Men: Committed To Your Family, Wife

In 1998, I had opportunity to attend a week-long leadership event at The Gallup Institute in Lincoln, NE. These are same Gallup folk who do all the Gallup Research projects. While they were putting students through a series of tests, interviews and personal assessment, Gallup was also using what they learned as research.

A part of our week included a visit to the University of Nebraska, where we heard a lecture about former Cornhusker head coach Tom Osborne, who had retired after 25 years. Osborne went on to serve in Congress and served as Nebraska’s athletic director before retiring last year.

In 25 years of coaching, Osborne’s Cornhuskers never won fewer than nine games in a season, finished in the top 15 for 24 or 25 seasons, finishing 24th in 1990. They won national championships in 1994 and 1995 and shared the 1997 crown. They won or shared 12 Big Eight conference titles and one Big 12 conference title. His record was 255-49-3 giving him an 83.6 percent winning percentage. He won 250 games faster than any coach in Division 1-A history.

Here’s what I learned about Osborne’s success. He coached play-by-play, series-by-series, believing that if he won plays, accumulated x number of rushing yards in a game, had punts that averaged x number of yards, his team would likely win the game. He coached play-by-play, trusting that the cumulative of small successes would end with a scoreboard victory. If you take care of the day-to-day, the scoreboard will take care of itself.

Men, it's the same with our marriages. And, spiritually healthy marriages lead to spiritually healthy families.

In Ephesians 5:22-23, Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.”

Men, if you keep reading down through v. 30, you will see that Paul overwhelmingly writes to husbands, who must serve as the spiritual leaders of their homes. We read this passage of Scripture and snicker at the notion of submissive wives, but Paul's words are really for men in the role of husband. I believe the husband is the spiritual leader of his home, and I believe that as he leads his family according to fullness of Scripture, loving and respecting his wife, the family should respect and follow him. Ephesians 5:22-23 is not a privilege for men, but a responsibility for men.

Healthy marriages begin with a man who is committed to Jesus and who is committed to leading his family in faith. The Lord leads the husband to lead his family and the man's leadership will always be squared with Scripture. Public opinion won't affect his leadership. And, the man's leadership will always begin with love for his wife.

All too often, we get focused on the big picture of a successful marriage. What's needed is less scoreboard-watching and more day-by-day love of our spouses. I just believe that if we can string together enough great days in marriage, the long-term health of my marriage will be just fine. And, as a man, that day-to-day investment in a great marriage begins with me. So, here are some thoughts for all of us spiritual leaders:

1. Love your wife as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25). How did Christ love the church? No-limit sacrifice without looking back. You do anything you can for your wife and you don’t worry about what she does for you. Your sacrifice is a gift.
2. Love your wife as you love yourself. (Ephesians 5:28-33). You care for your body every day, brushing your teeth, eating your meals, exercising, reading . . . every day should begin with this question, “Sweetheart, what can I do for you today?”
3. Be considerate as you live with your wife, with respect (1 Peter 3:7). The Bible also says if men neglect this command their prayers will be hindered. How do you show respect to someone? Don’t speak badly about your wife in casual conversation. Don’t embarrass her. If it gets on her nerves, stop doing it.
4. Do not be harsh with your wife. (Colossians 3:19). If you have a sensitive wife, take a deep breath before you lose your temper or speak harshly. Think about how you feel when employers or supervisors at work treat you that way.
5. The husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but to his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). A good lover starts with the other person’s sexual satisfaction. Make it about her; romance always wins the day.
6. Rejoice in your wife (Proverbs 5:18-19) – Your wife and your wife alone is the only woman in your life. She is the queen of your life. You should look on no other woman – friend or stranger or porn star – in the same way you look on your wife.
7. And that women may be dressed in simple clothing, with a quiet and serious air; not with vanity about her hair and gold or jewels or expensive clothing (1 Timothy 2:9). Your wife should not be another man’s stumbling block in thought or deed, and you should love your wife without the makeup just as much as you love her with the makeup.
8. Call your wife ‘blessed’ and praise her. (Proverbs 31:28-29). Don’t take your wife for granted, praise her sacrifices and actions for the family.
9. Tell your wife how captivated you are with her body. (Song of Solomon 4:7). God made your wife. God makes no mistakes. Love every part of her. If there’s something you want to change about her, start first with yourself.
10. Honor your marriage; keep it pure by remaining true to your wife in every way. (Hebrews 13:4) Matthew 5:28, Jesus reminds us that where your treasure is located there is your heart. Make sure your treasure begins with your wife.

Win each day and win the game.