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While our faith hangs on this Scripture verse, there are two things within the verse that cause me to pause when thinking about Love. First, God gave his "one and only" so that our existence would be improved. Second, while God "gave," the giving wasn't a gift in the sense of a birthday gift, but in the sense of a sacrifice. God "gave away" so that our existence would be improved. God did not give one of his sons so we could have eternal life; God has his only son - sacrificed his only son - so we could have eternal life.
In the context of our lives, there are four recognized forms of Love. I present them here admittedly over-simplified:
- Eros - Romantic, sensual, erotic love.
- Storge - Affectionate love; the love you share within families. Chance love - "I had no control over being in this relationship, which is bound by affection for one another."
- Philia - Love between friends; love between people who share a common interest or activity.
- Agape - Unconditional, sacrificial love regardless of circumstance.
In the coming weeks, we'll unpack Love from a lot of different angles using the definitions above. It would be impossible to begin this conversation without a quick look at Agape love. As followers of Jesus, this is the Trump Card of Love - it's the Love we are called to replicate in all of our relationships - the one with the Father through Jesus and the ones with others. In fact, our Eros, Storge and Philia forms of Love are stronger when grounded in Agape love. I swear my parents - after 50+ years of marriage - seem to be more in love sense my dad cut back on his deer hunting so he could be available for my mom following her injuries in the past year. He sacrificed what "he wanted" for what "she needed" and their marriage - even in these Golden Years - as improved. Wow, what we can learn from that . . . right now!
When I think of a human example of sacrifice, I look to the life of my Vicki.
Vicki was born in Macon, GA. She was the third of four children. When she was a little girl the family of six moved to Decatur, GA - within Atlanta. Her dad, Don, was an electrical engineer with Georgia Power Company. Vicki's dad grew up Baptist; her mom grew up Methodist. The family was involved in a Methodist congregation while in Macon, but fell away from church and faith when they moved to Decatur. In Atlanta, the Bowens made fast friends with Martha and Larry Creel, who were neighbors and co-workers at Georgia Power. Martha Creel was a strong follower of Jesus, ensuring her children were in church and involved in faith. She began to invite / take Vicki to church with her children. It was through Sunday School and worship, as a little girl, that Vicki prayed to receive Jesus as her Savior. (Vicki made a public profession and was baptized at Watkinsville (GA) First Baptist when she was in college at the University of Georgia).
Martha Creel had her own children to get up and get out the door to church. It wasn't just one time that Martha took Vicki with her family to church - it was all the time. Martha made a sacrifice to ensure her neighbor's child came to know Jesus, too.
When Vicki was a junior in high school, her dad received a job offer from the Lower Colorado River Authority in Austin, TX. It was a job too good to ignore, but there was dilemma. Vicki was entering her senior year of high school. She was a cheerleader. She had good friends. She was at the top of her academic class. She was wrapping up a very strong high school tenure. Don and LaRose made the decision to leave their daughter - their 17 year old daughter - in Georgia with no family nearby. Arrangements were made for Vicki to live out her senior year with a friend's family. They left her behind. Don told me much later that he cried all the way to Mississippi and turned back twice in Alabama. For years I thought there was a measure of shamefulness in his decision to leave his daughter in the care of strangers. But, as I matured, I realized that Don made a sacrifice for his daughter's happiness and for her future. And, had he not left her, I would not have met her, and our lives would be vastly different.
Don Bowen made a sacrifice for what he felt was the best thing for his daughter. He made that sacrifice from a deep place of love and not a superficial place of selfishness.
Unfortunately, Vicki's housing with the friends was short-lived. The friend's mom was unwilling to make the sacrifice, and Vicki was given "notice" to find other living arrangements or move to Texas. One afternoon, her economics teacher, Martha Chastain overheard girls talking about Vicki's situation. Martha talked to her husband, Larry (yes another Martha and Larry), and they agreed that Vicki could live her senior year with them. The Chastain's two-year-old son Michael would love the idea. It was while Vicki lived with the Chastains that I met her, we began dating, and have been together for 31 years.
Martha and Larry Chastain made a sacrifice to "rescue" a young woman in need. It's not an easy thing to open your home - warts and all - to an outsider, and yet they made that sacrifice to help a young woman's future.
Sacrifice. Sacrifice is "giving" with the volume turned all the way up. It's love that's amplified.
Sacrifice isn't opening your wallet and saying, "Here, please take one of my $20 bills." No, sacrifice is opening your wallet and saying, "Take my only $20 bill. Take my entire wallet."
Sacrifice isn't "working someone in" your calendar. Sacrifice is closing the calendar and saying, "Where do you need me?"
Sacrifice isn't community service when it's convenient. Sacrifice is working on all day, and then serving others when you are hungry and exhausted.
Sacrifice isn't serving while on vacation; sacrifice is forfeiting vacation for service.
Sacrifice isn't the dad who buys his children everything they need because he can afford it; sacrifice is the dad who will give up everything but work and toil so that his children can eat, have a roof and be clothed.
It's a dilemma for us isn't it? We want to bastardize sacrifice so that it's comfortable, But, it is not. Sacrifice will never be comfortable. It will always be costly; it will always involve suffering - giving up. And, giving up is like swimming upstream to humans in a world like ours.
John quotes Jesus in John 15:12-14: "Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life (sacrifice) for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command."
So, you and I are commanded to sacrifice for one another as an expression of our love for one another. And, this sacrifice is for everyone because Jesus was a sacrifice for everyone. And, those who are willing to sacrifice are those that Jesus will call His friends.
Gulp. Big gulp.
What can I give up today? What can I sacrifice today? What can I go without so that others can live more prosperous? And, can I make this a daily practice? Can I make this a part of my journey as a follower of Jesus? Love is a dilemma.
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