Love The Unlovable

As I prepared this week, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and to all of us:
“You know the attitudes and sinful actions that hold you back from completely following me. I want to do greater things with you, but I can’t until you make some changes that free you to follow me more closely.” 
I don’t know what those changes are for you, but I’m pretty sure that you know what they are.
I know what they are for me.
One place of change for all of us is in loving the unlovable, and working to be more lovable ourselves.

• Are there people in your life who get on your nerves? If you see them in the grocery store you intentionally dodge them? 
• Are there family members or loved ones who have hurt you deeply?
• Have you been cheated by business partners or neighbors? Swindled?
• Deep down, do you loathe people because of their attitudes, their socio-economic position, the color of their skin, the worship of their God?
• Do you get tired of hearing about how wonderful life is for your neighbor?
• Do you get frustrated when people you love keep making the same dumb mistakes over and over and over again?
• Is there a supervisor or co-worker who just has your number? Oppressive?
• Betrayed? Lied to? Belittled? Ridiculed? Humiliated? Physically or emotionally beaten?
• Maybe it’s just people who walk around like “Eeyore” – woe is me all the time? Maybe it’s people who never smile. Maybe it’s people who are so manic and bi-polar you never know who’s coming at you? Jekyll or Hyde? Unpredictable personalities can just suck the life out of you.
• What about those who whine, complain and live in the drama of “you love them more than you love me.”

It goes on and on. People are unlovable. We are all unlovable.

But, as followers of Jesus we have a problem.
Two of the non-negotiable truths of our faith are these: We must love everyone, and we must forgive everyone. Everyone. No exceptions. Love and forgive everyone. Why? Because Jesus loves and forgives us beyond our transgressions toward Him, and as followers we must reciprocate that toward everyone else.

Mark 12:31 reads, "Love your neighbor as yourself." The New American Standard says it this way, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The International Standard says, “You must love your neighbor.” All translations identify this as a “command” from Jesus, and there’s no wiggle room in a command. Read Luke 10:25-37, the parable of the Good Samaritan. When hearing "love your neighbor," people began looking for wiggle room. Someone asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?" In the Good Samaritan story, Jesus tells of the Jew who stopped to help his cultural enemy, the Samaritan. In this, Jesus said, "Everyone is your neighbor. Love everyone."

In Mark 5:43-48, we read, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." This is Jesus speaking.

In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul writes, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in  Christ forgave you.” That’s why we have to love and forgive one another. If we are going to follow Jesus, we must draw closer to Him and be more like Him.

Okay, I can forgive the person who pulls out in front of me in traffic. Or, the person who is having a bad day and vents on me. I can even forgive the Sunday School teacher who forgot to call me when I was sick. But, what about those in my life who screwed me over, scarred me emotionally and sent me into therapy? Yep, love and forgive . . . everyone. No exceptions.

This must have bothered Peter, because in Matthew 18:22 the famed disciple came to Jesus and asked,
“How often should I forgive someone?” Rabbis were teaching you only had to forgive someone three times. Peter suggested, to Jesus, that His followers do the right thing and increase the number of cheek-turning  times from three to seven. I can imagine Jesus laughing at the idiocy of this request when he exclaimed, "No! Seventy times seven." Jesus chose 490 times, showing that such a large number would equate for us to infinity. You are commanded to love and forgive . . . everyone. No exceptions.

Jesus goes on to tell the story of the unforgiving debtor, in Matthew 18:23-35. A king was approached by someone in his debt. The debtor begged for mercy and the king extended the mercy. Then, the debtor turned around and confronted someone who owed him. When the debtor's debtor begged for mercy, the debtor had his debtor arrested. The king found out about it. The angry kind then had his debtor sent to prison to be tortured until he had paid his debts.

Do you get it? God is the king. We approach God needing mercy for our debts, and He provided Jesus. He extended grace beyond our understanding and grace beyond our deserving. He loved the unlovable. So, then we turn to see the unlovable in our own lives. When we don't reciprocate God's love for us, we put ourselves in front of God's law. In my own life, I know what's it like to be tortured by the Holy Spirit - to be out of fellowship with God - until my attitudes toward my debtors changed.

Remember the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). "And forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. (v. 12). We chant The Lord's Prayer so much that we gloss over it, don't we?

When I talk about love and forgiveness toward everyone, I always have people who want to argue in order to justify hating someone. "Well, what if so and so isn't a believer? Doesn't all this apply only to believers? What if the person isn't sorry or repentant?" Jesus says "everyone." And, I choose to err on the safe side: I just love and forgive and move on. The alternative is to fester on negative attitudes that allow Satan to whisper in my ear.

Above, you read that Jesus says, "pray for those who persecute you." So, in loving and forgiving, we need to pray for the unlovable. But, there's more. At the Last Supper, Jesus is surrounded by men who said they loved Him deeply, but treated Him poorly. Thomas would doubt His resurrection; James and John had fought over who He loved more; Peter aggravated Him and would deny Him; and Judas would betray Him. And, the others, you bet they aggravated Him, too, never quite understanding who He was or what He was, and stumbling all over themselves.

And, yet, look at what Jesus did. They gather for the Last Supper – Jesus and this rag tag bunch – and in John 13:4 we read, “So Jesus got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash his disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel he had around him.” Jesus loved the unlovable by serving them.

Love the unlovable? As followers of Jesus, we have no choice. We must love them and forgive them, completely. And, we must pray for them, and we must serve them. Why? Because we follow a risen Savior who has done and does the same for us. Followers of Jesus have no choice.

But, I have to add something, here, too. Each of us is a problem-child for someone else. Each of us, even if we don’t really know it, is one of the unlovable to someone else. It might not be anything you have done; might just be an attitude. It might just be unfriendliness or even the perception of unfriendliness. It might be aggravation. Perhaps you slip into melancholy and can't help but advertising to the world.

It’s tough to wander through this life and not be someone’s unlovable. I believe every single one of us is someone's unlovable, and perhaps we are unlovable to more than one. I know that there are some who don't love me because my actions and attitudes are unlovable. I know there are some who don't like me either.

And, so, in closing, I want to offer some things that I try to practice (with varying degrees of success) toward being more lovable. You can look at Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5:3-10 for some of these: Practice humility, be merciful, be a champion for peace, do the right thing, and love and serve people. Here are some others from my own playbook:

• Point conversations to other people and their lives. What is your story? How is your family?
• Avoid complaining to those with whom you don't have relational credibility. Certainly, friends should go to friends with all kinds of concerns and problems, but chronic complaining to casual acquaintances and strangers does no one any good.
• Be genuine. Be the same at home as you are in public. If you can't do that, what should you be changing at home? Read Galatians 5 - the fruits of the spirit - what are yours? Be that person.
• Don't be the person who has ideas for others to implement. No one likes to be around the person who says, "I have an idea for you to do." Don't start something you can't finish.
• Be quietly kind. Ask yourself, "Do I love these people as Jesus loves me?"
• Practice hospitality. It doesn't matter where you live or even how clean it is. Opening your home to others is a genuine sign of loving people.

And, just remember, all of this love and service is toward one goal: Building relationship through which we can ultimately talk about our love for Jesus.