The J Word 7: Don't condemn others

Last night, I was reading a story about the life of the actor Bill Bixby, who died of complications from cancer in 1993. Most everyone of the TV Generation remembers Bixby for his role on either My Favorite Martian or The Courtship of Eddie’s Father or The Incredible Hulk.

Bixby’s first marriage was to a beautiful actress by the name of Brenda Benet. The two of them had a son, Christopher, who died at six years old of a rare throat infection. Perhaps despondent over that death, Benet committed suicide less than a year later in 1982. She put a gun in her mouth.


Certainly, I didn’t know Bill Bixby, and for sure I didn’t know Brenda Benet. But, reading or hearing about a suicide – regardless of who it is – always leaves me empty inside. The news of suicide always leaves me hurting. How did the pain get so bad that all hope was lost?
At my first newspaper job, after college, I worked alongside another writer whose name was Jay. Jay was brilliantly awkward. He was so very intellectual, but he was also so very socially awkward. That combination left him alone a lot, and I presume it left him very lonely. We only worked alongside each other for a year and then I moved away. About 10 years later, I learned that Jay had killed himself. I just remember sitting at my desk and crying over that obituary. How did the pain get so bad that all hope was lost?  Why had he not turned to faith? How had the universal congregation of believers failed him? What did his death say of my faith 10 years before when I knew he was lonely but did not act? What did his death say of the believers surrounding him now, seeing his pain and failing to act? Perhaps, Satan  whispered that we were too busy for ministry, or that once we served Jay he would be difficult to get rid of should we tire of him. 


But, let’s look at this a different way.

What if Jay was outside of faith and fellowship because, throughout his life, he had been criticized by other believers, or scolded by the faith community, or made to feel guilty by the community of faith? What if, on the eve of his suicide, in the dark of a lonely apartment, he cried out for someone to love him, but had no faith in the church or its membership to love him right where he stood . . . broken, lost and in pain. What if Jay felt so condemned by the fellowship of believers that he felt he could not turn to it in his darkest hour? What if he had lost hope in God, but also in the humans who pledged to love God and others?

You and I must be very careful. We don’t know how the conversations, attitudes and actions of this day will affect someone tomorrow, in a decade, and in the valleys of their lives. We must be people who talk about salvation, grace and reconciliation. We cannot be people who condemn others and make them feel hopeless.

We like to focus on John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.” That’s the cornerstone of the gospel presentation. But, look at John 3:17, “God send his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.”

Jesus is about salvation from a fate that is already sealed.

And, so that’s our message to others: Salvation; not condemnation.
                 
In our ongoing story of Jesus and the woman at the well (beginning at John 4:15), we go back to last week’s exchange.  Jesus introduces the idea of the “living water” as opposed to the water that comes from the well. The woman appears eager to know more and Jesus says, “Go and get your husband.” And, she says, “I don’t have a husband.” And, Jesus says, “You are right! You don’t have a husband – for you have had five husbands and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!” The woman says, “Sir, you must be a prophet.” And, a conversation begins that ends with v. 26, when Jesus proclaims himself as the Messiah.” In his conversation with this woman, Jesus acknowledged what she already knew – that she had previous husbands and wasn’t married to the man she lived with now. In that, He did not dwell on condemning her for it. He didn’t beat her up over it. He acknowledged the facts and moved on.

You and I know people who need Jesus. We know people whose lives are in pain and we see them turning to every solution – every solution except faith. Perhaps you have been one of those people – I know that I have. I have lived through painful valleys and turned to every possible solution except Jesus – except faith.
And, in those valleys, I can tell you the last thing I wanted or needed was for someone – especially in the name of Jesus - to come alongside me, kick me while I was down and say, “Why did you do that?” or “What were you thinking?” or “You are an idiot!” or “Here, you need to this (xyz) because this is how decent people live their lives.” No, what I needed was someone to come into that valley with me, and say, “Can I walk with you out of this mess? How can I help you? Where is Jesus in all of this?”


You see we like to condemn people. We like to beat on people.

• If I can beat on someone – then I don’t have to look in the mirror and beat on myself.
• If those around me are beaten down, it makes me stand a little taller.
• I love fixing people, and I can fix you.
• They have always seemed so perfect; it makes me feel good to see them suffer some, too.

But, beating people up never introduces Jesus because Jesus was not about beating people up. He was about loving them, serving them, putting an X on their pain and pointing them forward.

Now, this is not to say that Jesus won’t judge sin. He will. All the sin of the world will one day be judged. And, sinfulness – anything that involves me over the Lord or me over others – is evil, and wrong, and hurtful, and will be judged by God. Non-believers will take the wrath of God for sinfulness; Jesus has stood in the gap and has taken the wrath for those who believe in Him.Jesus didn’t excuse the adulterous life of the woman at the well. No, he acknowledged it, and used it to explain salvation to her.


We must keep in mind, always, that our ministry is a ministry of reconciliation. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:18, “And God has given us (believers) this task of reconciling the world to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.”

And, as we do this, reaching down and helping people see Jesus, we need to remember 2 Corinthians 5:16: “So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.”
                 
Are you a reconciler in the name of Jesus? Or, are you a condemner?

All around me there is a Brenda and a Jay – people whose pain is extraordinary and who feel unworthy to approach faith. Maybe they just don’t know how to approach faith. What can I do today to help them avoid the darkest of all places – a place of dark, perceived hopelessness.

As we look into the eyes of their pain, and it cries out for a Savior, will we say, “Look at you, you deserve this” or will we ask, “Where is Jesus in all of this? Can I introduce you to Him? Can I help you find him again? Can I help you reach for the hem of His garment? Can I be your friend?”