Parents: How deep is your love?

My role as a dad is changing.

The days are clearly over when I tucked four little boys into bed, told them wild stories of my childhood, listened to their prayers, kissed three of them (Richard wanted a handshake), and said good-night.

Going and gone are the days of coaching them through sports, being at practices and games when I wasn’t coaching, going to school programs, editing their papers, teaching them to drive, and worrying until they closed the front door at midnight.

After Christmas, we put William on an Amtrak to DC, knowing he would arrive at 2 a.m. in a dark train station, and would need to call a cab for a ride home. My internal "daddy clock" woke me up at 2:30 and I texted him, “I’m checking on you.” The response: “Dad, I’m home. I can take care of myself. Go to sleep.”

Even though two of our boys are only 12 miles away, I sometimes go weeks without seeing them – a few days without even a text or a call. Richard is the best: He will text me anytime the Braves make a roster move.

The boys never ask me for money, but I love surprising them with a $50 transfer when I can. I especially love texting, “I’m cooking Sunday night” and they show up for two hours.

Vicki and I put up the Christmas decorations by ourselves this year – first time in about 25 years.

I love each of those boys as much today as I ever have. I was talking to my dad about this changing of the roles and he said, “I look at you and see you at 9, sitting under that big oak tree, reading a book. I know that’s not you, but I love you just as much today as I loved that little boy.”

Deep love. Big love. Authentic love.
The kind of love that wants to know, that wants to be involved, that wants to fix, that wants to see, that wants to talk, that wants to touch, and that wants quality time.

This bond between parent and child – for a lifetime – is so intense that researches say the death of a child – even up to the child’s age of 53 – is psychologically the worst thing that can happen to a human being. Our love of our children is why we get so angry, still, when we hear about parents abusing their children – it crosses the last frontier of our emotional thresholds.

And, yet, in the spiritual world of God, Jesus, Satan, Heaven and Hell – most parents don’t extend their love to those places. And, that questions whether we really love our children at all. Can a believer really love their children if they do nothing toward introducing them to Jesus, and then guiding – by word and example – that child’s spiritual growth until death do you part? I don’t think so. I think a parent's real love begins with the child's salvation and discipleship, and grows up from there. Sadly, most parents don't get that.

According to research:

• 90 % of believing parents said, “Yes” – it’s important for me to pass down my faith to my children.
• 90 % of believing parents said, “Yes” – I believe my child will have a strong faith when he or she graduates from college.
• But in the 166 hours of any given week week, less than 30 percent of believing parents said they do anything more than taking their child to church services.

And, yet, more than 50 percent of those who follow Jesus today give credit to the Christian witness of their parents. Others give credit to a close family member – like a grandparent. Others point to a close family friend. Few credit the institution of church.

Do you see the problem? Parents introduce children to Jesus and help those children grow. Dropping children in a Sunday School class for 40 minutes fewer than 20 times per year and calling that a “faith example” is not loving your children regardless of how much time, money and conversation you have with that child.

Just How Deep Is Your Love?

Proverbs 22:6 reads, “Direct (teach) your children onto the right path (the gospel), and when they are older, they will not leave it.” The right path being the right path of faith in Jesus. Teaching, directing – means one-on-one or one-to-few faith conversations. Parents:

• Do your children know your faith story? 
• Do your children see you with a Bible? 
• Do you lead your child in praying far from the table blessing? 
• Do your children see you ministering in and through Christian community? 
• Do your children see you living the life you want for them, doing the right thing over the smart thing? 

How much do you really love your children? Do you love them enough to see them know Jesus as their Savior? Do you love them enough to see them surrounded by their own Christian friends? Do you love them enough to guide them through relationships toward the spouse God has chosen for them? Do you love them enough to set in motion a generational legacy of faith?

Are you continuing to coach up your children in faith after they've left the nest? Are you continuing to live a day-to-day faith example even in empty nest?

For those who let childhood slip away from faith, the beauty of our faith is that in Jesus each day is new. I can’t tell you how to be a parent to an adult child because I’m learning myself. But, I can tell you that children never stop watching, never stop listening to their parents they respect. 

• Be respectful. 
• Improve your own spiritual life and your priorities, be sincere and authentic and faithful, and reflect Jesus into all of your relationships. Watch the power of Jesus unfold in the lives of your adult children.
• Make Jesus your priority – anchor your decisions in Scripture and let it be known – pray for your children and let them hear it – live faith beyond church attendance. Watch the power of Jesus roll out. I believe it.

How Deep Is Your Love?
How fully committed are you to your children and to your family and to your legacy of faith?