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About 20 years ago, during a period of unemployment, I was encouraged by my pastor to visit church members who were in the hospital.
His brilliant counsel was that if I focused on the pain of others, rather than my own pain, I would grow deeper in my faith life. And, through that, God would be able to teach me and massage me into the man He wanted me to be. Isn’t it true? Satan wants us to look in the mirror, where we only see ourselves and then migrate to places of fear, depression, loneliness, and anger. Paul writes in Galatians 6:2, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” What is the law of Christ? Jesus says in John 13:34, “So, now I am giving you (followers of me) a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you (sacrificially), you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my followers.” Satan says look in the mirror and see self; Jesus says “look out the window and see others.” Jesus says, ‘lay aside your own life and love others.’
His brilliant counsel was that if I focused on the pain of others, rather than my own pain, I would grow deeper in my faith life. And, through that, God would be able to teach me and massage me into the man He wanted me to be. Isn’t it true? Satan wants us to look in the mirror, where we only see ourselves and then migrate to places of fear, depression, loneliness, and anger. Paul writes in Galatians 6:2, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” What is the law of Christ? Jesus says in John 13:34, “So, now I am giving you (followers of me) a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you (sacrificially), you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my followers.” Satan says look in the mirror and see self; Jesus says “look out the window and see others.” Jesus says, ‘lay aside your own life and love others.’
That’s what I began to learn visiting hospitals two decades ago.
On behalf of my church, and as a church leader, I would visit people who I knew, people I didn’t know, people who were long-time church members, and people who just called the church and needed a visit.
And, the more I poured my time and energy into the pain of others, the less I worried about my own plight. It did not ease my circumstances. It did not ease the valley that I was walking through. I still had to make right some immature and foolish decisions. But, my focus on the pain of others helped me fully surrender my own pain to my Savior, Jesus. And, He began to send people along to encourage and love and serve me. Those people had turned from their own mirrors and were looking out the window.
On behalf of my church, and as a church leader, I would visit people who I knew, people I didn’t know, people who were long-time church members, and people who just called the church and needed a visit.
And, the more I poured my time and energy into the pain of others, the less I worried about my own plight. It did not ease my circumstances. It did not ease the valley that I was walking through. I still had to make right some immature and foolish decisions. But, my focus on the pain of others helped me fully surrender my own pain to my Savior, Jesus. And, He began to send people along to encourage and love and serve me. Those people had turned from their own mirrors and were looking out the window.
A part of our Finishing Well this life we are gifted is helping others finish well. Scripture is clear: We are to carry one another’s burdens, and we are to love one another and prove our love for Jesus to the world. If we commit to that kind of life, we will finish well. And, what a blessing to know that we are serving others in their own journey to finish well.
Seriously, whose life will be better because you lived today? Not an organization, but whose specific life will be better because I lived today? Family and friends, certainly. In addition – not instead of – how far can I reach into the “stranger pool” toward loving and serving someone today? I can do that by consciously being kinder and friendlier throughout my day. God will use it.
In 2006, Gary Hardin, pastor, First Baptist Shepherdsville, KY wrote the document, “Eight ways to show hurting people you care.” It was picked up and reprinted by LifeWay Christian Resources. I’ve taken his list as a foundation, and rewritten it.
1. Listen, Listen, Listen – Hurting people need to talk it out. Just listen to them.
2. Avoid giving advice about the situation because you are probably not a licensed counselor. Instead, focus on spiritual foundations: Faith in Jesus, prayer, and what Scripture says about situations. I always find a way to ask, “Where is Jesus in all this?” and then I always offer to pray over people regardless of the public venue.
3. Refrain from condemnation and judging no matter how it might grieve you. This even applies to spouses and parents, who might be concerned about blow-back to their own reputation. Remind people there are consequences to bad decisions, but no life is ever ruined. In Jesus, God provides endless grace. Ezekiel 34:6 says, “I will cause the shower to come down; there will be showers of blessing.” Grace is an ocean; it’s not drops, or sprinkles, or mist. It’s a shower. Help people put an X on today, and begin a new life in following Jesus as Savior.
4. Avoid saying, “I know how you feel.” Unless you have truly been there, it’s impossible to know how that person feels. A few years ago, I was asked to visit with a family whose preschool son had died. I had never been down that road, and I knew it would be hard. A grief counselor gave me this encouragement, “Tell them, ‘Through our faith in Jesus, I love you. I don’t know what you are going through, but I am hurting with you because I love you. And, I am going to walk this journey with you.’” But, be careful when you say, “I’ll walk this journey with you.” That can become an over-promise and under-deliver. Please make sure you are clear in what that means to you, and for them. Never promise a long-term ministry response that you can’t be passionate about.
5. Be alert to a person’s warning signals that pain is getting a foot-hold. Be attentive to a person’s change in mood, change in communication, change in perspectives, and change in conversation. When you notice these signs, and you have a relationship with the person, wiggle in closer and listen, listen, listen. Talk about work, family, health, and faith. The pain will begin to pour out of them. Contrast this approach with the person who comes up to someone they don’t well and blurts out, “What’s wrong?” or “Is everything okay?” or “You look like something’s bother you.” If you do that to me, prepare to see the teeth.
6. Don’t discount the power of presence. Just be there. Sometimes that’s all you need to do. Be there. But, we sure don’t like silence do we? If it gets too awkward, lead a vocal or silent prayer time. Open Scripture and begin to read it. I had a pastor tell me one time, “A believer will never go wrong, anchoring himself in Matthew chapters 5-7.”
7. Keep it all confidential. I will try, after some time, to nudge people toward carefully expanding the loop, calling on other believers to pray and listen – even if it’s just to my own private prayer partners. I don’t even have to tell those partners the names involved. I know that sin loves the quiet, dark places. When it is exposed to light, everyone must deal with it.
8. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Psalm 25:4 has this prayer, “Make your ways known to me, Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me.” Satan does not want you and me ministering to the pain of others. He creeps in and tells us that we are not qualified, we are too busy, it’s too late in the day, or we are too broken ourselves, or that we are too inadequate. Really? That’s not what Jesus says. He says, “Love one another (without condition).” When I made that first hospital visit those 20 years ago, I sat in the parking lot and wanted to be sick. I did not want to visit people. My legs were weak and I felt so unworthy to approach people, encourage them and pray for them. But, the Holy Spirit moved me. And, He gave me just the right words to say. On one visit, I went to see a woman dying with cancer. Her husband was so glad to see me – really, he was glad to see anyone. I stayed for three hours. We prayed, we ate lunch together, and we played checkers. I cried all the way home. Whatever blessing that man got from me was not a fraction of the blessing I received from my Savior for being there.
2. Avoid giving advice about the situation because you are probably not a licensed counselor. Instead, focus on spiritual foundations: Faith in Jesus, prayer, and what Scripture says about situations. I always find a way to ask, “Where is Jesus in all this?” and then I always offer to pray over people regardless of the public venue.
3. Refrain from condemnation and judging no matter how it might grieve you. This even applies to spouses and parents, who might be concerned about blow-back to their own reputation. Remind people there are consequences to bad decisions, but no life is ever ruined. In Jesus, God provides endless grace. Ezekiel 34:6 says, “I will cause the shower to come down; there will be showers of blessing.” Grace is an ocean; it’s not drops, or sprinkles, or mist. It’s a shower. Help people put an X on today, and begin a new life in following Jesus as Savior.
4. Avoid saying, “I know how you feel.” Unless you have truly been there, it’s impossible to know how that person feels. A few years ago, I was asked to visit with a family whose preschool son had died. I had never been down that road, and I knew it would be hard. A grief counselor gave me this encouragement, “Tell them, ‘Through our faith in Jesus, I love you. I don’t know what you are going through, but I am hurting with you because I love you. And, I am going to walk this journey with you.’” But, be careful when you say, “I’ll walk this journey with you.” That can become an over-promise and under-deliver. Please make sure you are clear in what that means to you, and for them. Never promise a long-term ministry response that you can’t be passionate about.
5. Be alert to a person’s warning signals that pain is getting a foot-hold. Be attentive to a person’s change in mood, change in communication, change in perspectives, and change in conversation. When you notice these signs, and you have a relationship with the person, wiggle in closer and listen, listen, listen. Talk about work, family, health, and faith. The pain will begin to pour out of them. Contrast this approach with the person who comes up to someone they don’t well and blurts out, “What’s wrong?” or “Is everything okay?” or “You look like something’s bother you.” If you do that to me, prepare to see the teeth.
6. Don’t discount the power of presence. Just be there. Sometimes that’s all you need to do. Be there. But, we sure don’t like silence do we? If it gets too awkward, lead a vocal or silent prayer time. Open Scripture and begin to read it. I had a pastor tell me one time, “A believer will never go wrong, anchoring himself in Matthew chapters 5-7.”
7. Keep it all confidential. I will try, after some time, to nudge people toward carefully expanding the loop, calling on other believers to pray and listen – even if it’s just to my own private prayer partners. I don’t even have to tell those partners the names involved. I know that sin loves the quiet, dark places. When it is exposed to light, everyone must deal with it.
8. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Psalm 25:4 has this prayer, “Make your ways known to me, Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me.” Satan does not want you and me ministering to the pain of others. He creeps in and tells us that we are not qualified, we are too busy, it’s too late in the day, or we are too broken ourselves, or that we are too inadequate. Really? That’s not what Jesus says. He says, “Love one another (without condition).” When I made that first hospital visit those 20 years ago, I sat in the parking lot and wanted to be sick. I did not want to visit people. My legs were weak and I felt so unworthy to approach people, encourage them and pray for them. But, the Holy Spirit moved me. And, He gave me just the right words to say. On one visit, I went to see a woman dying with cancer. Her husband was so glad to see me – really, he was glad to see anyone. I stayed for three hours. We prayed, we ate lunch together, and we played checkers. I cried all the way home. Whatever blessing that man got from me was not a fraction of the blessing I received from my Savior for being there.
I believe that God will send hurting people to those who He can trust to love them.
And, so a measure of my own spiritual growth; a measure of my own “finishing well” is when God crosses my life with those I can love and serve. And, then I feel the Spirit’s nudge to do it.
God won’t send people to the self-centered and self-obsessed. And, those people will be found useless to the Lord. Oh, follower of Jesus, do you really want to be found useless in your journey with Him?
And, so as we proceed along this journey toward finishing well, let’s evaluate: Am I a follower of Jesus? Am I loving others and serving them? Have I plunged my life into those around me, reflecting Jesus’ love for me? Am I waist deep in the burdens of others? Is my life pointing people to follow Jesus?
God wants people who are like that. Be the person who finishes well by helping others finish well.
And, so a measure of my own spiritual growth; a measure of my own “finishing well” is when God crosses my life with those I can love and serve. And, then I feel the Spirit’s nudge to do it.
God won’t send people to the self-centered and self-obsessed. And, those people will be found useless to the Lord. Oh, follower of Jesus, do you really want to be found useless in your journey with Him?
And, so as we proceed along this journey toward finishing well, let’s evaluate: Am I a follower of Jesus? Am I loving others and serving them? Have I plunged my life into those around me, reflecting Jesus’ love for me? Am I waist deep in the burdens of others? Is my life pointing people to follow Jesus?
God wants people who are like that. Be the person who finishes well by helping others finish well.
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