The Love Dilemma - Friendship

I love Sunday School. I always have.

As a boy, even when I sat under the teaching of boring old teachers, I still could not wait to get to Sunday School. It was about seeing the other guys, and it was about seeing if someone new would show up. I did not know it then, as I know it now, but there’s so much fun in seeing who God will send on any given Sunday.

I have been to a church property almost every Sunday morning of my life, and have rarely missed an opportunity to be in Sunday School. On vacation, I go to a church and visit Sunday School. Even today as my work – my ministry – takes me to churches all over North America, I will find a Sunday School class and visit.

I know the name sounds stupid – Sunday School. It has implications of small children sitting in a circle. It’s embarrassing to say to adult friends, “Will you go with me to Sunday School?” conjuring up images of Kool-Aid, crayons and round butter cookies. But, I’m not ashamed of it. Sunday School is so much a part of my spiritual DNA that I would crawl to church with a fever rather than miss it. 

What is it that I love? I love seeing people. I still love seeing – every Sunday – who God will send. I love the community – that arm-in-arm laughter together, service together, and work together. Sunday School brings together what I love about faith, the fellowship of believers, and the service to others. Everything is bundled up in one great package.

I realize that everyone does not love Sunday School like I do. For some it’s a place to wait while children are in other ministry areas. That’s okay. Everyone can have their own reason for being in Sunday School. God sent you, and that’s all that matters. But, you get out of it – in encouragement, correction, care, and friendship – what you put into it. To have a friend, you have to first be a friend.

And, I guess that’s it for me. Sunday School is where my true friends live with me. I have lived enough life in a lot of different places and with a lot of different people to know how fickle and shallow people can be. Many are great friends while your lives intersect around this or that, but when life’s cards reshuffle, they are gone. Friends in faith – friends in faith stay with you. Many of my friends on Facebook are ancient friends – and the thread that binds us is the thread of faith. It’s like God laced our lives together – many through Sunday School classes – and I love that about my life. And, I love that God is still lacing my life with others – true friendships – friendships through faith that are cultivated through Sunday School.

And, I love my friends.

I do. Man or woman. When God plows my life together with another person, it’s distinctive. Vicki will always be my best friend. No other person will challenge her for that role. You will never hear me say another human being is my best friend, but her. But, I am aware that God has laced my life with friends in faith, and those relationships are defined clearly by certain characteristics. I encourage  you to examine your friendships against these five definitions. See how your friendships, see how your allegiances stack up. Do you have the lifelong friends of faith?

• Faith defines them. 2 Corinthians 6:14 is clear. Don’t be mismatched with unbelievers. Don’t marry them. Don’t be in business with them. Don’t weave your life tightly with them. Friends will know one another’s faith story, and it’s impossible to share a faith story with saying the word, “Jesus.” In no way I am suggesting you can’t be friendly with an unbeliever – you can and you should build relationship toward introducing that person to Jesus. You must have unbelievers in your life to be a follower of Jesus, and you must love those unbelievers toward a goal of seeing them saved. But, those with whom you weave your live together in tight relationship – Scripture says they should also be believers, and you and I should confess to them and hear them confess as well. Can’t do it? Examine your heart and your relationship with Jesus. Friends are a gift from God, but to understand that – Jesus must be confessed in the center of it. My friends have heard me talk about Jesus.
• Love defines them. 1 Samuel 18:1. “After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between then, for Jonathan loved David.” Jonathan loved David and David loved Jonathan in the way that Jesus loved Lazarus and wept for him. I’ve stood over the gravesite of childhood friends, and wept over memories not because I was sad, but because I loved them. When my life becomes woven with someone, they know the depths of me and I know the depths of them. It’s impossible to be in that deep of a relationship and not love each other deeply, and for me – expressively. My friends know that I love them. I tell them. I find the courage to tell them.
• Truth defines them. In Matthew 26:34, Jesus tells Peter, whom he loved, “Truly I say to you, Peter, this night, before the rooster crows three times, you will betray me.” In Matthew 16:23, Jesus, angry at Peter, says, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me.” Friends tell friends the truth – and sometimes it’s going to pinch. You don’t really have friends if you can’t tell them the truth, and they can’t tell you the truth. And, you need to fall to your knees and thank God for the friend who can see your life unfolding foolishly through careless mistakes and say, “Stop right now. You need to stop. You have to change. It’s for your own good.” I love my friends so deeply that I am willing to hurt their feelings for their own good.
• Laughter and Grief define them. In Luke 10:21, Jesus sends out his disciples and they return talking about the great things the Spirit has done through them, and Luke writes, “At that same time, Jesus was filled with joy of the Holy Spirit and began to pray. He said to the disciples, his friends in faith, “you have seen what kings only wish they could see.” I have to believe that Jesus was laughing, even as he prayed. Likewise, we do know that in John 11:35 that “Jesus wept” at the news that his friend, Lazarus had died. Friendship will be defined by sharing the width and depth of both joy and grief together. When you laugh, I laugh with you; when you grieve, I grieve with you. My life is your life. My friends know I am walking in this life with them - good and bad.
• Failure and Redemption defines them. In Mark 14, we know that the rooster did crow, indeed, and we know that Peter did deny Jesus. Wound so closely together, friends do fail one another. We get selfish and we overlook another’s needs. We get jealous of one another. We want to say, “I was there for you, but you were not there for me.” We slip up and say, “Your children drive me crazy.” But, friends in faith know that there is restoration. Peter was Jesus' friend, and Peter was forgiven and restored by Jesus, in John 21. Jesus asks Peter, three times, if he loved Him. Peter responds yes all three times, and Jesus says, “Go and feed my sheep.” I am quick to forgive my friends when they injure me.

I have lived in five different communities – moving to places and not knowing a single soul. I've served on a hospital board of directors. I have been involved in philanthropy, serving on local boards of the cancer society and the heart association. I have been involved in Rotary clubs, and Kiwanis clubs, and the Jaycees. I have been in booster clubs. I have been a leader in recreation sports organizations. I have stood in pouring rain collecting money for the Empty Stocking Funds, cooked hamburgers for booster clubs, and walked 10 miles for the March of Dimes. I have had friends at work, and friends in my neighborhood. As a loyal customer, even today I’m friends with most of the managers at the stores I visit. My doctor is even my close friend.

But, I have no friends like those in faith - those in  Sunday School. If I died today, I would want my faith friends to carry my casket, I would trust my faith friends to minister to Vicki and the boys, and I would want my faith friends to pray at my graveside. There are no holier friends than those with whom we share Jesus and Christian fellowship. And, for me, it begins and ends with Sunday School.