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Today is Mother's Day 2012.
I believe it’s important for us to honor our mothers on this special day. By honor, I don’t necessarily mean shower them with gifts, or flowers or candy or take them to fancy restaurants. By honor, I mean recognize these special women beyond the cliche of a Hallmark card. Honor for me means going deeper than a few hours of celebration. We should take time to verbally say "thank you" and mostly, demonstrate by words and actions that we love our mothers. Mother's Day is a day to refocus on the women who brought us into the world, likely influenced our faith lives, and often serve as an important rudder in our family life. It's so much deeper than a casual and annual celebration.
I believe it’s important for us to honor our mothers on this special day. By honor, I don’t necessarily mean shower them with gifts, or flowers or candy or take them to fancy restaurants. By honor, I mean recognize these special women beyond the cliche of a Hallmark card. Honor for me means going deeper than a few hours of celebration. We should take time to verbally say "thank you" and mostly, demonstrate by words and actions that we love our mothers. Mother's Day is a day to refocus on the women who brought us into the world, likely influenced our faith lives, and often serve as an important rudder in our family life. It's so much deeper than a casual and annual celebration.
As I prepared this lesson, focusing on Scripture's voice on motherhood, the Lord kept convicting me as a dad, too. We know that the role of parent is trumped only by Holy marriage in God's pecking order of relationships. All other Earthly relationships fall into place behind marriage, first, and parenting, second.
For parents, Psalm 127:3-5 states "children are a gift from the Lord, they are a reward from Him." In Titus 2:4, Paul writes, "Older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. They will not bring shame on the word of God." But, Paul - as he also does in Ephesians 5 - follows this directive with a word for dads, instructing us "to do good works of every kind, and let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth." Paul doesn't single out mothers - he starts with the dad as the spiritual head of the household, creating an environment of love and spiritual direction. Then, he gives instruction to the mom, accordingly, to form this glove of parenthood around His gift - the children. Scripture doesn't single out moms and dads as much as it speaks to the total household.
So, as I prepared for Mother's Day, I found myself engulfed in Parent's Day. That led me to write God's Playbook For Parents (based on material from www.gotquestions.org). You may read this and say, "Scott, my children are grown, but keep in mind Paul's instruction that "the older must train the younger." I believe those of us who have lived and learned have a responsibility to encourage those who are younger.
God's Playbook For Parents - 7 Things To Make Us Better Moms And Dads
1. Be available. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 – “Repeat (my commands) again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” Certainly, we are to always keep faith in front of our children, but to do that we must be with our children - we must be available. That doesn't mean overbearing, especially as they leave the nest, but it does mean "being there." I'm amazed at how many parents stop parenting, especially when their children begin driving. My boys know - because I tell them every day - "We are always here." Doesn't that reflect God's message to us?
2. Be involved. Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the disciple and instruction that comes from the Lord.” We tend to pigeon-hole this to recreation activities. "We will be involved together at the ballpark, the gymnasium, the soccer fields, or this and that." Being involved isn't the same as being involved in a community or school activity together. When the scoreboard turns off - will you know your children? Will he or she know you? Being involved goes deeper - taking time for one-on-one discussion, thinking and discerning life together. Being involved is about communication, encouragement and instruction. It's taking time to slow down and knowing your children. Personally, I have discovered that a fire pit in the back yard - away from television screens - has become a place for great, deep and purposeful conversations.
3. Be a teacher. Psalm 78:5-6 – “For he issued his laws to Jacob, he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children so the next generation might know them – even the children not yet born – and they in turn will teach their own children.” As believers, we are called to teach our children about faith and to create homes with a Biblical worldview (not a separatist view, but a sacrificial view). My only mission as a parent is to reproduce another generation of believers. If I do that, I'm successful.It won't be healthcare, the economy, or who we elect as president that kills our country - it's going to be a failure of families to reproduce believers into the world. If you don't know how to teach faith in your home, well, that's one of the benefits of plowing your life into a fellowship of believers - the church and / or a Sunday School class. (By the way, it's never too late to talk to your children about faith, and to begin a journey together).
1. Be available. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 – “Repeat (my commands) again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” Certainly, we are to always keep faith in front of our children, but to do that we must be with our children - we must be available. That doesn't mean overbearing, especially as they leave the nest, but it does mean "being there." I'm amazed at how many parents stop parenting, especially when their children begin driving. My boys know - because I tell them every day - "We are always here." Doesn't that reflect God's message to us?
2. Be involved. Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the disciple and instruction that comes from the Lord.” We tend to pigeon-hole this to recreation activities. "We will be involved together at the ballpark, the gymnasium, the soccer fields, or this and that." Being involved isn't the same as being involved in a community or school activity together. When the scoreboard turns off - will you know your children? Will he or she know you? Being involved goes deeper - taking time for one-on-one discussion, thinking and discerning life together. Being involved is about communication, encouragement and instruction. It's taking time to slow down and knowing your children. Personally, I have discovered that a fire pit in the back yard - away from television screens - has become a place for great, deep and purposeful conversations.
3. Be a teacher. Psalm 78:5-6 – “For he issued his laws to Jacob, he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children so the next generation might know them – even the children not yet born – and they in turn will teach their own children.” As believers, we are called to teach our children about faith and to create homes with a Biblical worldview (not a separatist view, but a sacrificial view). My only mission as a parent is to reproduce another generation of believers. If I do that, I'm successful.It won't be healthcare, the economy, or who we elect as president that kills our country - it's going to be a failure of families to reproduce believers into the world. If you don't know how to teach faith in your home, well, that's one of the benefits of plowing your life into a fellowship of believers - the church and / or a Sunday School class. (By the way, it's never too late to talk to your children about faith, and to begin a journey together).
4. Be a trainer. Romans 12:3-8 is a passage related to the authentic living of our spiritual gifts. Training is not just "do this, do that" lip service. Training is living a life that helps children develop skills, discover strengths, and discover spiritual giftedness. Training is modeling the life you want your children to live as adults. Should we be surprised when parents live "this way" and produce children who act the same way? Good or bad. Parents must model the expected way to live. Training is also helping your children discover what God wants them to do, which may not be what you want them to do or even what they want to do. They belong to God. We are the managers of His gifts to us.
5. Be a disciplinarian. Proverbs 13:24 - "Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” Many parents are so busy and distracted that they compensate by working overtime to ensure their children are happy. This leads to anarchy in the home. We must draw boundaries for our children, draw them clearly, draw them consistently, and have an unwavering and consistent penalty for crossing the boundaries. This is not an angry, emotional response. It is a clear and calculated form of cause-effect parenting that is bathed in love. Discipline without love is not discipline. Remember: Being a believer means equal parts encouragement and correction.
6. Be a nurturer. 1 Peter 3:8-9 – For all believers, “Symphathize with one another, love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.” Parents should work to create environments of constant verbal support, freedom to fail, acceptance, affection and unconditional love. I know that I have disappointed my parents, but I also know it did not affect their love for me. Around our home, we use the Motel 6 language that "the light is always on for you."
7. Be a parent of integrity. Proverbs 11:3 – “Honesty drives good people.” It is important for us to live out the faith we claim to have. Our children are learning character education in school because overall it's not being taught in homes - rich or poor. I've seen the disappointment in my boys' eyes when they see my words and actions fall short of the character education they are learning in school. That's chilling to me. If our behavior at home is inconsistent with behavior they are taught at school and church, it becomes easy for them to discount parents and home life. Do we really want that? Is it really God's plan for families? Shouldn't character education be modeled at home? Yes. So, as parents, we must ask, "What does Jesus think about these actions, words and thoughts?" And, we must be willing to get help to improve our family lives.
5. Be a disciplinarian. Proverbs 13:24 - "Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” Many parents are so busy and distracted that they compensate by working overtime to ensure their children are happy. This leads to anarchy in the home. We must draw boundaries for our children, draw them clearly, draw them consistently, and have an unwavering and consistent penalty for crossing the boundaries. This is not an angry, emotional response. It is a clear and calculated form of cause-effect parenting that is bathed in love. Discipline without love is not discipline. Remember: Being a believer means equal parts encouragement and correction.
6. Be a nurturer. 1 Peter 3:8-9 – For all believers, “Symphathize with one another, love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.” Parents should work to create environments of constant verbal support, freedom to fail, acceptance, affection and unconditional love. I know that I have disappointed my parents, but I also know it did not affect their love for me. Around our home, we use the Motel 6 language that "the light is always on for you."
7. Be a parent of integrity. Proverbs 11:3 – “Honesty drives good people.” It is important for us to live out the faith we claim to have. Our children are learning character education in school because overall it's not being taught in homes - rich or poor. I've seen the disappointment in my boys' eyes when they see my words and actions fall short of the character education they are learning in school. That's chilling to me. If our behavior at home is inconsistent with behavior they are taught at school and church, it becomes easy for them to discount parents and home life. Do we really want that? Is it really God's plan for families? Shouldn't character education be modeled at home? Yes. So, as parents, we must ask, "What does Jesus think about these actions, words and thoughts?" And, we must be willing to get help to improve our family lives.
On this Mother’s Day – and if you can remember Father’s Day next month :) – take time to move beyond the gifts, or movie, or picnic – use today to demonstrate your love for spouse, tell your children how much you love them, plunge your day into them, tell them stories from your childhood, and model the life you want them to live after you are gone.
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