chaos of the Christmas celebration with us. Each year, it is a mind-numbing exercise in routine. Over and over, year after year, it is the same scene in the same drama of our lives. And, because it’s monotonous, going-through-motions, the same old same old, we begin to get lethargic with Christmas and with family. Our celebration, unintentionally, becomes stagnant. Christmas becomes more about the “doing just to get it over with” rather than “celebrating family through Christmas.” It's time for a change up.

And, stagnation in one area of our life begins to infect every corner of our lives. Our days, our months, our years all begin to look like one another. Did you celebrate Valentine’s Day the same old way as last year? Flowers, card, candy, dinner out, sex? Maybe all the pieces were there, but how different would it be say if you had sex first? Then, you ate the candy together in bed. At least it would be different. What? Not without alcohol? Well, maybe a little champagne breakfast is just what you and yours need on a Valentine’s Day. And, this year, on a Thursday! Now, that's changing it up!

Stagnation and lethargy are suffocating the human experience. Vicki and I were in Washington DC this past weekend. I was the speaker at a church communication clinic,and we decided to turn the trip into a Valentine's getaway. On Friday, she wanted to visit the national Holocaust Museum. I had been there before, and so I let Vicki tour at her own pace. I went to the various “reflection” areas just to think and pray and listen to the testimonies of the Holocaust survivors. A message kept coming through to me, “count every single day as precious – count every single day as an opportunity to really live it. Don’t let your life become complacent. Don’t let your life become lethargic and stagnant.”

Change things up. Keep your life fresh. Value your relationships.

• Every day with your spouse should be like your first date with your spouse. 
• Every day with your children should be like the first day you held them.
• Every day with your Savior should be like the day you first confessed Jesus as your Savior.

The problem is that life calls us to conformity. It's easy (lazy, I say) to just get into routines and schedules and habits, walking like zombies through life and leaving a wake of complacency, lethargy and stagnation. We do the same things the same way - year after year after year - and then we moan from our death beds, "Where did my life go?" I will tell  you this, more and more I am an advocate of "change for the sake of change." Let's just do things differently. And, see if we can't experience a revival of God in our lives because of it.

Perhaps the most sad thing of all is when we let our faith – our precious faith – slip into stagnation. It is so easy for our faith lives and our practice of faith to be no different in 2013 than it was in 2012, 2011, 2010, and 2009. And, I laugh when I hear people say, “I will be a better believer when my children are grown because I will have more time for church and faith.” Great for you - not so good for your children. And, the most unchurched group of people in America? Empty-nesters, who no longer feel the pressure to have their children at church. Stagnation today will be even greater tomorrow. It's a cancer.

You and I need a new enthusiasm.
We need a new enthusiasm over our faith. We need a new enthusiasm over time with Scripture, prayer, the gathering of believers, and the service toward others.
We need a new enthusiasm over our spouses.
We need a new enthusiasm over our children, parents and siblings.
We need a new enthusiasm over the family calendar.
We need a new enthusiasm over our friends, and the finding of new friends in faith.
We need a new enthusiasm over evangelism and telling others about Jesus.
We need a new enthusiasm over this precious life we have been given.

I pray every day that you and I can be part of a revival in Lexington, SC. Not that we necessarily lead it, but that we just have opportunity to be a part  of it. I want to see men and women, husbands and wives, say, I’m going to love Jesus deeply and my life – my priorities, my calendar and even my bank account – will show it. I'm going to change things up.

I’m going to open the Bible every day. I’m going to pray every day – even if I just close my eyes and sit quietly. I’m going to stun my wife by sitting beside her on the sofa and holding her hand – not toward the goal of seeing her naked, but just because I love her. I’m going to go on walks with my children – individually – so I can hear their voices, and I’m not going to be a dream-killer when they share the dreams of their hearts. For no reason whatsoever, I am going to call my parents and siblings and just say, "I love you and I appreciate you."

I decided in December that I would change things up by adding weekly exercise to my calendar. My med-school son pushed me further. "You can't work out 2-3 days a week, dad, and then go eat Rush's chili cheeseburgers. Count your calories, watch  your salt and what your fat. But, mostly, dad, do something every day - walk 20 minutes every day. Do something to get your heart rate going."

I've gotten to where I look forward to the daily walk of 60 minutes or more. I use the time to pray or to listen to Scripture on my iPod, or just listen to a good book - usually fiction or a biography - on tape. I feel better because of the walk. I've met some good people who have encouraged me and whom I have encouraged. I sleep better because of the exercise, and because I sleep better my days are more rested and focused. I'm getting more work done in less time. I'm more patient and sympathetic because I'm more rested and feel better. One hour of walking every day has changed a lot of different places of my life. That one hour has shaken me out of a lethargy that beset me in the final quarter of 2012.

Change something. Let God shake open your life like shaking out a bed sheet on a nice Spring morning. What can God do with me and you if we just change some things to live today differently from this day last year and from yesterday? Revival begins with me and you. We need to change things up.

The Love Dilemma - Friendship

I love Sunday School. I always have.

As a boy, even when I sat under the teaching of boring old teachers, I still could not wait to get to Sunday School. It was about seeing the other guys, and it was about seeing if someone new would show up. I did not know it then, as I know it now, but there’s so much fun in seeing who God will send on any given Sunday.

I have been to a church property almost every Sunday morning of my life, and have rarely missed an opportunity to be in Sunday School. On vacation, I go to a church and visit Sunday School. Even today as my work – my ministry – takes me to churches all over North America, I will find a Sunday School class and visit.

I know the name sounds stupid – Sunday School. It has implications of small children sitting in a circle. It’s embarrassing to say to adult friends, “Will you go with me to Sunday School?” conjuring up images of Kool-Aid, crayons and round butter cookies. But, I’m not ashamed of it. Sunday School is so much a part of my spiritual DNA that I would crawl to church with a fever rather than miss it. 

What is it that I love? I love seeing people. I still love seeing – every Sunday – who God will send. I love the community – that arm-in-arm laughter together, service together, and work together. Sunday School brings together what I love about faith, the fellowship of believers, and the service to others. Everything is bundled up in one great package.

I realize that everyone does not love Sunday School like I do. For some it’s a place to wait while children are in other ministry areas. That’s okay. Everyone can have their own reason for being in Sunday School. God sent you, and that’s all that matters. But, you get out of it – in encouragement, correction, care, and friendship – what you put into it. To have a friend, you have to first be a friend.

And, I guess that’s it for me. Sunday School is where my true friends live with me. I have lived enough life in a lot of different places and with a lot of different people to know how fickle and shallow people can be. Many are great friends while your lives intersect around this or that, but when life’s cards reshuffle, they are gone. Friends in faith – friends in faith stay with you. Many of my friends on Facebook are ancient friends – and the thread that binds us is the thread of faith. It’s like God laced our lives together – many through Sunday School classes – and I love that about my life. And, I love that God is still lacing my life with others – true friendships – friendships through faith that are cultivated through Sunday School.

And, I love my friends.

I do. Man or woman. When God plows my life together with another person, it’s distinctive. Vicki will always be my best friend. No other person will challenge her for that role. You will never hear me say another human being is my best friend, but her. But, I am aware that God has laced my life with friends in faith, and those relationships are defined clearly by certain characteristics. I encourage  you to examine your friendships against these five definitions. See how your friendships, see how your allegiances stack up. Do you have the lifelong friends of faith?

• Faith defines them. 2 Corinthians 6:14 is clear. Don’t be mismatched with unbelievers. Don’t marry them. Don’t be in business with them. Don’t weave your life tightly with them. Friends will know one another’s faith story, and it’s impossible to share a faith story with saying the word, “Jesus.” In no way I am suggesting you can’t be friendly with an unbeliever – you can and you should build relationship toward introducing that person to Jesus. You must have unbelievers in your life to be a follower of Jesus, and you must love those unbelievers toward a goal of seeing them saved. But, those with whom you weave your live together in tight relationship – Scripture says they should also be believers, and you and I should confess to them and hear them confess as well. Can’t do it? Examine your heart and your relationship with Jesus. Friends are a gift from God, but to understand that – Jesus must be confessed in the center of it. My friends have heard me talk about Jesus.
• Love defines them. 1 Samuel 18:1. “After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between then, for Jonathan loved David.” Jonathan loved David and David loved Jonathan in the way that Jesus loved Lazarus and wept for him. I’ve stood over the gravesite of childhood friends, and wept over memories not because I was sad, but because I loved them. When my life becomes woven with someone, they know the depths of me and I know the depths of them. It’s impossible to be in that deep of a relationship and not love each other deeply, and for me – expressively. My friends know that I love them. I tell them. I find the courage to tell them.
• Truth defines them. In Matthew 26:34, Jesus tells Peter, whom he loved, “Truly I say to you, Peter, this night, before the rooster crows three times, you will betray me.” In Matthew 16:23, Jesus, angry at Peter, says, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me.” Friends tell friends the truth – and sometimes it’s going to pinch. You don’t really have friends if you can’t tell them the truth, and they can’t tell you the truth. And, you need to fall to your knees and thank God for the friend who can see your life unfolding foolishly through careless mistakes and say, “Stop right now. You need to stop. You have to change. It’s for your own good.” I love my friends so deeply that I am willing to hurt their feelings for their own good.
• Laughter and Grief define them. In Luke 10:21, Jesus sends out his disciples and they return talking about the great things the Spirit has done through them, and Luke writes, “At that same time, Jesus was filled with joy of the Holy Spirit and began to pray. He said to the disciples, his friends in faith, “you have seen what kings only wish they could see.” I have to believe that Jesus was laughing, even as he prayed. Likewise, we do know that in John 11:35 that “Jesus wept” at the news that his friend, Lazarus had died. Friendship will be defined by sharing the width and depth of both joy and grief together. When you laugh, I laugh with you; when you grieve, I grieve with you. My life is your life. My friends know I am walking in this life with them - good and bad.
• Failure and Redemption defines them. In Mark 14, we know that the rooster did crow, indeed, and we know that Peter did deny Jesus. Wound so closely together, friends do fail one another. We get selfish and we overlook another’s needs. We get jealous of one another. We want to say, “I was there for you, but you were not there for me.” We slip up and say, “Your children drive me crazy.” But, friends in faith know that there is restoration. Peter was Jesus' friend, and Peter was forgiven and restored by Jesus, in John 21. Jesus asks Peter, three times, if he loved Him. Peter responds yes all three times, and Jesus says, “Go and feed my sheep.” I am quick to forgive my friends when they injure me.

I have lived in five different communities – moving to places and not knowing a single soul. I've served on a hospital board of directors. I have been involved in philanthropy, serving on local boards of the cancer society and the heart association. I have been involved in Rotary clubs, and Kiwanis clubs, and the Jaycees. I have been in booster clubs. I have been a leader in recreation sports organizations. I have stood in pouring rain collecting money for the Empty Stocking Funds, cooked hamburgers for booster clubs, and walked 10 miles for the March of Dimes. I have had friends at work, and friends in my neighborhood. As a loyal customer, even today I’m friends with most of the managers at the stores I visit. My doctor is even my close friend.

But, I have no friends like those in faith - those in  Sunday School. If I died today, I would want my faith friends to carry my casket, I would trust my faith friends to minister to Vicki and the boys, and I would want my faith friends to pray at my graveside. There are no holier friends than those with whom we share Jesus and Christian fellowship. And, for me, it begins and ends with Sunday School.