Love, Honor & Cherish

Marriage is important to God. It is serious business.

You and I were created for relationships, and the Bible is all about relationships - our vertical relationship with God, through Jesus, and our relationships with others.
St. Augustine made the statement, “our hearts are restless until we find our rest in God.” We were designed for a relationship with Him.
God created us to have relationship with others – people we could live and learn with. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 12:18-21,  “But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired.” In preparation for this lesson, I read this statement, "If God deeply desires to place us in relationship with the body of Christ (the church), doesn’t that mean He also desires to place us with the spouse of His choice?"
Do you see that shift? It's not about who we want to marry - or arrange for our children to marry - but who God desires to place us with.
Marriage then, for me, becomes a supernatural, God-valued, serious part of our lives.

But, why would God create marriage? Why is it important?
Marriage is the most intimate (closest) of human relationships. Of all your Earthly relationships - all of them - the closest, the most intimate, the most endeared is the one with your spouse. No relationship trumps the relationship with your spouse. If others - even children - have come between you and your spouse, your marriage is in trouble.

Why is the marriage relationship the most precious? In Romans 8:29, Paul writes, "For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His son (Christ-like)." We know from Jeremiah that God knew us before we were born, and God desires us to be conformed to the image of His son, Jesus. Marriage - being bound to someone for a lifetime - forces us to care for someone other than self, to consider someone other than self, to love someone more than self. What better than marriage sharpens us toward putting self aside and being more like Jesus? Remember the traditional vows: Love, Honor & Cherish (putting spouse ahead of self) Until Death Do Us Part?

Marriage is God's way of teaching us to be more Christ-like. Knowing this about marriage helps us understand why we should be praying every day for our spouse. Single folk should be praying for their future spouse. Parents should be praying for the future spouses of their children . . . and grandchildren. Who do you have chosen, Lord, and hear and direct my prayers for them?

The problem in our culture, friends, is that we don't take seriously the things of God. We have reduced church - the bride of Christ - to another organization through which to impress our friends. We claim to pray for others, but never do it. We've trivialized marriage. Many marriages are doomed to fail before they even begin.

In some faiths, marriage (Matrimony) is a Holy sacrament. Even in Baptist services, pastors and officiants will refer to Holy Matrimony. Matrimony is a union; wedlock means joined or locked together. Holy means "set apart." And, so marriage is a bound - locked - relationship that is set apart by God - set apart from all the other relationships in your life. Because it is a relationship set apart by God, God has His hands on it. It's a covenant with God - a solemn and binding relationship meant to last a lifetime. God is so serious about His covenants with us - including marriage - that He sees them as a Walk into Death. God sees these covenants as a walk all the way to death. In the Old Testament, when two people made a covenant with one another, a goat or lamb would be slain and its carcass would be cut in half. With the two halves lying on the ground, the two people forming the covenant would solemnize their promise by walking between the carcass halves. That's how serious God sees marriage.

I don't like television shows like The Bachelor because it takes a God-breathed covenant like marriage and dumbs it down to our culture. Marriage is not a whimsical affair. We focus more on rings, dresses, flowers, parties, showers, bachelor parties, registering and honeymoon trips than we focus on the Holiness of what we are entering - a lifetime commitment with another human toward the goal of sharpening one another into deeper followers of Jesus. I refuse to officiate a wedding that, in planning and delivery, replaces holiness with culturalism. That's not to say that you can't have all the fun - I love a good wedding reception - but the celebration should be the union of two people and their covenant with God. What would a wedding reception look like if families of the bride and groom circled them for prayer before the party began? Many people enter marriage with a focus on the ceremony and parties - not the lifetime commitment that follows when all the guests go home.

The covenant is for a lifetime - until death do us part - because God doesn't go away and neither should we. God expects the covenant to stay around, too. And, marriage doesn't get easier as you grow older nor does a 25- or 50-year Anniversary translate into an immunity from problems. Many empty-nesters find their marriages have "lost purpose" once the children are grown, and spouses begin to look for new territory. As we get older, we begin to think about "bucket lists" that we want to accomplish without our spouses along. Satan hates God, and God is at the center of marriage. No marriage - until death has claimed it - is secure from Satan's attacks.

What about divorce? Clearly, and without question, divorce is not a a part of the marriage equation. That's why so much due diligence is required before marriage. It's why parents must coach children toward dating / engagement that involves prayer, faith conversations, parental counseling and formal counseling. Young people must know that marriage is serious business and divorce is not an option. But . . . certainly divorce is a reality in our broken world. Divorce is inevitable because of our broken world. Even in the Old Testament, Moses permitted divorce provided the two parties wrote a letter requesting it. Even in Moses' day it was relatively easy to get a divorce, but Moses required the letter to ensure the parties had thought it through.

Jesus was asked about divorce in Matthew 19:5-6. He responded this way, "Haven’t you read Scripture? God made them male and female. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into ONE. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them for God has joined them together.”
Someone asked Jesus, “Well, what about Moses and that letter-writing business?”
Jesus said, “Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God originally wanted. And, I tell you this, a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery – unless his wife has been unfaithful.” (And, in our culture, that goes both ways)."

In fact, Paul, in 2 Corinthians, implies that if you aren't going to take marriage gravely seriously, it’s better to remain single.

So, what are the purposes of a marriage:

1. Cooperation – Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Comparable to him means similar and equal to him, compatible, to help and support one another in all things. It’s a partnership because two heads are better than one. Cooperation toward what? Making disciples of Jesus . . . not pooling money or working together for a better economic status.
2. Procreation – Procreation is about preserving humankind from extinction. But, understand this, Christianity does not make procreation or children the primary purpose of marriage – the primary purpose is cooperation. That’s why childless couples should not grieve God’s plan for them. Procreation – producing children from a sanctified home - is equivalent to generating missionaries into a hopeless world. God wants these children raised in faith so they can go marry someone who is a believer, and continue making disciples.
3. Sexual Intimacy - It's the sexual intimacy that protects the marriage against adultery and fornication (consensual intercourse between two non-married people). In 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, Paul writes that "the wife’s body does not belong to her and the man’s body does not belong to him. Each should fulfill their marital responsibilities; not depriving one another except by mutual consent." If you start monkeying around with sexual intimacy in your marriage – using it as a weapon, being influenced by sinful self-esteem about how your body looks, allowing yourself to get so busy that you are too tired – I promise that your marriage will begin to unravel. We are sexual beings made aware of it by man’s fall in the garden of Eden. When sexual intimacy disappears from marriage, most people will give in to a lack of self control and find the intimacy in other places - pornography if not adultery. The door becomes wide open for Satan to bombard the marriage. Christian Marriage elevates the bodily union to become a spiritual union, through the Holy Spirit, just as the Holy Spirit works in the Baptismal water to make humans a new creation.  The Holy Spirit also works in the couple during the marital ceremony, through prayers and faith to unite them in the Lord.  Through the commitments made by the bride and groom in fulfilling the commandments of marriage, and the work of the Holy Spirit, the two partners become one.
4. Reigning – Genesis 1:28, “God said them – man and woman, whom He created separately and purposefully – be fruitful and multiply, and fill the Earth and subdue it.” We must be good stewards and good managers of God’s creation, and I like to further than by saying, “We must be reminded to lead our families in making disciples of Jesus so that all who are on the Earth hear the gospel.”

In closing, I want to give you a few practical things to think about and discuss with your spouse concerning your day-to-day relationship.

1. Love your spouse as God loves us. Sacrificially. What can I put aside to make my spouse’s day better? What can I sacrifice? What speaks love into my spouse: Quality time, encouraging words, gifts, a hug or hand-holding, acts of service? My life? My body?
2. Honor your spouse. 1 Peter 3:7, paraphrased, honor your spouse – be considerate and treat them with respect. Not because they earn it but because through your covenant they deserve it. Being considerate means considering your spouse's feelings and responses before you act; respect them by holding them up as revered – not chiseling away at their reputation.
3. Cherish your spouse. Cherish means “To cultivate with care – to make the person feel special – the most special person to you.” Here's how we cherish our spouse:
1. Sacrifice.
2. Listening.
3. Touching.
4. Being With Them In Public.
5. Saying Kind Things About Them In Public.
6. Sharing Responsibilities.
7. Never Allowing Children or Parents or Siblings To Come Between Spouses.
8. Admiration.
9. Respect.
10. Seeing Every Day As Valentine’s Day.
11. Opening Doors Of Possibility – "Where You Go, I Go."
12. Taking Time To Be Alone With One Another.
13. And, Men, Providing Spiritual Leadership. Men: Have you abandoned spiritual leadership in your home?

Marriage is serious business. Marriage is serious to God because it sharpens us as followers of Jesus and it produces disciples. It is a contract with God. And, God takes His contracts seriously.